January 7th, 2005

  • enzeru

Welcome back to Clive Barker Living...

In my mother's house, she has this plaque that proclaims, "A house is where you hang your hat; a home is where you hang your heart."
This is laden with visions manipulated by the hemispheres of my brain. I envision scores of people opening their front doors merely to rip their hearts from their chests, tossing them nonchalantly onto the coat rack. The ventricles catch and the aortas plummet.

I'm fairly certain this isn't how it was supposed to be perceived, and if it is, then let me write them a glorious fan-letter.

-ravieslave being morbidly literal, here.
Shy Guy


From this comment thread in mock_the_stupid:

neminem: Yeah, I don't find this too stupid. I don't know any state capitals at all, other than my own. Of course, I also wouldn't dream of going on Jeopardy, because I'd lose terrible - I suppose I would expect anyone who thought they had a chance on Jeopardy to know all 50 states and capitals, but I have no such reason for knowing them. And yes, there's a good chance I'll become a college professor - in computer science. Why would a computer scientist need to know state capitals?

dkogan: I don't know about you, but all my code looks like this:
while (little_rock > saint_paul)
saint_paul *= providence;
little_rock /= dover;
Trust Me- MCR

A smackdown, Bible-style

my cousin-except-she's-Canadian-and-we-aren't-technically-related lonesomeoctober said in a locked post:

Dear People Who I Wish to Give a Right Proper Smack,

Kindly stop thumping your Bibles at me. I have read the Bible. Have you? Because you keep telling me that homosexuality is wrong, because the Bible says so.

Read a bit closer, darlings.

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God;
            and every one that loves is born of God, and knows God. 
He that loves not knows not God; for God is love.
1 John 4:7-8

If you wish, I will Bible-quote you. We can rap them, if you'd like, and it'll be the hip new sequel to 8 Mile. Thank you and goodnight.

I so want to see this.
  • Current Music
    Garbage - Vow

(no subject)

In the course of a rant about gender-based inheritance in fantasy, limyaael wonders about swords that only women can wield -- can a male hero get away with using it if he just cross-dresses? To which otakukeith responds with this takeoff from Monty Python's "Lumberjack Song":

I cut down orcs, I skip and jump, I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing, and hang around in bars.
(He cuts down orcs, he skips and jumps, he likes to press wild flowers,
He puts on women's clothing, and hangs around in bars?!
He's an archetype and he's OK,
He quests all night and he angsts all day.)
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
He is Risen!

Mona Lisa Smile

This is an excerpt from the hugely popular book The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown, which I am currently reading.

The setup: Robert Langdon, the main character, is a teacher and an expert in iconography, symbolism, that sort of thing, and writes books now and then on his studies. He's given his editor (Faukman) a manuscript of his latest book, which apparantly presents a controvuersial theory regarding the legend of the Holy Grail (although at this point in the story, we're not told what that theory is). When Faukman expressed disbelief, Landgon handed him the bibliography, a list of books and articles written by more than 50 reputable and highly respected historians, all of which support the theory at hand.
"You're telling me all of these historians actually believe..." Faukman swallowed, apparently unable to say the words.
Langdon grinned again. "The Holy Grail is arguably the most sought-after treasure in human history. The Grail has spawned legends, wars, and lifelong quests. Does it make sense that it is merely a cup? If so, then certainly other relics should generate similar or greater interest-the Crown of Thorns, the True Cross of the Crucifixion, the Titulus-and yet, they do not. Throughout history, the Holy Grail has been the most special." Langdon grinned. "Now you know why."
Faukman was still shaking his head. "But with all these books written about it, why isn't this theory more widely known?"
"These books can't possibly compete with centuries of established history, especially when that history is endorsed by the ultimate bestseller of all time."
Faukman's eyes went wide. "Don't tell me Harry Potter is actually about the Holy Grail."
"I was referring to the Bible."
Faukman cringed. "I knew that."
Dissent - Jefferson

That time of the month

from quirkybird's entry here.


...It must be almost that time of the month. Those women who get pissy and defiant? That sounds fine. I get somber, existential, and sensitive. It would hilarious if I weren't the one who had to deal with it.

Man. If the great Romantic poets had been subject to menstruation like mine, they would've been goddamn insufferable*.
  • Current Mood
    cold cold

(no subject)

"Corrupting the youth of Athens," my arse. If Socrates was anything like Plato portrayed him in Republic, then he was executed on the grounds that he was a smug, self-righteous git. Besides, everyone knows youth are quite capable of corrupting each other without recourse to philosophy.
- jendleberry
bsg - starbuck

Mmm, delicious crack!

"See this CrackDictionary? See this children's vocabulary book the writers clearly cooked up under the influence of heavy drugs? I am going to use sordid entries from the CrackDictionary to blackmail Batman!"

-rackhamrose, in scans_daily, in reference to the DC Super Dictionary. Posted on behalf of helens78, who's too damn lazy to join metaquotes. ;)

and while we're at it:

Lex stood against the wall, eyeing the multi-tiered cart. He was fairly certain that he had gone unnoticed thus far, his jumpsuit being positively mundane in the crowd of costumed heroes and villains. While he waited, he counted the cakes.

"Thirty-nine...forty," he muttered, having a villainish tendency to think aloud. Four tiers, ten cakes to a tier. Forty cakes. That was as many as four tens. Lex smiled inwardly as the Joker meandered over to a rack of pies. There was no way a clown could resist such an obvious setup.

"See this PIE, Batman?" taunted the Joker, brandishing one, "See this baked food filled with fruit? I'm going to throw it at you. And, there are more pies to come."

No one was looking. Lex tied two ropes to the cart and quietly pulled it out of the hall. And that's terrible.

-zombiehamster in a beautiful interpretation of the aforementioned Dictionary.
  • Current Mood
    giggly giggly
girl reporter: Lois Lane

(no subject)

CNN sacked Tucker Carlson and "Crossfire," and chief executive Jonathan Klein partially-explains his decision by saying that he "[guesses he comes] down more firmly in the Jon Stewart camp."

Over at thedailyshow, there is much rejoicing.

In comments, drphungus waxes literary:

"I get a feeling that Tucker Carlson is going to go all Ahab from now on, forever ranting about his great white whale, Jon Stewart, to anyone who will listen, or is within listening distance."
It Starts Here And Now

... well, there you go.

Here, the ever hilarious sclerotic_rings explains to us the benefits of flavinoids:

Therefore, the next time you see me plowing through a three-kilo box of frozen blueberries, you won't just be seeing someone willing to set nuns on fire for good blueberries, but someone doing his best to make sure that he's declared competent to stand trial for nun arson.
Doctor Who - Not Ginger // mage_of_time
  • lea724


From cloudsurfing in this post. Quoted with permission:

Unless I'm missing something, the BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice appears to be categorised on CD wow under 'adult' viewing. Hm. This must be the OTHER version of Pride and Prejudice, where it's Mr Bingley who sees Darcy coming out of the lake half naked and soaking wet and they have hot gay sex right there.
Doctor Who - Not Ginger // mage_of_time
  • lea724

Brad and Jen

From daisygirl_1315's locked post. Quoted with permission.
Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are separating. =(

I wanted them to have babies!! Those would have been the most beautiful kids (after Simon and Paula's, of course, lol)

Hold Me.

But hey, at least now Brad is a free man. =DD