Metaquotes

dana_may in this entry on her roommate reporting her to dorm authorities due to a friendly shoulder-biting:

"Have you biten anyone else on you hall?"
"ah..I don't know. I dont keep a 'bite list'"

"refering back to the 'bite list,' as a pregnant woman, I would honestly have a problem if you went up to me and bit me"
"well, I dont bite random people. I don't have rabies."

I randomly took an IQ test online and it said I was an "extraordinary genius." XD Right, that's why I'm an untalented college drop-out without a job. I guessed on a few of the answers, which rather defeats the purpose of taking it, I guess, but you know. I didn't even think about that when I took it. I think...I broke it. A winner is me.

--vwl, in a friendslocked entry, quoted with permission.

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Author docbrite is a touch cranky about the way some people talk about her characters:

When you make reference to the protagonists of Liquor, Prime, and the related stories, even when your statement has absolutely nothing to do with their relationship or private lives, please be sure to refer to them as "gay chefs." Because, you know, they mainly just prance around the kitchen being gay. All their food is penis-flavored. They probably couldn't even make it to work in the morning if they weren't gay. It is very very important to always refer to any non-heterosexual character as "the gay ______," since that's really all that matters about them there homos.

I read that as "it could always be detachable", and wondered what a detachable hymen was, and if Wal-Mart sold them.
- mentalhygiene, in a fanficrants post about men only having hymen in unnamed Harry Potter fanfiction.

The cat just turned on my bedside lamp.

As in she walked up to it, meowed at it, put her paws on the switch, and turned it clockwise until the lamp came on.

THEY HAVE BECOME TOOL USERS.

Hide the tuna. Run like hell.

-- bzarcher

irradiatedsoup in this post:

I know dream talk is boring, but I had another REALLY weird but GOOD dream last night, I was having a romance of sorts with Johnny Depp, but he was actually Jack Sparrow and I was Commodore James Norrington. It was really weird because I'd be me, and then I'd be watching me as James and being vaguely attracted to me. Anyway, we got married eventually and he gave me a tin ring and then something happened and we kept running away from this guy with bleached yellow hair who'd had his legs chopped off. Which kind of begs the question, why were we running away from him in the first place?

Well, I thought it was funny...

"State Department officials told CNN that Bush and Powell decided mutually that it was time for him to go."

Translation: "You won't lie for me anymore. We've no room for people with a conscience. You're fired."
"I'm sick of lying for you, asstard. You can't fire me, I quit."

-- tviokh

pat_t is discovering the joys of menopause in post:

"And if you think my cravings aren't serious, let me tell you...you've never seen a 48 year old female driving down Hwy 78 at 85 miles an hour with a bowl of french onion dip balanced between her thighs. I made it halfway through the bag before getting home. Even though it did come close that one time when the 18 wheeler pulled out in front of me. Luckily for him, I had a potato chip in my mouth, or he would have heard exactly what I thought when I passed him. I was darn right proud of myself too as I completely missed hitting him and *still* managed to grip the dip between my legs and hold on. Didn't waste a drop. Luckily I'm good holding onto things between my legs. And get your minds out of the gutter."

From sharonstrokes

Dear God,

I'm sorry I made that joke about soaking in babies' blood to retain my youth. And about getting the babies from hospitals. But that's all it was, God. A JOKE. I mean Jes-- I mean Jeepers Creepers, God. Gimme a fuc- friggin' break here. I'll try to be good. Stop trying to kill me now because it never works anyway.

Thanks,

Sharon

To see God's reply, and the truth about Sharon's father, go here (you won't regret it)

In a discussion in library_grrls over whether to call library users 'patrons' or 'customers'.

"Sometimes I call them morons, but never out loud."

-demoncatch in this comment.

derryderrydown: I'm watching Hellboy and I was getting these 'I know Hellboy's voice' feelings. And I've just twigged that he voices Slade in Toon Titans.

harriet_spy: Ron Perlman. Is there nothing he can't do?

impactbomb: Not that I'm aware of. I'd be willing to bet he's a great cook and a dashing sex slave too, at this point. Ron Perlman. Because anything else is...well, I can't remember the catchphrase at the moment, so they'll just have to settle for not being Ron Perlman.

Very amusing, from http://www.livejournal.com/users/hija_paloma/

Turns out? My reaction to Death, Woe, Misery, and Despair? Immerse myself in porn (mine and others'), stay up all damn night, drink, sleep, lather, rinse, repeat.

But I shall prevail! I am indomitable! Like the noble chicken, which ceases not its labors even after fate's cruel axe has severed its head, I shall continue to run frantically in circles, clucking mightily, yea verily.

Thanks ursulav. I needed that.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ursulav/254817.html?view=5205089#t5205089

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thanks, medievaloracle!

well *I* thought it was funny

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Hugh Laurie's new medical drama (with interspersed comedic bits) is awesome, and that's just going off one episode.  gutlesswonder sums up the whole show fairly accurately on hughlaurie:

SEXY DOCTOR #1: But Dr House, that's downright reckless!
DR HOUSE: Sass sass, sassy sass SASS! [waves cane]
SEXY DOCTOR #2: Damn it! He's right!
[insert general murmuring here]

jennyanydots21 has some domestic problems...

In other news, the cat peed in our toaster. Adam (as he is wont to do on such occasions) told me ours was the most disgusting house he'd ever been in. I told him to shut up and eat his toast.

On a side note, I wrote a paper conclusively proving that "The Purple People Eater" was a song about repressed homosexuality. It's amazing how far a dirty mind and complete ignorance can take you in college. :-)

--thetathx1138, commenting on this strip.