January 11th, 2005

(no subject)

Posted by nonamouse here.
Now Maddox, remember the eightfold path..."
"I don't wanna do the eightfold path! I just wanna get saved by Jesus!"
*gasp* "No! You can't get saved by Jesus! Go to the corner and meditate!"
"Mommy, can I go to the corner and meditate too?"
"No, Felonious, you have to be saved by Jesus!!! Oh, and Muhammed, go get your prayer rug. It's time for salat."
"I don't wanna do salat. Can't I just contemplate the jewel in the lotus and reach transcendental awareness?"
"Maddox!!! What have you been telling your little brother?!?"
  • brennye

(no subject)

As found on a locked post by selasphorus, talking about her cockatiels:

Besides, Aki is now bonded to Aya (likely after getting fed up that Eclipse wouldn't return her courtship behaviors). Yes. I have lesbian cockatiels. They court each other, they have regurgitated for each other, and they do the "me-so-horny" peeping dance of a female cockatiel that wants some...at the same time.

OMG OH NOES help my birds have the gay plz help me make them strait as I do not aprove of deveant behavior like homosexuality and they might turn me gay or make the neighbor kids gay!!!11one
K: Hey Stupid!, K: The Unholy Duo, Dogmatix, K: Lesbian Again, K: Laughing Out Loud

(no subject)

Thanks to the new, fantastic (and thus highly suspicious) new job, I am the proud owner of a wireless laptop, a RIM, and a freely upgraded home computer. My bosses are very nice, which means they're obviously space aliens just lulling us into a state of relaxation before they ram their ovipositers down our throats and lay eggs in our chests. Still, I'll chug a little ovipositer if it nets me a free iPod.

-- dexfarkin (whole amusing post here)

There's something very amusing about the term 'Professional Clown'
I mean, it's a bit of an oxymoron, really.
'Hello, what do you do?'
'I'm a professional clown.'
'Really? A professional clown?"
'NO!' *spritzes with water-flower and slaps with cream pie* 'I'm sorry...yes. I am. I just can't help it.'

-- duffnstuff

(no subject)

From some comments on ursulav's always entertaining LJ:

unciaa: We need to hire a British nanny for Bush&co.
kitsuken: just a spoon full of sugaar helps the terrorists, go down
hopeevey: Reading this triggered a vision of Mary Poppins beating terrorists with a mighty spoon full of sugar, singing blissfully through the picturesque carnage.
kitsuken: and she could fly over the terrorist training camps with her umbrella, dropping random items from the bottomless handbag she carries

And dont forget the chimney sweep night squad! they've got their own natural camouflage! hm, maybe thats who they should speak to about this, not CIA or the pentagon, but chimney sweeps
it was a damned good plan.

Jen and Brad and...the great bearded man

Browsing my friends-of-friends page, I found this gem. sombras_azules, aggravated about the hype over the Jen and Brad breakup:

They split up. Somehow, the Earth does keep rotating, you know. But no, it's in the news every fifteen minutes. Jesus Christ, why don't we just make it a holiday or something. The day Jen and Brad broke up, everybody gets to stay home and mourn for centuries to come, and on that day, ye shall only wrap thyself in white and black colors. And behold! The great bearded man shall descend from the heavens and only those who answer the mighty call shall be invited into the kingdom.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

On being tired

Quoted, with permission, from a locked entry by celinabot:

also i got up for work on friday morning, went over to pet the cat (thinking, "why is he sitting in the corner like that?! that's so weird.") and realized that i was petting the broom instead.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

invadergaz on UCL's Christian Union

"You go to Hell and You Die! Then we Bufftuck you with the ten commandments. Who's the Jeddi now, bitch? OMGWTF Who's the draco/lupuswere who's laughing now, you dumb catholic/heretic/pagan/sane christian?"

I just found this unbelievably random, is all.

  • Current Music
    Think About You - GNR

(no subject)

This is part of an open letter to MusicMatch:

I cannot sufficiently pay attention to the sweet comfort side to the hurt I have laid upon my muse if you insist upon interrupting me with Eminem. Not that we don't love Eminem, mind you, we just love him when we ask for him -as we do with most men.

  • Current Music
    Parliament - "Cosmic Stop"

Salsa = No Tact

"The skillet queso down at Chili's is calling to me. I swear I hear their little cheesy-goodness voices crooning in the distance.. "Come to us Doug, we're all hot and cheesy, and the chips are fresh.." Odysseus didn't deal with such tempations! Somebody tie me to the chair! I must go and stuff my face!

Wait, now the salsa is getting into the act.. "Hey, numbnuts! Get your [deleted] ass down to the [deleted] joint! Move it!"

Well, that's salsa for you. No tact at all." - gridlore
  • Current Music
    Metallica - Master Of Puppets
dark goat

thus proving babies = drugs, from elixxir


[...]Ohmygawd that is the cutest baby I've ever seen.
Bitch please...you said that 5 minutes ago. Wtf is your damage??

Never mind that...look at the little feeties in the little pajamas...couldn't you just eat them up??
Oh for gawd's sakes...they're feet. You fucking hate feet. Stop that right this minute and get a hold of yourself.

Ooooer...and those little bums and bellies... *swoons*
Have you lost your frigging mind? You DO know what comes out of that baby ass right? You're really starting to scare me here.

Oh gawd...I can't help it. They're so cute. Cannot. Control. Need. To. Coo.
Try...for the love of all that's holy TRY!! Do you realize what you sound like here??! You are a total slave to your hormones and you should be ashamed of yourself.

I know, I know. They're just so damned small and cute and sweet looking. Must. Cuddle.
Fine. Fine! Do what you must. But if you start singing Koombaya I am so fucking out of here...[...]
brimstone hellcar

(no subject)

In the grand tradition of metaquoting metaquotes, two exchanges on the subject of lesbian cockatiels:

latentfunction: I I know I can't have been the only one to read that as "cocktails."
tabbyclaw: I was going to say that I'd certainly be bewildered if my cocktails started showing signs of lesbianism. Then I realized I wouldn't be. I'd be bewildered if my cocktails started showing signs of life. By the time they'd progressed far enough to have courtship rituals and sexual orientations, I'd be babbling gently in a corner.

And then:

Collapse )

Well, it's true

"TRL shows MAYBE 20 sec of a music video, which ammounts to half of a songs chorus, because a channel that is named MUSIC television thinks that its more important to show fucktard fans screaming about music they never hear kuz the channel shows reality shows like "Rich Girls" and "Punked" that are about as interesting as a yeast infection."

From kup0's LJ.

= Kelly =