Metaquotes

I need a new butt.

Cause mine or lack thereof? Just ain't working. I'd like to look like I have a butt, kthnx.

That's it. I'm cancelling my butt and asking Santa for a new one.

~thepsychicclam, quoted with permission

From a post by windbringer1 containing quotes from one of her teachers, on why males court females...

She doesn't need you! Any female of any species who wanted to have sex could do it, TODAY. However, you need her because you have not the SLIGHTEST CLUE how to take care of yourself.


Hee hee hee, check out the whole post for further amusement from Dr. Noonan.

In response to my rant about a really sucky patron, quodlibetic had this advice to offer:

I've perfected the art of the slow blink. I find it a more appropriate response than the double-handed patron neck throttle.

From simply_sxe on college love...

I won't say I broke down in tears and kissed the ground or anything. I'm not a raging psycho.

Found in male_dom community by seekerofwisdom.

He started to laugh even harder, and said, "Let me get this straight. You trust me when I tie you up, you'll let me suspend you from the ceiling, you'll trust me with the bullwhip, but you don't trust me enough to tell me your ticklish spots?"

angevin2 and contributors have some tips for aspiring Shakespearean directors:

33. Also, I will not require Caliban to hump Stephano's leg while telling him about Miranda, no matter how big a laugh it will get.

55. I will not allow the King's ghost in Hamlet to look like a hairy popsicle.

128. Lady Macbeth doesn't start out the play insane. If she does, there's nowhere to go. It's called a character ARC!

133. 47 women in identical black wigs commuting on the train do not make good Three Witches.

161. If I must stage Macbeth in a modern setting, there is no reason to dress the Scottish nobles as Hare Krishnas, especially if I also arm them with machine guns.

165. At no time shall Romeo slap Tybalt with a fish. This is especially key during their confrontation in 3.1.

And it keeps on growing, and growing, and growing...

dawntreader90 on dealing with co-workers, f-locked but quoted with permission:

i swear. if anyone asks me any more stupid questions, the minute their head comes into view, i'm going to HIT IT WITH A ROCK!!! (my way is VERY sportsmanlike, thankyouverymuch.)

sideband, in a comment on this post about Chick tracts:

Unfortunately, alarmist drivel like this is seen alot in truckstop bathrooms, right next to the writings on the wall that say things like "Please don't throw toothpicks into the toilet. The crabs have learned how to pole-vault!"

Courtesy of elsaf, in time for Thanksgiving:


"YEE HAW!" the president was heard to exclaim. "I mean mission accomplished, um... or something. Gee, I thought there'd be something left to eat."


Full context here :)

tanacawyr, here:

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From male hymens to magical sex toys

stephe: What size batteries does a magical vibe take anyways? And is it really better than a real magical penis?

The fabulous torificus, here.

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velvetcurtain23 in this entry:

why my cousin linzee rocks

her away message:

"The Republican National Committee announced today that the Republican Party is changing its emblem from an elephant to a condom. The committee chairman explained that the condom more clearly reflects the party's stance today, because a condom accepts inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually getting fucked."

apocalypsos suggests instructions for persons interested in picking up packages:

"If you want your package, please come to your local office wearing a bunny costume with a squid on your head and sing the theme song to 'The Wuzzles'."

"To get your package, please appear on the local news naked and dancing in the Reflecting Pool while throwing little pickles at passersby."

From bcsusmc75 on the subject on the NFL and FCC:

Now, this past Monday night, the hallowed tradition of Monday Night Football was tainted all because of a 45 second promo. ABC and NFL got together to promote the game and the show "Desperate Housewives." In the promo, Nicolette Sheridan, clad in nothing but a towel, tries to seduce Terrell Owens of the Philadelphia Eagles to get him to skip the game. She takes off her towel and jumps into his arms. The only skin shown is her bare back, no tits, no ass, just her back. Oh, I'm popping wood right now just thinking about it. How racy. Give me a break. Now several people called up and complained that it was inappropriate and shouldn't have been shown because kids could see it. Have you watched an NFL game lately? Ads for Viagra, Levitra and Cialis, all drugs used to correct problems with your wood, run abundantly during NFL games. Scantily clad cheerleaders run amock. Beer ads featuring buxom blondes and TWINS!!!

I recommend his journal, which is very new, but the rants are well worth the read!

eighthevachild's boyfriend sends his love via deadly virus! Awwww...

In better, happier news, I received Ebola virus in the mail today ^.^

see the picture (and explination) here