Metaquotes

From the ever-lovable rackhamrose...

Sweet mother of crap, that's about the dozenth time tonight I've heard a low-flying aircraft go by over this neighbourhood.

What is this, Sky Captain And The Horror Of Suburbia? Aces High And The Very Slow Sunday Night? The Red Baron Gets Unbelievably Wasted And Mistakes A Bunch Of Trees For The Foreign Legion?

See the tiny rest here! (Also, I'd go for that last title)

turabiannights was lamenting about that horrifically silly website. In specific she was discussing Jonathan Goode (grade 7) who "applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking." Her conclusion?

Best wishes to Jonathan Goode, grade 7, in EVER FINDING A WIFE. Though I bet if he waited a few years, Sally Reister, grade 3, author of "God Made Kitty," might be interested

luthien_amandil, from a conversation about gay rights in America, Australia, and the world:

oh we can love whoever we want. so long as they're:
a. over the age of consent.
b. of the opposite sex to our own.
c. not... tentacled.

From maryavatar's journal

Just spent half an hour poking around the settings on my computer, changing fuses and checking to make sure everything was plugged in right, 'cuz my porn wasn't grunting.

Finally noticed that the remote control for my new speakers has a mute button.

Me: Oooh, what does THIS button do?
Computer: *max volume porn noises*
Me: Eeek! Mute! Mute!
Computer: UH UH URHHH! *squish* UARGH!
Me: *dies of shame*

le squeeeeee!!!!!!! I am now the proud owner of the ROTK EE!!!!! I have the whole set now!!

*wipes tears of joy and holds like an award* I never thought this day would come. I'd like to thank the brilliant PJ who brought it to life with his vision, the one and only true king Aragorn.. er I mean Viggo, the adorable hobbits who never gave up, the gorgeous elf (princess :p) Leggy, the deliciously rugged men of Gondor and Rohan and everyone else involved. We couldn't have had it without you, but most importantly the man that created it all J.R.R Tolkien. I love you man! You so rock! *wipes eyes again and strokes the preciouss lovingly* /corny

From a post on bad_sex, cut for language and theme. Full text can be read here

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spikey1201 writes out the trailer for the latest movie that is all the rage with the college students.

(blank screen)
(light fading in from the upper right hand corner)
(William Shatneresque voiceover starts softly, gaining power as the light begins to consume the screen)
(Voice's words should be accompanied by large block letters which flash and disappear)
(softly) "Three years have passed since the evil first came to the small, peaceful mountain town"
(series of ultra-quick, too-bright images of running students with backpacks)
"They conquered it once"
(pause)
"But every year, it returns, to take it's revenge on those who defeated it, and seek out new victims"
(long puase)
"This year..."
(longer pause)
(extreme close-up slow motion of a pencil being broken in half, accompanied by an extremely exaggerated snapping noise)
(screen suddenly black, following typeface to be huge and red)
"IT'S OUT FOR BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(The snapping noise should continue through the red-typeface screen, and then suddenly stop)
(pause)
(following words flash into existence separately, each accompanied by loud boom, in gigantic type)
"EXAM WEEK IV: THE RECKONING"
(and beneath, in tiny type with no sounds)
"coming all too soon to theatres near you"
(end)

Subject: Coonskin re-cap

Just caught a very pissed-off Raccoon to the head. See, I was out at the dumpster emptying the catbox and... (you all see where this is going) I apparently disturbed a Raccoon in the middle of his hitting the bottom-of-the-dumpster Raccoon buffet. Up he launches, off the ledge of the dumpster, off of my head (knocking me back) and off into the night.

Sigh...my head just hasn't been having an easy day of it.

-- moonandserpent

It was too funny not to post...at least I think so...
(with permission granted)

Said by solandra in a friends-locked post after taking a quiz called "Which goth band are you?"

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Stolen from this post...

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nightsashke: Exactly who decides which ketchups are "fancy"? I mean...is this premium ketchup? Did it win a contest?

zibacco: There's a whole ketchup hierarchy. Certain brands get to go to finishing school and have coming out parties, other brands get pregnant in high school, have lots of packets they can't support and go on welfare.

Found here.

--Kitti

...that's part of what makes blogs so strange and wonderful. Village life, without the actual villiage. If I want to disappear, all I have to do is stop writing.

As seen here

Just view the link.

When I say: "I'm sorry, I can't really talk right now"
I usually mean: "Sweet merciful CHRIST. You have the manners of a sexually frustrated howler monkey, the social appeal of ripe Venezuelan roadkill, and the attention span of a sperm. Stop IMing me every two seconds before I fall weeping to my knees and repent for having ever lived to witness your rise as the brutally retarded scion of a godless, smiley-saturated AOL Apocalypse."

-- piyadassi, here, having a rousing game of Said vs. Meant with bad RPers.

adjectivegirl, somewhere in the discussion here about the dearth of hot Disney men:

What the shit am I saying? DUH. Triton. Little Mermaid.

I KNOW HE'S HER FATHER SHUT UP I HATE YOU! ::doorslam::

---

I hurt myself trying not to disturb other students by cackling.

In the someposifeed thread for the latest Something Positive comic, kawaiichan says she thinks the situation has gone from cute to creepy. elshunoijetat replies:

"isn't it such a fine line? Eye contact vs the piercing stare of some psychopath who is imagining your innards poured out as you burst like a pinata. You'd be amazed how often that gets mixed up...people think I make eye contact."

Marvel Comics fans will understand:

The always blunt and brilliant b_the_enemy, in response to a certain advice columnist's reply to this question at sages_of_chaos:

If there is ever something you don't want to hear when you write in to ask for real life advice, it's these five words:

"Ultron will field this one."

Things devolve into insanity further down the thread, where the mighty Ultron provokes a crisis of TMI in discussing his child's - the android known as The Vision - sex life with the Scarlet Witch:

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You kinda lost Ultron there. Jesus H. people, parents don't REALLY want to know that much about their offspring's sexuality. I know that I was squicked out when The Vision sent me an email regarding his marital problems with Wanda. I was all, "Um. I've modified your unit for vibration mode. Please don't tell me any more, Love Ultron."

emrinalexander aka Aunt Lavinia says,

When it comes to religion, I've probably done most and at least paid a quick visit to the rest, with a stop off for post cards at the "Shrine of Bob The Cat, Prophet of The Large and Sacred Tuna".

But even she can be pushed beyond her tolerance limits:

I went to the Post Office on Tuesday and while I was minding my own business, tossing junk mail into the trash bin, a guy of indeterminate age walked up to me and demanded to know if I "knew the Lord?"

"Not recently, he never calls me these days, he never writes," I said.

Read the whole thing, for Lo! she is right on.

In response to some wacko saying Bush has returned the US to the ideology of "Peace Through Strength";

"Peace through strength? What, is he a Decepticon?"

-- hooper_x

See the post and article here. I am not responsible for any sporking that will ensue.

In this friends-locked entry, kimeve says:

Apparently the word "vagina" is a dirty word. ....oh yes. And vaginas threaten your SOUL.

Edit @ 20:57: P.S. The website becomes a much more entertaining read if you replace "V******" with "Voldemort".

(Quoted with permission, of course.)