Metaquotes

court_jesster said this, in response to my post about getting an iPod. I thought it was so funny, I had to put it here.

I feel like I should congratulate you. Like you just had a child or something. XDD I wanna get you little "It's an iPod!" balloons.

From the lovely and talented _sara...

All this Christmas is getting on my nerves. I haven't encountered a lot of Christmas this year, relative to past years, but it always gets on my nerves. The commercialized version of is supposed to celebrate something about love; the forcing down my throat of a Christian holiday that I want nothing to do with; that we are all supposed to love Christmas because it's for everyone now and supposedly secular. It all grates.

I feel like I can't get heard about this, though. Thanks to all of the stories (films, books, etc) about the hard-hearted Scrooge-type who finally sees the magic of Christmas, my objections get laughed off as the first act of some Christmas spirit redemption story, with the final "God Bless Everyone" scene implied before I shut my mouth. I'm not a Scrooge. Scrooge was a misanthrope with intimacy issues. I just don't do Christmas.

What would happen if I started saying "No, thank you." when people wished me a Merry Christmas?

People keep urging me to be accepting and inclusive. Urging an American to be inclusive of Christmas is like urging FM radio to embrace pop music.

Forgive me if I don't get the appeal of the yule log. It's a log on fire, obviously having been set on fire because it's possessed by an evil Christmas orchestra. And it plays holiday tunes in a futile effort to distract itself from its fiery torture instead of screaming in agony as it burns to death.
--apocalypsos on the Yule Log going national

Busy lately. Not many exciting posts. The cold weather has killed the bugs, and Athena has been well behaved. Damn you, world! If you keep going smoothly, my readers will start sending me pipe bombs just so I'll blog amusingly about That Time My Hand Wound Up On The Roof...

-- ursulav

In a comment in response to this entry in my journal, stevietee writes:

She is woman, hear her whore.

A conversation between thepsychicclam and her sis.

Bek: There was a warm wind coming from Mordor.
Clammy: It may be because of the lava. Or the fact that it's in the south.
Bek: Sauron was nothing but a pissed off redneck!

"This religion pretty much says it all. Die in battle and spend all day fighting and all night drinking until the day comes that you and all the world are killed by legions of monsters and a really big wolf, or spend the afterlife as a chunk of ice until eaten by said wolf. Pretty bleak."

--hohotread discusses the Vikings in his ongoing series, A Shotgun Approach to the History of Violence

My friend Tacologic often uses his journal to share pieces of music. Here’s his latest entry:

OK, think about all of the unlikely word pairings you've encountered in your life. Military intelligence? Yeah, sure, we've all heard that one. Jumbo shrimp? Yep, that one makes you wonder, too. Christian Heavy Metal? That's just plain wrong.

Allow me to introduce you to a new one: Disco Polka.

You remember watching the Lawrence Welk show with your parents when you were a kid, right? Remember that guy playing the accordion? That's Myron Floren. He made a disco polka record. Accordion. Disco. Polka.

He goes on to praise Mr. Floren’s opus as “an album full of the dank deliciousness of Disco: swirling strings, bombastic bongos, Fender Rhodes, all topped with enough oom-pah-pah to get both your uncle Irwin, Grand Poobah at the Moose Lodge, and your cousin Vinnie, Assistant Manager at the Quick Lube, on the dance floor...it'll fill your living room with the roar of polyester.”

If you want to hear the song in question, there’s a link in the original entry. Remember to right-click-save!

Oh chrismtas treeeee, oh christmas treeee, I'M GOING TO CHOP YOU INTO KINDLING... you are more trouble...than you're worth...in my office...you should not be...oh christmas treeee, oh christmas treee....you're going to be turned into WOOD CHIPS....


ARGH.

-- kixie, with an ode to her office Christmas tree

Has anyone ever noticed that doctors seem to actually thrive off conversation? They may be verbavores.

-canthlian

it's good to know that in the event of a emergency, the puppy will come and eat my glasses

--crantz

From an old post by follybard:

(As an aside unrelated to ninjas or noodles, I've been grazing on the cake all evening in portions determined according to Zeno's Paradox. Ah, the joy of it -- for if I keep it up, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE CAKE. I love math. And cake.)

Oh, and self? I don't care how bad your late-night/early-morning boredom gets. Trolling for Mary Sues on fanfiction.net just isn't a good idea. Because, just like caffeine, there's only so much of that shit you can take before things start to get unhealthy. And actually, Little Miss "I am Harry's Long-Lost Twin Sister, Voldemort's Daughter, Sirius's Niece, Snape's Adopted Daughter, Dumbledore's Sekrit Lover, Ron's Cousin's Best Friend, the Third Cousin Twice Removed of Blaise Zabini's Great-Aunt's Roomate, the amazing half-human, half-witch, half-veela, half-unicorn, half-vampyre, half-faerie, half-giant squid, half-Guatemalan farm-raised catfish (and yes, that makes me four times as much a being as you are!), straight from America, the one, the only, Mary Selenity Elvira Cymnayaera Serena Mystica Riddle Potter Snape Sue!" is probably far more damaging than a mere LD-50 of caffeine.

~The ever-lovely 10littlebullets

Somebody should totally write a story that includes these characters.

I get weird when I'm sick (i.e. chopping off my waist-length hair this year when I had mono).

I get really weird when I'm sick and have to work.

I suppose that explains my sudden urge to french-kiss every woman I see. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! If I can't be soprano, nobody can! I will inflict my laryngitis on you all! The world will be one giant chorus of croaking! BWAHAHAHAHA...*cough, choke, hack-up-lung*...

kjpepper, in a locked post quoted with permission:

Now we're about six. The only reason why I say that is cause today I feature beribboned pigtails, sweatpants, turtleneck, and my brooklyn subway t-shirt, not to mention my Timberlands. I seriously look like I'm ready to march out and deck some boys head first into the sandbox.

There's nothing quite like waking up at 9am to the sound of screaming Nazgul shaking your walls, taking a few hysterical minutes to think "OH GOD OH GOD THIS IS IT I REGRET NOTHING" before realizing it's not the apocalypse fire, brimstone and Tolkien style but your roommate, who woke up at 8 to buy the ROTK special edition and is sort of wafting the movie up through your floor vents.

- dahchi, locked post, have permission, will travel.

tianyu has it all figured out:

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HEAT. OMG HEAT. HEAT YAY. HEAT/ME = OTP. I AM SO GOING TO MARRY HEAT AND HAVE A MILLION OF HEAT'S BABIES!!!1one!!!! HEAT OMG SQUEE.

The song/celebrity/word meme's going around, and it seems innocuous enough--"we could all use a boost now and then, so steal this for your journal and make someone else's day as well"--but y'know it's only a matter of time before some poor soul signs up for his turn in the spotlight and gets told, oh, I dunno:

1. Smashmouth, "Sorry About Your Penis"
2. Henry Kissinger
3. DSM-IV (an abbreviation counts as one word, right?)

So yeah. Think I'll stay safely away from this one, thanks!

--The ever-quotable tom_kiper

nellsiae in this post:


Christ, why? WHY?!

Mom and I went shopping for needy kiddos again this year, and guess what we ended up buying?

A Bratz doll.

I hang my head in shame.

The damn thing looks like a prostitute action figure. "With amazing fellatio action! Her head also recoils with the pull of a string, to go along with Bratz Danny's smackin' arm! She best not be doin' all that crack herself! (Bratz Danny sold separately)".

From fiorebianca

Edit: Fixed the linkage. Thanks.

"I'm sorry - I know Anna Kournikova has a gorgeous body, athletic, strong and yet, still feminine. She also has long, lustrous and thick blonde locks. All well and good except for one thing:

She's got a face like a drunken dirty-diapered monkey had sex with a wet pancake. Skevotz.

Word on the street is that she done married my husband Enrique. Here is a letter to you, Enrique. It says it all.



Dear husband #287,

Why Enrique?! Do you like wet pancakes and poopy-filled diapers? You are a HOT, HOT man with a killer voice, but your taste is questionable. Again, for lack of a more fitting word, skevotz.

Love,
Moi"