November 12th, 2004

(no subject)

Was looking through listings for state jobs just now, and came across this gem in a posting looking for a secretary:


I wonder if I should send them my resumé, all typed out and neatly formatted, with a little line of 8-point text at the bottom that says, "And by the way, you misspelled "grammar" in the job posting."

- roseneko

  • gibbous

When you have to go ...

wordwide posting in deleterius:

She then carefully placed the bear on top of her favorite pillow and shit it again. WHAT? She what? on it?

“Done,” She said brushing herself off as if she had been all dirty, I would too if I had just shit on my teddy bear.

Some typos cannot be forgiven. Ever.
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Wow Neat

(no subject)

I believe that the line "The Customer is always right" is taken like the Second Amendment to the Constitution, and everyone forgets the second part, which says "As long as you don't act like an asshole."

-- sharnjilraedan (who also has THE coolest damn default icon) in customers_suck

Six days with a break on the seventh... That's the problem with doing it as an independent contractor. [God] should have made the Universe hire him full-time and then unionized.

Alpha-Omega Local 01:
Article VII
Sec. 55: The Universe will exercise its efforts in good faith, subject to the requirements of efficient operations, to the end that Creator will be scheduled on a basis of a normal work week of forty (40) hours within the work week period during which there are two (2) consecutive days of rest.

-- krimon, from here
PR || Cosmos

The quotable Wil Wheaton.

A friend of mine called me yesterday, worried, because I haven't updated my blog in almost a week.

"Well, I'm glad you waited a whole week to call me," I said, "because if I were dead, I'd be getting pretty stinky right now."

"That makes no sense at all," he said.

"I don't have to make sense!"I said, "I'm beautiful, Lois!"

"Well, you're still able to quote Family Guy," he said, "so I'm going to assume you're just busy."

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Ms. Michonne

(no subject)

A quote in reference to THIS entry in mock_the_stupid about how an ambulance team put a dead body back into his house after he died on the way over

"They showed a little class, albeit by breaking into the house to leave the corpse. I mean, they could have just rolled him onto the front lawn and sped away..."

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red nouveau

From deckards_sixth, with permission:

And now, a little bit of perspective:

"Picture me sitting on the dining room rug at 3:00 in the morning. The only light on is the one above the stove. This tiny kitten is sitting on my lap, on a towel, next to a small bowl that's holding a single spoonful of food. We're working through that spoonful one bite at a time with a mini-syringe. He doesn't feel good. He won't eat on his own. He wants to sit on my lap. He wants me to feed it to him, because he's hungry, but he doesn't have any energy.

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Richard Hunt: My fandom mugs with puppet

Here's your sign...

From a post by digital_monk on mock_the_stupid:

A few kids had just knocked up on the neighbor's door and seeing me and my friends out the porch with cigarettes and beers in some hands, decided to bypass us.

One of the group's cell phone rang one of the horribly cliche' classical music pieces.

Girl: Hey, your phone's ringing.
Me: Really? I thought the Boston Pops dropped by just to play a MIDI file!

Entire post may be located here
light side

What's In a Name?

"And it is an interesting conversation starter or ice breaker. Especially with cute women. "Hi, I'm MegaZone." "MegaZone?" "Yes, that's really my name." "No way." "Sure - want to see my license?" "Wow! How'd you get a name like MegaZone?" Etc. ;-)"
--Uttered by zonereyrie right about here (public posting.)

(And yes, his name really, truly, legally is MegaZone.)
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Hufflepuff (By Foxglove_Icons)

Just a couple more

(I know, I know. It's Friday, I'm bored. I'll probably be silent all weekend, don't worry. ;)

See, the thing is, every bad guy needs his good guy. What's Joker without Batman? What's Ahab without Moby Dick? What's Angelus without, um, Angel? What's Sauron without -- well, Frodo, I guess, or Aragorn, or maybe all Nine Walkers? (OK, so the answers are, in order: laughing every minute, sane and fully limbed, guilt-free and full of job satisfaction, and the vicious ruler of all Middle-Earth ha ha ha ha, but you take my point.)

-- thefourthvine

But this story teaches us an important lesson, namely: even if you are going the teenager route with the jealousy, don't hit someone who's made of metal, 'cause that way lies pain. Embarrassing pain.

-- thefourthvine (referring to an X-Men fanfic)

And can't...resist...metameta...

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Secret master librarians
  • deza

(no subject)

sanachan1 writes:
She got up and stalked away, stiff with offended dignity, her head stuck through one of the leg holes, and the rest of the fabric flowing behind her like a pink and white flowered super hero's cape. Panty Cat: Defender of Underclothes!

Entire entry here.

get out the gay

thus spake athena426:

okay, so here is my plan to fix america. and i am entirely serious. i think some variant of this plan needs to be enacted, but preferably one that sounds a little less like a reality tv show called "homos in the heartland."*

here's what's true: middle america hates gay people. here's what else is true: middle america has never met us, or doesn't know that it has. i think there are only two options here:

1. everyone in the whole world who has ever had an inkling of attraction for the same sex needs to shout it from the rooftops.

or, barring that, because gay people in south carolina will fear for their lives...

2. we need to take san francisco and plunk it down in iowa.

i am so fucking serious. if gay people in the so-called heartland are firmly in the closet (and understandably so), then i think the rest of us have an obligation to go there and befriend people and change their minds. i mean, i can be a little bitchy at times, but i don't think anyone who's actually met me would call me more of a threat to america than poverty and terrorism.

so let's go dyke up the red states, people. who's with me?

* my cousin thinks this would be a brilliant idea for a show and that i should patent it before fox comes along and takes it from me. anyone know how?
  • libram


conuly writes:

Lizziey? Fran called.

She wants to know "What does 4:30 mean to you?"

Go pick up your kid.


A random e-mail from my boss this morning (I work in tech support)

I have a horrible hacking cough; every time I clear my throat, I break into another computer system.

when vaseline and hair dye just aren't enough...

in this comment ronwe says the following

"So after about ten minutes of adding and removing things to my basket with thoughts along the lines of "Great, now I'm buying Vaseline and [insert object here], I get in line. Start having a nice "normal" conversation with the cashier as I put items on the conveyer belt thingy. She rings in the Vaseline, and I get a weird look. She rings in the condoms, and I get a weird look and her voice starts to trail off. She rings in the cucumber, and she doesn't look me in the face or say another word to me."

it's priceless..


  • thm

The battle continues...

thessalian On her efforts to complete the NaNoWriMo challenge:

It's like herding cats! Stoned cats! I try to think of plot and the stupid fucking characters stampede over it and...

I have asked her whether her story actually contains inebriated felines. I am survived by...
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me - with gun
  • shinga

This Movie Is Going To Suck ;)

Why don't they have a title card in that trailer that tells the truth? "This movie has Jennifer Garner in leather for two hours and it's not a two-part Alias episode featuring Sydney Bristow masquerading as a dominatrix that keeps getting interrupting by annoying Geico commercials. Plus, it has Goran Visnjic and you don't have to watch lame ER episodes to get him." See? How hard was that?

-- apocalypsos, on the trailer for "Elektra"