December 12th, 2004

only in french to be pretentious

Mm, Johnny Depp.

linzeestyle has a problem with using school computers. Well, that seems to be the least of her problems, actually...

(From this locked entry. Meant to quote it earlier but it kind of got lost on my computer.)

And I can't read fic, because the last thing I am going to do is sit in a lounge surrounded by freakishly overachieving academic-types and read porn. Well. In perfect seriousness, I would do that, but I'm sort of afraid they sit and monitor these computers in which case they're probably watching me *type* about porn as I speak. In fact, every time I say "porn" it probably goes on a checksheet in the head office, and one day when I apply for graduate or buisness school or whatever they're going to go "you said 'porn' 3,245 times between freshman and senior year" and it's going to go on a printout somewhere, right next to the amount of times I didn't have something profound to say in class because I was too busy thinking about Johnny Depp.
  • Current Music
    She's Your Cocaine - Tori Amos

First post, first quote, etc.

From dgenerator, here, on a drunk chick who wouldn't stop pawing him:

Get your fucking boobs off my arm unless I've made it clear that it's okay. I mean, shit, she could've made it a lot easier on herself, and just said, "I hate my life. I need cock. YOUR cock." And then I could've said, "Sorry, but my cock is staying at home tonight. It's grounded."
naked girl by me

(no subject)

From reticentdream

I just noticed that my sugar is flirting with me.

When I went home, I got those Domino dots and I just looked at my box of it and it says 'We'll always be your sugar!'

I don't know whether to be flattered or afraid. But um, sugarbox, I'm so not having sex with you. However, I will put you in my mouth.
  • libram

(no subject)

reallylucky, here:

cailencrow (10:36:37 AM): smurfs are blueberry flavored
LightAdvanced (10:36:45 AM): Don't I know.
cailencrow (10:36:56 AM): except Papa Smurf
LightAdvanced (10:37:04 AM): He was rasberry
cailencrow (10:37:06 AM): yes
cailencrow (10:37:16 AM): god that show was creepy
LightAdvanced (10:37:42 AM): "Hey how was your date with Smurfette"
I Smurfed her
"No Smurfin' way!"
Smurf Yes!
Dude! *high five* SMURF!
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
alert the medic
  • arisato

Sort of long, but...

Sooo anyhow, I'm walking to work and this adonis jumps out and asks if I want to say hello to his hawk. I ask you, WTF is the correct response to that? (I once got a pr0nspam message from a random perv asking if I wanted to fondle his duck, but I assumed that to be a typo between "i" and "u"... I have no idea what you'd have to mangle to get "hawk"). I was just about to punch him in his (beautiful) face when I realised he actually had a Harris Hawk strapped to one arm. It was not happy at being next to a carosel and was flapping and squarking like mental. Just when I was explaining that falconry prolly wasn't my thing, the hawk finally snapped and tried to eat a small child's head. And then suddenly I had grand visions of myself on the rolling hills, a hawk at my side, hunting a pack of small toddlers.

And now I'm seriously considering falconry as a career.

-- c/o ffenics, taken with permission from a flocked post.
  • jadian

(no subject)

From lowrentvalkyrie, who works nights at the front desk of a hotel:

One of the young men that the university is recruiting for the football team stopped by my desk last night.

Him: Uh, I lost my room key.
Me: Oh, no problem. Do you have your ID on you? I need to check that before I can give you a new key.
Him: No, uh, I forgot it. But I know my name.
Me: ..
Bobinet, Hungarian theatre, La Vie Parisienne, Párizsi élet

Dryer sheets

"Why, why, why do people put weird perfumed crap in dryers? You want your towels and such to smell like cheap perfume, you can bloody well mist some over them *after* you have removed them from the laundry room you *share* with *other people*. Seriously, a chem lab smells better than your scented dryer sheets/fabric softener. Any Alpine Valley that smelled like that would probably have a serious toxic waste problem."
-summerose, here

Quoted with permission.

(I feel I should point out that summerrose has allergy issues, so it's not just "Ew, smelly things." But that part of the entry wasn't funny, so I didn't quote it.)
Baby Jesus
  • dwivian

Have you Found Jesus?

A wonderful writer, eyelid said here:

Speaking of Jesus, one of the judges at my Sentencing class said that he knew where Jesus lives. Jesus lives in the County Jail, because everyone who comes before him for Sentencing has found Jesus during their stay there. With so many sightings, that must be where Jesus lives.

"Dear badfic slash authors..."

pikacharma in fanficrants - there's more. ^_^

Writing about gay sex or gay characters ((or any minority group, for that matter)) is not a Get Out Of Jail Free card exempting you from any and all less-than-stellar reviews, and I, for one, am damn sick of all the grammatically handicapped little asswipes playing the "you just flamed me because I write slash!" card everytime someone calls them out for crazy pairings, lousy characterization, crappy formatting, or any other standard fanfiction pitfall that's really got a grand total of jack and shit to do with homophobia. If you post crapfic and get called on it, either own up or shut up, but don't *even* try to make it out like the reviewer is the next Grand Dragon of the KKK who sits around flaming fics only when they're not too busy prowling the streets of downtown San Francisco with a baseball bat and a bike chain, because not only does it make you look like a complete and total idiot, it's also insulting as all hell to your audience.

If you wanna write badfic, have fun, but please keep in mind that using a slash warning does not give you license to sodomize the English language -- and when you do finally get flamed for it, call Hooked On Phonics, because it's really not PFLAG's department.
  • Current Mood
    mischievous mischievous

(no subject)

torchthisnow tells us how smooth she is, in this entry:

I kept telling him that he looked like Michael Cassidy, too. (Which he didn't.) And then I had to try and explain who Michael Cassidy was. Then the boy told me his name, which was Trevor.

Want to know what my stunning pickup line was?

"Holy shit, your name is Trevor? THAT'S NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM'S TOAD'S NAME. Omigod, do people tell you that all the time?"

I am really fucking embarrassed.
  • Current Music
    "One Step Closer" - Richard Cheese
years go by


God I make the most horrendous "typos." They're not even regular typos, they's like super-duper-mega typos. As in, changing the endings of words, substituting one word for another and completely dropping short phraselets. I have this creeping feeling that sometime I will be typing an e-mail to my mother telling her 'I set up an appointment for Monday' and accidently type 'I want to take it up the ass with a nice hard cock' without even realizing it.

~ njyoder, here