Metaquotes

Ok... got coffee. And M&M's. Peanut M&M's. There weren't any plain M&M's in the vending machine so I had to get the Peanut ones. Anybody want the peanuts?

Tally:
Green: 6
Blue: 5
Red: 4
Brown: 3
Orange: 2
Yellow: 1

Hmm... I wonder if that was intentional.

Eating plan:
1 green
1 green + 1 blue
1 green + 1 blue + 1 red
1 green + 1 blue + 1 red + 1 brown
1 green + 1 blue + 1 red + 1 brown + 1 orange
1 green + 1 blue + 1 red + 1 brown + 1 orange + 1 yellow

I call it the delayed extinction plan. This way, each color will be at its maximum number for the longest possible time.

thepedestrian, here.

thm on the joys of sharing close quarters with immature humans:

Goddamn kids in the train wouldn't shut up; talk about your walking arguments for forcible vasectomies. Or just vasectomies in general; whatever's easier and cheaper.

Original post: amand_r reflecting on her trip to The Holy Land Experience.

Then her reply to a comment from someone contemplating what kind of rides such an Experience should feature, if they had rides:

"The Armageddon Fun House. Ride the Whore of Babylon? You must be this erect to ride."

I think this level of hanky-panky is currently survivable, but I'm growing concerned that it is the tip of the evil ice-berg; in a month or so I expect to find that it has been secretly taking pictures of me as I sleep, and posting them to it's own private web-journal. I also think it wants to go out to hostess bars, smoke cigars, and participate in lewd acts of wanton naughty.

It's going to the dark side.

What dirty, dirty little machine.

--mr_cornelius has been having problems with his laptop.

From a friend's flocked post who suffered a yeast infection:

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From a protected post, with permission. mkvl3 wants it to snow.

Subject: 0MGWTFSN0W!!!!1!

KTHX!!11!!
sn0w!!!ONE
pleeeez steeek!1
steeeek 0n zeee gr0und!!!!!1
ITZZ sn0wz0Ringg!! rarawrwrar
LOLOMGBBQ!!11BBLTTYLKTHXWTFLOLZLMAO1!!11
!!!!!111!!1!!!!!!!!!1!!1!!!11111

cookiexdough in a comment to ikissgirls, regarding relationships gone wrong:

There's no need to be in a relationship all the time, or to always go from one to the next, like stepping stones.

Why not ditch the stepping stones, and baptize yourself in the creek awhile, and then start over all new?

From the lovely Justine-ith's (justineith) journal, on the recent snowfall:

Holy crappe!

It's snowing, children! Opposed to 'snowing children' which isn't quite as fun but... YAY!

sullen points out the obvious, in response to this post in cooking where someone complains that people are picking on her for being a vegetarian that eats poultry. All this while asking for suggestions on how to stretch her chick-fil-waaaah diet with a side order of french cries, or something.

Just to clarify, in the new, more open minded internet, if you disagree, you're rude. The only way to be nice if you see something incorrect is to either remain silent (and thereby condone it) or agree, never forgetting to add a note of consolation for the poor original poster having to deal with all those mean haters who had the unmitigated gall to point out the obvious.

Much <3's to lacto-ovo-pesco-bova-avia-vegetarians.

The lovely andy_longwood and her holiday stress...

And so it was that Andy took on only three courses for her senior year, and yea did she rejoice, for perhaps now, for the first time in four years, she could truly have a winter vacation.

And then the Irony Gods laughed and said "Aww look, she thought we were going to go easy on her! How cute!"

And then Andy was smacked by the Divine Fish of Holiday Stress. The end.

davidazus: [To someone with a "Pomeranian of Doom" icon] That's a very macho attack cat sleeping on my shoulders. He says your "Pomeranian of Doom" is a doomed Pomeranian. Not for anything you say, it's just that he's got this thing about dogs with more volume and less weight than he.

---

jess_d_ripper:I have a theory that the more time you spend in pet communities, the surlier you become. It's a degenerative condition. [Practical Pet Care] has some of the most brain-meltingly dumb pet owners around. I mean dumb like "My dog has been bleeding from every orifice for two weeks, what should I do," "can i breed my cat and geaineaa pig, i want kitty pigs. lollorzorzz," or "do u have a home remedy for death?" Really dumb.
Of course, that's no excuse for wanking, but it might be an explanation. I'm afraid it's a short path from "Here's some helpful advice" to "Never own pets again! I will cut you!"

moonjaguar: Kittypigs! Actually what I really want are finchy pigs. Little flying guinea pigs that shit on your head? Er, no I don't.

---

cpip (here): I'm sure Red Skull will like the Chia Pet. Only a heartless Nazi couldn't love...
Oh, damn.
Did you send along a gift receipt, Lord Doom?

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--- The ever-amusing primeoffense, here.

Forgive me if I already posted this, but it popped up in my LJ so I think I might not have.

From a locked post in yep_i_am_dennis's journal, with permission:


seraphic_slayer: And no Drunken Dennis.
seraphic_slayer: You're only killing yourself from the inside out! ::sob::
yep_i_am_dennis: GET OFF MY BACK BITCH!!! ::throws mirror at you"
seraphic_slayer: I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS! ::packs bag:: I'M GOING TO MY SISTER'S HOUSE, YOU BASTARD!!!!
seraphic_slayer: ::sobs::
yep_i_am_dennis: FINE! AND WHEN HER HUSBAND MOLESTS YOU AGAIN AND YOU HAVE YOUR 12th KID DONT COME BACK CRYING TO ME!
seraphic_slayer: ::sobs some more::
yep_i_am_dennis: YOU AND THOSE LITTLE BASTARDS!
yep_i_am_dennis: GET OUT!!!!!!!!!! *THROWS EMPTY BOTTLE OF VODKA AT YOUR HEAD*
seraphic_slayer: ::sobs and calls cops on cell phone::
seraphic_slayer: And vodka? You ARE a dirty drunk.
yep_i_am_dennis: *SMASHES YOUR CELL PHONE AND SITS ON YOU* YOU ALWAYS HURT ME! WHY!
yep_i_am_dennis: AND YOU ALWYAS MAKE ME HURT YOU!!!1
yep_i_am_dennis: WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME!
seraphic_slayer: You're sitting on ME and I always hurt YOU?!
yep_i_am_dennis: god I seen tomany lifetime movies.
seraphic_slayer: And you wonder why I want Stockard Channing to play you all the time.
yep_i_am_dennis: LOL
yep_i_am_dennis: ::CUT TO THE END OF THE MOVIE:::
yep_i_am_dennis: JAE I LOVE YOU! IM SORRY! I GOT CANCER! ::dies::
seraphic_slayer: DENNIS I LOVE YOU TOO! WE'VE RECONCILED OUR DIFFERENCE, LEARNED THE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS, AND BURIED YOUR DEAD GRANDMOTHER (as opposed to your live one) TOGETHER DURING WHICH YOU LEARNED THAT YOUR DRINKING ONLY HURTS THOSE AROUND YOU......AND I'VE GOT A WOMAN'S DISEASE!!! ::dies too::
yep_i_am_dennis: ::credits roll and some sad song by Celine Dion plays::

pikakao said in this thread in scans_daily :

XD! They need to have a BAT-TASTIC cereal. That would be fun. "::CHOMP-- OW!:: ... Yay I got a special prize! KRYPTONITE RING! ::POSE::"

norseblue watches David Bowie and Bing Crosby sing Little Drummer Boy:

Wow, that didn't look forced at all. I kept waiting for Bing Crosby to beat David Bowie senseless with a sock full of oranges.

itvirgin rants about her not-so-white Christmas in Snow: The Myth Shattered:

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lizbee tells another horror story about Hell's Bakery:

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The always funny, unfortunately friends-only _iambic, in a locked post (Yes, yes.. with permission)

You know how during the holidays, youth groups around the country go to hospitals and sing Christmas carols to the dying children and old people? I was thinking about this...if I were eighty something years old and a group of teenagers came in and started singing "Jolly Old St. Nicholas" at the foot of my bed, the first thought through my head would be "Oh, shit. I'm going to die soon." It wouldn't cheer me up in the least.

ishyface recounts a traumatic experience with the dentist.

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_paper_roses_ and others in a comment thread ostensibly about Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani on ohnotheydidnt:

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From nerdanelthenerd, on molten_emma's journal:

I haven't done my Christmas shopping yet, can't be bothered...I mean, so much hassle: you have to get dressed, go out of the house, get to some shops, go into the shops, inspect the merchandise, make about one thousand different value judgements at more or less the same time (think what this does to your nervous system), buy stuff, pay for it, either get embarrassed with your switch card or drop the change everywhere, carry all the stuff home, take it out of the bags, wrap it properly, write gift tags, wait around for a bit, give the stuff to the recipients, watch them pretend to like it, keep smiling, then put all the wrapping paper in the bin. Then you have to go out in the cold to put the buckets out, and only then can you relax and not think about Christmas presents. I mean, you might as well go up to people and ask them to look disappointed for a second: same outcome, less bother.

'Tis the season to be cynical.

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