November 11th, 2004

phoenix ezzicons/xiggy
  • conuly

(no subject)

This comes courtesy of </a></b></a>shinga from a comment on this entry in </a></b></a>pottersues.

POMFREY: Go back to your dorm, freak. And don't mind the sex change, dear, it's completely normal.

HARRY: Okay!

NEXT MORNING: Hello.

HARRY'S CHEST: OH MY GOD I'VE GAINED WEIGHT.

HARRY'S PENIS: I'm gone, and the boy doesn’t even NOTICE. COME ON, Harry! I know I haven't been the greatest, but we've had some good times, haven't we?

HARRY: *yawn* *shower* *yawn* *totally doesn't even notice self* *yawn**scrub wash OH MY GOD TITS* *REALLY LOUD GIRLY SCREAM!*

CASTLE: My GOD, man, what the hell is your problem! I was SLEEPING here!

BOYS: *run in* OH MY GOD TITS. *anime style nose bleed*

READERS: *sporking style eyes bleed*


The entire comment is funny, go read.
Message

(no subject)

Subject: Pissed Off Jews

Yasser Arafat died yesterday in a Paris hospital. You just know that somewhere in Israel, there is a circle of pissed off Mossad agents sitting around, shaking their heads and saying "Forty years we've been after that guy! Forty years and all is took was the fucking French health care system!"

-- dexfarkin
asap
  • ysabel

Two bits

amaltheae says over here:
Sects have risen and fallen or sometimes survived their egotistical assumptions over and over again. One after another someone predicts that Armageddon is secretly coded into the bible and is going to happen in their life time. Of course, time and again, they have been just plain wrong. Either that or like the fear demon from Buffy, no one read the fine print under Armageddon that said "actual size" and there was one guy in South Dakota who went bye-bye while none of us were paying attention.
...
Really, the biggest problem with the Bible is that the FDA is falling down on its job. As the opiate of the masses, the good book falls well within their purview, but they have done nothing to slap a “best if used by date” on some important sections therein. It would solve so very many pesky deluded false prophets and the issues with the wing nut currently in charge of the white house. Let’s just rip the rug right out from under them folks and clear up the whole mess. Yes, boys and girls, you left that one on the shelf too long and it spoiled. There are lots of other goodies to be had, but your good milk of revelations has curdled and it’s time to stop being pompous self important idiots and move on.


And nilesta says over here:
It's a scary place, there, in the presence of Kathy Healy and her vengeful, jealous, petty God. I have to sneak in when he isn't looking, trying my best not to look like I had kids out of wedlock, least I burst into flame the second her holy sight falls upon me, pinned there in the corridor like a bug who once hitchhiked down the mountain from Bear Creek carrying enough hash in her bra to ensure she would never want for prison guards to bend her over a dirty toilet and violate her with a billy club. Not that I know any bugs who would admit to that, you understand. Even less bugs that would admit a hint of ironic heat at the idea of being violated with a billy club.

Her headphones weren't playing through both side, only one. So I pushed the cord into the socket until there was a second click and put on the earphones to be greeted with a mortally wounded cow crooning about going home to cow heaven where no one eats beef. Jesus loves you, little cow, now close your eyes and get in the shredder, my taco is waiting.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
animals :: lol polar bear
  • lync

Braaaiiiins

allyecatfish hopes there aren't zombies waiting for her here.

I actually froze, not wanting to turn around, just in case there's a remarkably quiet zombie standing over my bed, waiting for me to turn around so he can eat my face.
  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful

(no subject)

punkrawkpyro is on a mission from God...

I have been having the hardest time finding yougurt lately. I like Colombo yogurt, yanno, that original "fruit on the bottom" stuff. Yet, no one seems to carry it, or they only have one or two of them. Keee-rist people, I'm looking for strawberry-bannana, not the Holy fuckin' Grail.
  • Current Mood
    giggly giggly
Marcia // Chaotic Redhead
  • kajivar

(no subject)

On the questionable sexuality of hobbits:
Please. In Return of the King, the scene where they're all jumping on the bed and you SWEAR Gimli is going to jump in with them? SO GAY. There is nothing wrong with it. There's a lot of love there! Let them be their happy little gay hobbits-ey selves! The elf loves the dwarf, and the hobbits all love each other! It's no big deal! Seriously, I'm not even a SLASHER and I think they're gay! There's a big neon gaydar sign blinking off and on right above all of their heads reading 'Hi there! We're hobbits and we're gay! Call this number and ask us how!' THEY'RE THAT GAY!
-- sache in a locked post, quoted with permission
Hairspray is b_^_^_d
  • miggy

(no subject)

bubosquared, regarding strangers who paw at pregnant women's stomachs, often without bothering to gain permission:

Sometimes, I wish I could get a job as a one-woman Beatdown Squad for asshats like that. Okay, so I just want to get paid for hitting people with sticks, but still.

Gentlemen, beware of printers!

From deliciouspear

"So today my friend ramdonomo's co-worker got a pen stuck in the printer while trying to de-lodge a paper-jam.

They were late for a meting so ramdonomo yelled "Just put a note on it and GO!"

After the meeting she came back to find the repair guy rolling on the floor with laughter at the note.

To see why, click here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/deliciouspear/256415.html"

(Sorry, can't post the picture. I'm at work and I can't transfer the image to a website right now due to technical trouble.)
Funky

The truth about haggis in Scotland

Haggis-eating isn't nearly as common as people think; most Scottish families only eat haggis two or three times a week, and a growing minority don't even steal their own sheep. However, haggis rivalry is still a pretty big deal in rural areas, and the police tend to turn a blind eye to haggis blood feuds between the clans. For example, there's a traditional rite of passage whereby one will kill a man just to see him die, then pass it off as a haggis-related incident to fool the police. (In the cities, this quaint custom has been somewhat bastardised in recent years—it's now more common to kill a man for his Reeboks, then pass it off as an argument about football.)

- huskyscotsman's response to the question, "Is haggis-eating as common as the rest of the world believes? Do families closely guard their haggis recipes from one another?"
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  • Current Music
    "Ethereal" by Amethystium
Teen Wolf - Trauma!Stiles

(no subject)

surreality responds to a complaining post regarding parents and the Playboy channel at bad_sex...

"I also would have missed that special Easter Sunday while my mother was in the kitchen preparing salad, and my father was in the living room watching some strip-a-thon, and my mother was chopping carrots oh so deliberately and forcefully while muttering, "Porn on Easter Sunday! Christ died for our sins, but he's obviously gonna have to die a few more times to keep up with you, Ray!" under her breath. Porn is absolutely hilarious."

I had to go into the bathroom after I read that, I was giggling so bad.
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    amused amused
agent may is unimpressed

On non-scary things

Does anyone else find that commercial for "The Grudge" when the little grey-toned boy opens his mouth and howls like a cat utterly hilarious rather than disturbing?

Scary just isn't anymore.

Fun idea: try imagining other sounds coming out of his mouth.

Mine include:

Doorbell (ding-dong style)
Trumpet blare
Foghorn
Opera singing (female)
Agitated baboon noises


--neosquirrel

Add to his list, why don't you?
asleep

Seaweed jello roasted vegetables...

From a locked post by gwylliongirl, with permission:


Today was beautiful and rainy. Church was fine except for the interpretive dance number they threw in, where I buried myself into the bulletin. I don't do well with performance arts partially because I would rather eat my mom's seaweed jello roasted vegetables than perform in any way for any person. And because its just really lame sometimes. Middle-aged women shouldn't be frolicking about on stage to Amazing Grace. *blinks* They just shouldn't.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

XD

From yura's latest post:

</i>Anyway, completely and totally forgot to write about the dream I had last night.

The first thing you must know is that a lot of my dreams take the form of a (rather twisted) movie or TV show, complete with actors, commercial breaks, and ending credits. This one was no different.

It was this anime show starring a teenage guy and girl who were desperately in love. Her family was cool with it, but his parents were evil and would do anything to keep the two apart.

So, one day the guy brings the girl over for dinner, hoping to persuade his parents that she wasn't going to ruin his life.

His mom, ever the bitch, insists that the girl 'help' with dinner. In the end, the girl ends up making the whole thing. Then over the the meal she tries to make pleasant chit-chat, only to be insulted by his parents again and again.

It goes on like this for a while, and then it gets kind of fuzzy. Somehow the girl manages to prove her worth to his parents, and they accept the girl and the relationship.

The movie or whatever is winding down now. The girl invites the boy over to her house for dinner, where her family is waiting eagerly to meet him. They approach the house, hand in hand. The credits begin to roll. Aww... a happy ending.

Then a tiger explodes out of a second story window and mauls the boy to death.

The End.

...I love my dreams.</i>
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    giddy giddy
dear me
  • mhari

I've been there...

Contrary to yesterday, when it was just my high levels of hormones influencing my perception of their behavior, today people really ARE being unnecessarily bitchy.

--txtfiles is having one of those days. Locked, permission.