January 9th, 2005

butt

(no subject)

*grins* i'm a newbie!

a comment from furiosity on an entry by arabwel...

(edit: credit originally to http://www.jimpoz.com/jokes/girlfriend2.0.html... sorry obout unoriginality...)

BOYFRIEND 1.0 is relatively new software and as such, it may be incompatible with any Girls Night Out software you may have running. Girls Night Out should run fine in the background if you install Drinking Buddies 1.0 and make sure it interfaces with your Boyfriend software.

Please be aware that the Boyfriend running in conjunction with DrinkingBuddies may cause sound problems on your system. It is advised to remove any Football or Hockey programs you may have installed previously, as the Boyfriend software has known performance issues when run at the same time as these other programs.

As you know, Boyfriend software is written in a proprietary language and thus the source code is uninterpretable. Do not panic. This is intentional. You will eventually come to understand the programming of Boyfriend 1.0 once you have invested sufficient time and energy in interpreting the output data.

Whatever you do, do not install Committment and Moving In patches until you are ready to upgrade to Husband 1.0, because installing these patches will necessiate the upgrade. Husband 1.0 has its advantages, such as the FreeSex feature. However, it also has disadvantages, such as the InLaws feature, which will annoy you with automatic popups that cannot me disabled.

P.S. Watch out for viruses from the K-I-D-S series because these have an insatiable appetite for memory and CPU time over and above everything else.
paul rudd in glasses
  • layered

(no subject)

yndigot gives Lost fans a tip on word usage in ficinabottle:

To say that the island is desert implies that there are cacti every few feet and that the island’s annual rainfall is particularly low.

To say that the island is dessert implies that the ground and trees are made of chocolate cheesecake.

To say that the island is deserted implies that there are no inhabitants aside from those stranded there. *This is the one that you want.*
fangirl

(no subject)

Have discovered new purpose in life: Diving behind furniture during Constantine previews, shrieking "LOOK OUT! He's trying to emote!"*

Ah, Keanu Reeves. It's like you're the whipping boy of everyone who's ever had an opinion about movies in the last 500 years.

*I actually think I could build an entire cult around this. Don't ask me why.

--smuu
SOUNDERS: I LIKE TO WHOOP IT UP
  • quack

(no subject)

sesu on this thread in liberal
He is right, the gays were trying to recruit me right out of high school, their scout was really excited by my potential. However the heteros were willing to break NSCA (National Sexuality Championship Association) rules and they threw me a lavish party and gave me a sports car. The heteros also offered the higher scholarship. Maybe the gays have a more competitive swag package since I left school?I'm pretty sure they have an edge in getting endorsement deals.
  • Current Music
    Wonder Boys
record

Losing the battle...

Still sick. It seems to have spread back into my nose. I'm imagining my antibodies shouting "Fall back! Fall back!" as the bacteria overpower it. Helper T-Cells gallop up on horseback, cresting the hill just as the tide of bacteria threatens to sweep over our heroes. Each one of the T-Cells rides up to a panicking antibody and lifts it onto its horse. "I'm here," it assures its exhausted charge, "There's nothing to worry about."

- whirlygig
I am unreasonable

Dude

From guitaromantic. The whole post is required reading.

so I was making the most of my time uptown, closeting myself in the one shitty Wendy's stall that actually had a lock (to prevent spontaneous amorous encounters with drunken Wendypatrons). Just as I began to reflect on the loss of dignity and self-respect implicit in the use of skank-ass fast food chain bathrooms, I heard the door open and two people came in.

"You
don't want to know what just happened," one of them said. The other one, quite clearly hoping to avoid the news, maintained radio silence.

"Dude....
I just shit my pants." From here on out, the situation turned completely surreal. With my jacket and bag hanging on the convenient hook and my pants around my ankles, I struggled to keep from laughing or blurting out a particularly untimely witticism.
aladdin - pretty jasmine

(no subject)

whisperwords in an unlocked post says:

...just now, the playlist threw me a doozy: "Yearbook," by Hanson.

It's angst and wailing and emo piano chords... about a kid having missed picture day. OH MY GOD WHATEVER SHALL WE DO!? WHY IS THERE NO PICTURE OF JOHNNY?! WHERE DID JOHNNY GO!?
  • Current Music
    Thirteen Senses - Do No Wrong

Death in the family.

merrickm's mother doesn't seem overly fond of her relatives.


So my mom gets a phone call from her parents, listens, and then an expression of utter glee comes across her face and she pumps her fist into the air in triumph and screams happily "UNCLE DICKIE DIED!"

A bit after that, I open a fortune cookie and immediately hand it to her. It reads "An unexpected event with bring you joy."

She has asked me to write his eulogy.
*ahem*
Uncle Dickie died.
I never knew him.
My mother did not like him one bit.
Goodbye, Uncle Dickie.
Amen.