January 4th, 2005


Grading the cool way?

jkmoreno contemplates grading in the HP universe

Me: Kinda like how Dolores Umbridge would grade her students if she were cooler.
Me: Get out the magic dartboard. "Let's see ... Hermione Granger." *throws dart, hits a 3. "Well, that's a D. Now, Neville Longbottom." *hits a bullseye* "Full marks for Toadboy."

As seen here.

And also from jkmoreno, in the chat that the above came from: At least Lockheart was good comic relief cause you could laugh about how much he sucked and how all the other teachers probably wanted to beat him down. I'm sure Flitwick could charm a boot to repeatedly kick Lockheart in the ass for the rest of his days.
  • Current Music
    New Year's Eve-Nina Gordon
Disco Spider!


Found on snacky's famous anon hate meme:

Anonymous #1: Insane Clown Posse is retarded. And so are most of their fans.

Anonymous #2: ...And you actually believe this opinion to be controversial enough that you can only say it in an anon hate meme?
  • Current Music
    "Loser" ~ Beck

And God said......

From a flocked entry by shirou (with permission, of course) on the pronounciation of foreign cities:

international disaster, and i make jokes
Mr. Powell toured the resort island of Phuket, Thailand's worst hit area.

I have no idea how "Phucket" is supposed to be pronounced (anybody speak Thai?), but as I was reading the article in English, I anglicized it in my head.

Mr. Powell toured the resort island of Fuck it, Thailand's worst hit area.

How apropos.

. . . I'm going to hell, aren't I?
hat, potato, spud

Flame-retardant Pantyhose

blondebeaker in response to a question about her newly-discovered paganism here:

"So how come you didn't bust up into flame in the church when the Pastor reading the bible?"

Flame retardant pantyhose. Works like a dream! Now if I can find them with Idiot repellent included I will be very happy girl!
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Sister Death

Poppy Z. Pleads Insanity

Author Poppy Z. Brite (docbrite), who is beginning a new novel, admits in this entry that the stress of creativity and the demands of a few snippy fans have started to take its toll:

I don't even know what's going on in my brain any more, if anything. Chris tells me that early this morning, as he was coming back to bed after getting up to pee, I said in a sepulchral voice, "NAGIN." (Ray Nagin is the mayor of New Orleans. He is a black man, at least nominally.) When he asked me if I was OK, I said in the same voice, "Shooting black people."
Doctor Science

(no subject)

  • Current Mood
    amused lol

adventures in masturbation

Longtime lurker, first time poster. Hi all! ~waves~ :^D

In bad_sex, mc_dork regales us with tales of (mis)adventures in masturbation, here:

The whole thing is hilarious, I'm not quite sure WHAT to quote, so I'll give you a few delicacies to sample before you dive right in:

I'm 11, I have no clue that the thingie between my legs is for anything other than seeing how far you can pee.

All the men reading this know that point, the damn thing won't stop standing up and looking around everytime the wind changes, and you have no idea what to do about it.
  • Current Music
    Blank & Jones - Monument

from otf_wank on journalfen, sinner!

on this chick tract:

thebratqueen: I want to see the missing passage, where the booming voice of God then goes on to tell her to kill her friends and neighbors.

sewingmyfish: Or how to program her VCR
"i'm pressing down God.
"Well, maybe if you'd shut up"
*lightening strike*
  • Current Music
    into the woods to seeeelll a friend
when silly thoughts go through my head, she don't use jelly, i shall never grow old

(no subject)

From the fabulous caroline31, here.

(This one's for all you closet Corrieoggy ((crap, how do you SPELL that?)) fans- I know what you do at night!)
1) There is no birth control in England.
2) Abortions, on the other hand, are a dime a dozen.
3) The only employment opportunities in England are for underwear manufacturers, mechanics, barmaids, convenience store clerks, short-order cooks and taxi drivers.
4) Conveniently, everyone who resides on the street possesses at least one of these skills.
Collapse )
  • Current Music
    Le Tigre- TKO
dancing indigo

Earn Your Stripes

"  Maybe because Tony was big enough to eat anyone who tried to steal
  'flakes from him. The message being, no-one steals from mofos that eat
  children for breakfast? Or something.

  I dunno.

  I have fruit for breakfast. Maybe rice bubbles

--techno4tomcats on why the Trix Rabbit and the new Cookie Crisp mascot and the Lucky Charms steal but nobody tries to steal Frosted Flakes.
  • Current Mood
joan holloway roses

(no subject)

Someday when I am living in a box, I will fight for modal equality! No more discrimination!

...except for Locrian. Locrian can fuck off, for the most part. In the GLBTQOMGWTF world of modes, Locrian is furries.

--erinpuff, on music theory.

Back in St. Olaf...

eatmypatriot has just discovered which Golden Girl he is most like, thanks to an online quiz...
I *knew* I'd be Blanche. While I was taking the quiz, I thought to myself, "Self, you're going to be Blanche. I bet you ten bucks you are." So woot! I won ten bucks from myself!!

In other news, I lost 10 dollars in a bet with myself. Sad face.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

(no subject)

Taken from auronsgirl

</span>"Today was a Monday. Yea, verily a primordial Monday, dredged up from Cthulhu's watery crypt and sent to Earth to fuck up the lives of all who encountered it. A gibbous, squamous, squalid Monday where your heroine could've cheefully brained half her office with the coveted red Swingline stapler."
violence or tea, tea

(no subject)

This is from celli's journal, from a fic she wrote:

"When *you* buy a new cape, or wreck the Fortress and have
to repair it - again - you deduct it in the year it
happens, not the year you pay for it. Because your first
accountant was obviously on crack."

"My first accountant was Batman."

"Well, that's your problem. Never let a paranoid insomniac
vigilante do your taxes."

Link to full fic (rated NC-17, sorry, chryx!): http://www.livejournal.com/users/celli/144079.html#cutid1