December 10th, 2004

Diva (By Foxglove_Icons)


This is actually quite old, so I can't remember if it was quoted or not, and if it was...well, with any luck you've forgotten. :)

I WILL throw glitter at you. I stole the idea from a comedian whose name I cannot remember. He was talking about getting fired from a job and he said if it's a job you hated anyway you should make a scene. Like throwing glitter in your boss's face. Why? Have you ever gotten glitter on you? That crap's hard to get offa you. And he's right.

From now on I travel with a pocket full of glitter, so when I meet people I don't like, or who piss me off I'm ready.

"I'm sorry, sir, but X-Men 3 is sold out."
"Oh yeah? Well, *GLITTER!*"

Y'see *GLITTER!* is the part where I throw glitter in her face and walk away. The only problem is with me being from New York I'll be throwing a lot of glitter...'cause I don't like anyone really. I barely like you. Yeah you. Oh really? Well then, *GLITTER!*

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, glitter. I visualize getting written up in the local paper. "Crazed Glitterer Strikes Again! A Sparkly Town In Terror!" The police will come to arrest me and I'll throw glitter in their faces, then hop in my white Bronco and we'll have a low speed chase with me throwing glitter at innocent bystanders along the way... I'll get arrested and Kato Kaelin will be at my trial not remembering anything. Then I'll get sentenced to six months in jail. Originally it was only going to be 24 hours of community service (I mean, c'mon, it's not like they're going to be upset, it's only glitter) but after hearing my sentence I got pissed off and threw glitter in the judge's face, so I got six months for assulting the judge.

Glitter is a deadly weapon.

-- seraphic_slayer

Life is like a box of sugar-free chocolate...

Quoting Mr. Wal-Mart himself:


TASHA: For Valentine's Day, I'll just give everyone a box of candy.
ME: You really shouldn't give me a box of chocolates.
TASHA: Right, the diabetes.
ME: Diabetes, hell--I'll dress up like Forrest Gump, sit on a park bench, and just talk to people all day!


Go read the whole thing or this Buddhist monk will set himself ablaze in protest:

Do it for the monk. Please?

(no subject)

At the stroke of midnight signalling the 10th of December 2004, smoking was outlawed in bars around New Zealand. The original thread is here, and I recommend taking a look at the piece of art posted in the first place. It's a very cute and amusing way of depicting the change.

amarynth had this to say on the subject:

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  • Current Music
    "Don't You Forget About Me" - Simple Minds
Stephanie Brown //girl wonder
  • lelola

Yay, exam time!

Not exactly written by morning_songs, but she's the one that posted it on LJ. Due to the time of year, it's just too fitting not to post.

Twas the night before exams
And all through the dorms
Not a student was stirring
Books and papers were the norm

Classnotes were scattered
All over the place
Student's eyes overcome
With that weary glaze

Longing for comfort
Of warmth in their beds
Can't get bio Japanese, 113, 211, and calculus
Out of their heads

Surrounded by bottles
of pills of caffiene
I reach for my coffee
And add sugar and cream

We continue to study
As the daytime takes flight
Happy finals to all..
And all will be awake all night...
  • Current Mood
    silly procrastinastic~!

Good plan...

oppositeworld replying to a post on my journal about scary Alabaman lawmakers:

"I think...I think I am going to go out, buy every single book that exists portraying a homosexual lifestyle as acceptable and okay, and I'm going to pile them in a car, and drive to Alabama. Then, I'm going to sit in my car, right in front of his house, on the road, so he can't make me move, and I'm going to read every single one of them. Through a loudspeaker."
  • Current Mood
    amused amused if cranky
curbside prophet

(no subject)

In my journal, silent_r_infork and I were discussing the Ontarian accent. You know, hoose for house, etc. So, talk turned to 'mouse' and...

CANADIAN: Eh, my cat caught a moose the other day. Dragged it to the front porch and left it there, eh.
  • ysabel

(no subject)

In comments in reply to one of his posts, howardtayler said:

C'mon! It'd been better to dress the Mary, Joseph, and Jesus up as The Incredibles

And Judas gets dressed as Syndrome, and Frozone plays the Holy Ghost. I'd pay to see that movie, because you KNOW that Baby Jesus would use some of those morphin' super-powers.

*sigh* Okay, I probably wouldn't pay to see it, but it would still be better than the Polar Express.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
line drawing, cgi-drawn icon with ferris wheel and cat


In a comment in scottbateman's journal, thisismostlyme wrote:

When my boyfriend was new to me and my kids he went to go find some Yu-Gi-Oh cards for my then 9-year-old son for Christmas. He went into Toys-R-Us and asked the clerk for uvula cards. The clerk stared at him a moment and asked if he ment Yu-Gi-Oh cards. David then replied, "I don't know, do I?"

To this day they are called uvula cards in our house.
  • colubra

Overheard on a friend's journal...

missuh teaches kids. She handed the kids a portion of various old saws, and let them go to town, saying things like "finish this sentence: 'a stitch in time...'" Then, she brought the results home and shared them with the class.

My personal favorite was:
If you can’t beat them…Eat them.

Go here to read them all, though.
agent may is unimpressed

On Avril Lavigne and SpongeBobSquarepants

While playing this week's ljdq quiz, this was a question:

4. This musical sensation from Canada, who has put out the very-well-received albums Let Go and Under My Skin, has most recently contributed to the soundtrack for the Spongebob Squarepants movie, which I know you're all dying to see. Who is she?

Among the many great and funny responses, this is the one that had me giggling at work.

"He was a sponge,
She was a pearl.
Can I make it any more obvious?
He wore brown pants,
She played croquet.
What more can I say?
He wanted her,
she'd never tell,
secretly she wanted him as well.
But all of her friends their minds were shut,
They had a problem with rectangular butts.

He's a sponge wearing pants,
She's a bivalve irritant,
He wasn't good enough for her,
She lived in an oyster shell,
She didn't really know him well,
She needed to stop being a jerk." - sskipstress

Dude, everyone needs to read, and play LJDQ. It's comedy gold.

science nerdery

jrug tends to be fairly witty. This will probably only be funny to those who are also science nerds; it made me nearly spray water across my monitor.

I'm amused by the whimsical idea that 1) nations have DNA, and 2) God would be in it, somewhere.

Actually, I take that back; it would depend on the genomic architecture and coding capacity of the nation, wouldn't it?

Read the whole thing, if you like. God, I'm a nerd...
  • Current Mood
:D, yay!

Johnny Depp looks girly. But is that really so bad?

Regarding inkysweet's post about the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film:

For some reason I keep getting Ed Wood flashbacks when I look at it. Pehaps it's because innocent/twisted themes run through both Wood and Wonka's respective characters. Perhaps it's because Johnny Depp seems to be wearing lipstick... >.> This compounded with the 'eyeliner' in PotC, suggests that Depp is priming a career jump into becoming a Mabeline Cover girl. I'm not complaining though. In fact, nothing would thrill me more than coming across makeup ads with a dolled up Depp voguing to captions like, "Made for a woman, but sexy enough for a man". I know I'd switch to whatever brand of makeup he pimped...

And in the comments:

inkysweet: It's definately going to be a trip. And yes, sososo girly. This movie give women the chance to be "Lesbian for Johnny Depp". :-D

(no subject)

dodgyhoodoo, on the difference between RPGs and work-related roleplay training exercises:

"Roleplaying games are like a bunch of cuddly koalas who occasionally get drunk and set your trailer on fire. Roleplaying exercises in a training setting are drop bears that eat tourists."
  • evadrad

(no subject)

Sorry. Just a little something invalid_sex said. Couldn’t resist. I hope you all appreciate the irony.

I've realized that metaquotes is run by a bunch of holier than thou crybaby prudes with wrinkly old dry vaginas (that are probably filled with sand) that would much rather read muffin recipes and share lesbian fantasies about Tori Amos with eachother than be faced with the reality that people actually enjoy the stuff that silent_r_infork and myself come up with.

chewing gum is really gross

(no subject)

lyotto expresses a bit of frustration, here

I love how I'm going through my e-mail and it's like "LJ comment, LJ comment, LJ comment from two weeks ago, junk mail, junk mail, LJ comment, LJ comment, junk mail, LJ comment from a month ago, LJ comment, junk mail, junk mail, junk mail, LJ comment from yesterday, LJ comment from yesterday, junk mail, LJ comment from LAST YEAR."

WTF!?! LAST YEAR!?! No joke, ladies and gentlemen, and it wasn't even one I'd just saved for some reason, either. It wasn't even a comment of substance. It was simply someone saying "Good job!" on a piece of art I posted. LAST! YEAR! I'm used to getting e-mails, especially notifications from LJ, extremely late, but this is ridiculous. No. Wait. Scratch that. Ridiculous just isn't a strong enough word for it.

Fo' real.
  • Current Music
    Hawksley Workman - Striptease

This said it all. Had to share.

Wolf Dancer (wolfdancer) wrote,
@ 2004-12-08 20:21:00

She asked me what the Face migraines felt like.

"Sort of like being gang skull fucked with a cattle prod, but with less potential for personal enjoyment."

She sort of spewed her fried rice in a classic but still amusing way.
  • Current Music
adam blue

(no subject)

in mock_the_stupid, druiaen writes:

My friends and I were at a cheap, all-you-can-eat sushi place the other day. On the way out, we stopped to check out the big handwritten sign. The special of the day, proudly written in big, bold, red letters?


dennisthetiger then brilliantly comments:

If the BBQ libs are mad, I might just (verb) down to (a place) and check them out. I'm certain they're quite (adjective).

I mean, (exclamation)!
  • Current Mood
    silly *dead from the funny*
Yuuko - Evil Laugh

God I love my family

From the Journal of my sister, fallenangelfish

Oh, and here's an idea of what my family can be like:

In our neighborhood Christmas decorations are up, and one house has this weird inflatable big polar bear that is wearing a purple sweater with snowflakes on it. It confuses me greatly. I'm riding home from the barn with dad and we get to talking about it.

Me: You know, you would think a polar bear wouldn't need a sweater. They're pretty furry right?

Dad: Yeah, I would think a better investment would be lifejackets.

Me: o_o?

Dad: You know, global warming and all. They'd be a little easier to get on than sweaters too I would think.

Me: Either way I wouldn't expect too many volunteers for it, even if polar bears are way neat...
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