November 24th, 2004

Wow Neat

(no subject)

Best FF That Shows Us That Captain Jack Sparrow Has Many Lessons to Teach Us, and Every Last One of Them Is Illegal in at Least Nine States.  But, Hey, Don't Let That Stand in Your Way. First Warning, by Rave, aka dorkorific -- Pirates of the Caribbean, Jack Sparrow/Will Turner.  So, if the last story taught us to be careful what we drink in the company of aliens, this story teaches us to be careful what we drink in the company of Captain Jack Sparrow.  Though, really, if you needed to be taught that, you should probably have another look at the movie.  Here, Jack proves to be, surprisingly, a gentleman.  Of course, he's a gentleman who isn't above copping a cheap feel, but then most of them aren't.  And Will proves to be, not at all surprisingly, adept at convenient unconsciousness.  I bet that got him out of any number of uncomfortable situations growing up.  And in addition to the lovely trope of drunken Will and entertained Jack, this story offers us bonus sea shanties! Sort of.  Sea shanties sung the way I sing them, actually, which means with only 10% of the words accurate and in the right place.  (I'm still convinced there's a song about "Camptown ladies five miles long" and "Camptown rangers" and "something something bay.")

-- thefourthvine (note: I delinked the story to avoid playing favorites, you can get all of her recs from this entry here)
Rebellious Oak

The eminently readable misia on cooking

Poached salmon is sitting in a hot tub, thinking about maybe going and getting a massage later, getting out when you're ready. Poached salmon is smoking a joint in your living room with a friend. Scrambled eggs are flying a fighter jet, where split seconds make all the difference and you have to know exactly what things are supposed to look like and feel like if you don't want to crash and burn. Scrambled eggs are doing a line of coke on the dance floor at the Policeman's Ball.

The whole post is worth a read. Cooking is one of those very basic survival-level skills that we should all have.
  • Current Music
    Arlo Guthrie: Alice's Restaurant
lemur from sylvercatt

(no subject)

In a locked post in childfree, nobaybees shares a snippet from a letter sent to him/her:

"Dear self centered "child free" asshole.


I am sorry as well, sorry for you, in fact I flat out pity you. I pity
you because you will never know the amazing rewarding love of having a
child. a love so over powering that it can bring grown men there
knee's, a love beyond that for a spouse, parent, sibling....yes even a
love greater then the love you have for your cat."

To which sdragon responds: Forget "love gives you wings" . . . "Love gives you Knees! Real, Manly Knees! With Ligaments of Selflessness!"
are you looking at my headgear?

(no subject)

I was telling the story about how my husband farted on me in his sleep to which I got this gem care of evielust:

"Farting on somebody is one of the most intimate ways you can show them you love them. After all, it is not everybody we fart on. It is only our one special fart catcher. Love is good."

I found this most amusing.

for the thread
Knitting Love

Meta-Metaquote! Huzzah!

vaspider tells us why both sides can be irritating here...

It's as annoying to me as people who insist that bisexuals are just people on the fence, or that gay people can be cured.

OMG YOU MUST BE TEH GAY!!! YOU ARE IN OR OUT!!!!

OMG I CAN CURE YOU OF TEH GAY!!! JESUS LOVES YOU!!!

OMG YOU MUST LOVE TEH CHILDRENS!!!!!!111 PLEASE WITNESS MY MANY PIKTURES AND AMUSING STORIES INVOLVING POOP!!!!!

OMG BRREEEEEEEEDEEEEEEEERRRRR!!!! OMG YOUR CHILDREN'S PRESENCE BURNS MY EYYYYYES!!!!! I WAS NEVER A CHILD AND CHILDREN ARE OF SAAAAAAAAATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Pretty much the same kind of pointless posturing, when you get right down to it, and it changes about as much.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
kick

(no subject)

From the lovely extatika:

"Kittens are cute. Not only are kittens cute, kittens are as cute as it is possible to percieve. No cute can be percieved beyond kitten. Just as no light can emerge from the event horizon of a black hole, kitten is the event horizon of cute, beyond which there may be a cuteness singularity, but such a singularity would be supercute and the force of AAWWHH! it exerted would be so powerful that nothing could escape it, not even light."

The rest of the entry is here.
  • Current Music
    Skyclad- On with their heads
Diva (By Foxglove_Icons)

META: A quick reminder of the rules

Please do not knowingly quote things that have been pasted into LJ from other sources! Not saying they can't be funny or interesting, but this is simply the wrong community for that. I feel there are already plenty of other places one can find repositories of e-mail forwards, famous quotes, and other such Internet glurge. Hell, it's probably called "your e-mail box." ;) Metaquotes is for showcasing the wit and weirdness of the LJ community, so to speak...not furthering the cut-and-paste spread of memes. I think that makes us unique and hopefully guarantees that we won't simply see the same tired "forward du jour" over and over again. Thanks! :)

...yes yes, this is officially the worst metaquote of the day.
  • Current Mood
    dorky

(no subject)

"God damn it. All those piercings, the tattoo, the black clothing, the rock music, and all I really had to do to be a rebel was not get knocked up. Someone could've told me this beforehand."

-- frightened, here.

Because not having kids is the greatest rebellion against God. Not, y'know, joining league with Satan or something minor like that.
hp the artist who must not be named

(no subject)

In a reply to an entry of mine in which I proclaimed America/Canada/England to be the OT3, lonesomeoctober wrote a bit of it:

"I am NOT in the mood for this, Canada," America snapped absently as it glared at Iraq.

"No?" Canada asked, rolling a joint.

"I'm much too busy."

"You're always busy. Lighten up."

"How?"

Canada shifted tectonic plates enticingly. "I have a few ideas."


comment here
entry here
  • Current Music
    bigmouth strikes again
po3 doll//calm

(no subject)

From a comment in customers_suck by stephe:

"I had a toy tea set when I was a little boy, which I loved very much and played with often. And as my wife can surely attest, I grew up to be a screaming queer."






And checking to make sure you're in the right community is always a good thing, mmmkay?
  • Current Music
    Kirsty Hawkshaw - Just Be Me
nyah nyah!
  • kdeimos

from dajoey

On the strenuous life of the Sims:
"I bought the cheapest house on the block. Of course the first things I bought were an alarm system and fire detecters(good thing too.. b/c the oven caught on fire with my very first meal)... I tried to hit on the fireman, but he left too quickly. My next purchase was a bed... then a wetbar... to go beside the bed, of course. my most expensive purchase in the house was the wet bar. I gotta have the essentials. I set her aspiration to be money. I opened the newspaper and looked for a job. The first one that popped up was a job as a pickpocket. I took it. After learning to cook a little, I checked out the wet bar.... much to my amusement, one of the options is "drink from the bottle"... which I do about 30 times a day.

Here is my daily routine.... I get up.. turn off the alarm.. pick my money tree, water it, drink from the bottle.. fix breakfast... drink from the bottle.. go to work.. get the mail (if there is any)... recycle the newspaper... drink from the bottle .... pee... take a bubble bath... pick my money tree.. water it... drink from the bottle.... throw a party... drink from the bottle... serve dinner... drink from the bottle... get in the hot tub with my party guests... drink from the bottle.. .go to bed... she stays happy :-)"


If only real life could be like this...
Well, I guess it can...
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

(no subject)

Found on thedarkbear's lj and used with permission.

In this post the Native American loving, sarcastic guy mocks Thanksgiving and the fact that we tend to overlook the true meaning of the holiday.

"We're traditionalists in my family. We make a really big meal and invite all of our neighbors over, especially the ones that were here when we moved in. Then once everyone is full, tired, and no longer up for running or excitement....we kill all of them and take their land. Those that escape we move to the really shitty part of the yard, but if they happen to find anything of value there, then we move them again, usually to some place shittier than the first. Sometimes we give them these really great diseased blankets that we have no use for, or we just get them drunk. We love to see them drunk. And of course, sometimes they build casinos where they don't charge tax on cigarettes and make tons of money on gambling. We don't like that though since we wish we'd thought of it first.

Lucky bastards. They get all the good stuff."