December 28th, 2004

Wow Neat

(no subject)

Powell apparently said that [aid from the US to the tsunami-stricken countries is] eventually going to be billions of dollars.

Apparently already on the verge of retirement and not giving a shit, when challenged by a UN rep on his stinginess he explained exactly who was carrying the UN budget, matching the combined humanitarian donations of the rest of the world and stopped _just_ short of proposing that the rep do something anatomically impossible and deeply unhygenic.

-- doqz

Plead the FIF!

As a current squatter, I've seen that look on my mother's face before

*clears throat*

(to the tune of "The Noble Duke of York")
Oh, my brother is a douchebag
Of this I can be sure
Because he killed the battery of my car by leaving the lights on all night and then trashed the basement so now Mom's grumbling in a really ominous way that means she's finally figured out that we've graduated from "semi-helpless children" to "squatters on her property"....
...and now I can't think of anything that rhymes with "sure!"

- Here phoenixchilde sings a little ditty about bratty brothers.

(no subject)

It occurs to me that we here at metaquotes could save a lot of time and effort if everyone just added apocalypsos...

"Yesterday I got my period. Today I have a cold. Tomorrow ... hell, I don't know. At this rate, I imagine I'll be losing a limb or turning into Jell-O or something. I don't think my body's breaking down so much as it's entering an intensely surrealistic stage. I'll call you when I start coughing up bunnies."

Wow Neat


Snow! Falling from the sky! Little friendly flakes that kiss your cheeks and eyelashes! Possibly as a ruse to then sneak into your brain and take over the world but who cares! Snow!

-- thebratqueen

REPORTER 2: "Damien Hurst, Times Literary Supplement. Can you confirm or deny reports that you tried to negotiate your way into a lesbian bar yesterday?"

I can confirm it, yes, but sadly most of the negotiating was with Dave and Paul. Paul agreed to go to the lesbian bar, but only if he could sing the lumberjack song. Dave, however, just didn't feel like going so we had to sing the lumberjack song on the way home instead. Next!

-- pontius (read the whole post, it's all good)

"maybe he likes angry sex"

The following is a conversation someone had with their mother on which of the Harry Potter characters would be best in bed. You heard right. If you want to read the whole post, which I highly recommend if you need a good laugh, here it is. Now SHUT UP AND READ.
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Hope that made someone's day better. I know it did for me.
  • Current Music
    semisonic - "closing time"
i feel like lovecraft in brooklyn.
  • riddled

(no subject)

My first metaquote, courtesy of sharinganuser69 in this entry:

"me: thank you for calling EB Games...(insert cheesy phone intro here)
her: you have any game boxes?
me: game boxes?
her: yes.
me: sure...we have lots of those.
her: really? how much?
me: i can give you as many as you need. they're free.
her: you're kidding! they're $150 everywhere else...
me: mean XBoxes?!
her: uh...I that what they're called?
me: yes...and those are $150...i thought you meant just plain boxes the games go in.
her: do you have any?
me: no.
her: oh...*click*

I totally knew what she meant the entire time, but it was fun to play."

Customer service calls are great. :D
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
why does it say paperjam?

As always, sclerotic_rings makes me howl with laughter..

... which is not so good, when reading from work.

Unfortunately, the bank that issued your credit card didn't bother to explain that a card can be declined other than because you don't have enough money in the account. Screaming at me "This card has over a million dollars on it!" when your bank's verification system is down does absolutely no good, and it just makes me assume that your penis is so small that you masturbate by cutting public hairs until you find the one that bleeds. And if your bank's computer is down, why do you think that yelling at me will accomplish anything other than my wishing that your children crawl up your ass and devour you from the inside?

From this post in customers_suck.
  • kyburg

The book itself is probably nice too -

histoire68 quotes from the book Don't Think of an Elephant -

They will answer, "Lord, when did we see you unemployed and take away your benefits, or sick without health insurance and slash funding for the clinic that would have treated you? When did we lock you up without lawyers or a trial? When did we rack up billions in debt and require your heirs to pay it off?"

He will reply, "Dumbasses, you did it to millions of your countrymen who trusted you to act for their betterment. Do you think I don't take that personally? Now go and live in the world that you have created."

Then they will go away to an eternity of listening to Rick Santorum froth at the mouth about man-on-dog sex.

And there was MUCH amusement. Original post here.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused