October 28th, 2004

Squee!

This is the glory that is the mind of kevinm126:

The Red Sox have won the World Series, and if Bush wins re-election we're all fucked. Seriously. There has to be something in Revelations that mentions a curse being broken and a retard ascending the throne.

Wait, I found it.

"And lo, the socks flowed red with victory; and David Ortiz ate an entire pizza by himself. And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts, and behold, a pale horse, and he who sat upon him was named Death. And Hell followed with him."






If anybody has problems with the swears, give me a heads-up and I'll lj-cut it.
  • Current Mood
    cheerful cheerful
Knitting Love

(no subject)

klawzie tells us of one of the dangers of stress in this post.

And to illustrate the wear and tear this is taking on my mind: a conversation I was having with myself when Chris suggested I drink some milk to make my tummy settle down. I explained that sometimes milk and my tummy don't get along. And then I was going to continue with that thought to explain....

[Mind] ::composing:: "I don't think that it's that my tummy is dyslexic or anything, bu-"
[Internal editor] ... "Dyslexic"?
[Mind] ... "doesn't process milk well"?
[Internal editor] ... do you mean "lactose intolerant?"
[Funny bone] Hey now, you know we're very tolerant of milk of all colors!
  • Current Music
    Jennifer Saunders - Holding Out For a Hero
  • magums

munchies gone bad

From ravenhart's thoughts on office treats

"Someone evil has been in this building. They left a box of fresh donuts in the kitchen, drizzled thickly with sickeningly sweet glaze and covered with black and orange sugar laden sprinkles. Don't they know how bad all that is for you? All the carbs, and useless calories, and sugar? Don't they realize how muth they thtick in my teef?


bathtards.
River//Bible fixing blend

(no subject)

spike_phoenix is the reason metaquotes came about. Or at least one of them. Goodness I love this girl.

John Kerry: *conducts air traffic*
George W: *squints*
me: *begs for the second coming of Jesus to come before 2 november*
  • Current Music
    I just woke the puppy up. Oops.
walk this way

quoth the raven, "Nevermore!"

From an entry by raindroproses:

As Satan dealt with the complete breakdown of his corporation, HELL, Inc., he was also presented with a civil suit for breach of contract. George Steinbrenner, owner of the New York Yankees, claimed that the contract he signed with HELL provided for both continued Yankees wins over the Red Sox, as well as confirming the loss of the Red Sox in any World Series for one hundred years. Satan's lawyers responded, saying, "Mr. Steinbrenner's contract was signed in pig's blood, which invalidates any and all--you're saying that it is his blood? Oh. Um... oops?"
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Dustpan

It's good to have fun with your family...

...but not to torture them:

There was a call from a bill collector at about 10am something, we (her and her Mutti) both picked up the phone at the same time, but I decided to wait and listen.

The lady had a southern accent and when she played the number message for my mom, I disguised my voice saying "ma'am? ma'am?....hello?"

Mutti kept tryin to respond during the message, so when it quit i said "ma'am? you still there?"

Mutti said "yes? I'm still here."

I said "Good! Cause I'm hungry!"

I could hear my mom move the phone away from her ear saying "what the?"

-- From a locked post by amnesiac157, grammar edited. It amused me, at least.
moony rolling eyes

(no subject)

*curses LJ lag*

*waves timidly*

This is funnier :)


I think I should be in charge of picking Olympic sports. The Biathalon for example, as weird as it is, I see the whole physical prowress thing they have supporting it. Ski cross-country X amount of miles, get your heart good and pumpin, then come to a sudden stop and make yourself shoot at an itty bitty target. Surely making cross country trails, the equipment, or ammunition is a costly venture? Let's just give em a stair master or a tread mill. Let them work themselves out on that for, Oh I don't know, 30 minutes or so, and then let them loose on a target. Better yet...Duck Hunt. That is the ultimate sport there. Work yourself tired on an elleptical glide and hop off only to have a duck hunt gun forced in your hand. Worst part is the public embarassament if you miss. That dog's laughter is enough to haunt you in your sleep.
-keyweelimemime

food for puns, what?

so i saw a post on my f-list about a porn shop in new jersey that is giving away free dvds if you bring in canned food items 13 oz. or larger. about which ottercat remarks in his lj:

It supports a good cause, and you get something from it. Ok, so you can't pick the DVD, but, as the old phrase goes: Don't look gift whores in the mouth

the post is here.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

I love Seidoo's humor!

seidoo_ryuu offers a disclaimer before a post about Mary Sues:

...However, seeing as no one actually reads the disclaimer, I can pretty much type any fool thing I want and get away with it. Therefore, the namby flifto zinger ploo is wildly out of proportion with the bleebler slyfto meter. Now with extra runfloof voozer splazz! I hope you're paying attention to this, as there will be a pop quiz after the ramble. Don't act like you think I'm not serious. Grooty mumber quiffle plorf, and so on. Whoa, cool--purple zebras!! In conclusion, when one is calibrating the hygronomic chicken exfoliant cube, one must be extra cautious in making sure that you don't overload the nubbly kimble meter. It's very sensitive to such things. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

(no subject)

valerie_z comments on the idea that interns need to work 30 hour shifts to better follow the progress of an illness:

If someone's slicing into my flesh while I'm unconscious, I want that person to have had nine hours of undisturbed sleep, a big healthy breakfast, and to have recently received oral sex. I want that doctor to be the happiest person in the world.

To which fox1013 comments: Best. Internship. Opportunity. EVER
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Neonchaos

I love Molly Ivins better than pie!

From today's column (is IS syndicated to LJ as mollyivins):

"Without fear of contradiction, I can say that George W. Bush has turned out to be a divider, not a uniter, for the past four years. Sheesh, if we get any madder at each other there will be fisticuffs, brethren, I say fisticuffs.

Liberals, normally gentle as little kittens -- usually you can go right up to 'em and touch their soft, curly fur, they don't mind a bit -- are in an alarming state of righteous anger. This time, they devoutly believe, jackbooted fascism is just around the corner. Not only do they think the Bill of Rights is being quietly dismantled, they are sentient enough to notice that our reputation around the world has gone from the instant support of Sept. 11 to disgust and fear.

Meanwhile, many evangelical Christians are convinced gay marriage is upon us and will be the end of civilization. How they convinced themselves George W. Bush is the Lord's anointed is beyond me. I've known him since high school and watched him closely as a public official for 10 years, and I have yet to see the first sign of it."
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Glamour Model

If only it weren't so true...

Background for non-Alaskans: Lisa Murkowski, who is currently serving as a senator for Alaska, only has the seat because she was appointed by her father, Frank Murkowski. This, obviously, has caused a lot of outcry, as she was never officially elected. In any case, she is now trying to get officially elected to the Senate, and her ads have infiltrated into my Hotmail inbox. To which </a></b></a>eventhewaves replies,

There's a second question you should probably ask, too -- why do you need a special message from Rudy Giuliani convincing you to vote for a senator that's only currently serving because of unchallenged neoptism? ("OMG MY ELECTED OFFICIAL IZ PASTEDE ON YAY!!!!!")
  • Current Music
    Enter the Haggis - Aerials
Music - Tyson

(no subject)

Quoted from scaryveinybb, from a locked post, with permission:




In other news, I woke up this morning and the first thought in my head was:

"Cynthia is a short-minded black woman."

What the hell does that mean? Who is Cynthia? Why am I thinking about her? I don't think short-minded is even a word.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
twilight

(no subject)

primeoffense on Babe Ruth's Sox curse:

Yeah... that's about as much a curse as being a fucking vampire. Yeah, you live forever, you have super power... you drink blood (turning chicks on in the process)... but umm... yeah, you can't go out in the sun. FUCK THE SUN! You dig?
NO PHOTO AVAILABLE

(no subject)

In this comment thread, on the Red Sox victory:

But I saw it, and it was awesome, and I love that they *finally* won. The Red Sox are the Seth Cohen to the Yankees' Luke. Um. Somehow. I guess the Red Sox are really the Ryan to the Yankees' Luke, because the World Series victory would be Marissa. Because Ryan and Luke battled for Marissa, but Ryan "won" in the end. But then I guess the Cardinals...OH! The Cardinals, they're OLIVER. And the Red Sox, the Ryan, they fought OLIVER, the Cardinals, and they BEAT them, like Ryan beat Oliver at Harbor!! See??

*cough* Wow. Um. Okay. I think...I might have an OC addiction problem. Um. Yeah.


-- beingothrwrldly
  • Current Music
    "Scoff" - Nirvana

(no subject)


Anyway, all this stuff that needs to get down before tomorrow, and I am here, sitting in front of the computer, thinking, "Gee, I wonder what I should do between now and CSI?"

Clearly, the answer is "making panicy journal entries and put on a hat."

Because that's what I've done. Whoops.


- pocky_slash
  • Current Music
    heroin is so passe - the dandy warhols
Bitchcakes

(no subject)

The ever-illustrious baronmind in a comment to this entry in his own journal.

I love cyberworld debates, because it's so much easier to check facts and include references in the discussion. I want an internet link-up in my head, so I can have these advantages in real-life discussions, too.

However, I think the pop-ups could prove dangerous while I'm driving.
iwarp

(no subject)

That seems to be the major problem with NotDead fics; bringing people back to have sex. Which I'm sure the dead people wouldn't mind, but it's not really very logical. There'd be a lot of dead people roaming the world if they could do that just because they wanted to get it on.

From a post on fanficrants. Note: The post itself is under cut tags for spoilers for Harry Potter, Trigun and Cowboy Bebop character deaths.

First post here, be gentle.:-)
britta guns - shelightsupwell

avelena reads up on the Middle Ages...

"The Middle Ages were so fucked up.I'm reading some of their laws and they've got a category for the stealing of women. If you steal a woman you pay 60 shillings, and the way they word it it sounds like a normal occurance:

"4. But those who commit rape shall be compelled to pay 2500 denars, which make 63 shillings.

5. But if they have carried off that girl from behind lock and key, or from the spinning room, they shall be sentenced to the above price and penalty."

That's right, if you find your woman or girl is missing please call your local police and we will try and find them as soon as possible. Please do not panic sir, we're sure it's just Bill from down the street again, in fact, I'm sure if you look out you're window you'll see him and his buddies tying her to the tree again. Yes, I'll hold...See, I told you, would you like to press any charges? Alright then sir, I'm sure we'll be having a talk with Bill soon anyway, and if he presses any violence charges against you we'll be sure to drop them."

avelena
  • Current Music
    You Will Be My Ain True Love - Allison Krauss
Can&#39;t touch this

Chemistry gets more interesting...

gotstrings88 and her friend had an interesting time answering some questions in Chemistry class the other day:

Question: What does the above (facts about petroleum) have to do with The Gulf War in the early 90's and the war going on in the Middle East today?
Answer: Well, plainly the issue here is human greed. If we cared more for the baby seals and the sad-eyed seabirds than for our own secret black desires to posess more and more oil, we would not have gone to war. In addition, oil is the cause of all war in history. Napolean's conquest into Russia and now Germany was obviously to get their last oil reserves. Alexander the Great and Charles the V held their ground against the Turks because they wanted Turkish oil. As we can see, history is a tale of greed and duplicity and we should all move to Canada, heaven on earth.
  • Current Music
    Mendelssohn's Sinfonia IX
twitter icon, here be my ravatar, smoking gnome

(no subject)

onceupon, here:

So, yesterday at lunch, somehow the topic of pork rinds came up.

Blech.

But then it occurred to me.... Pork rinds are nothing but puffed pig skin. That makes them a little like puffed rice. That makes them a little like Rice Krispies!

Snap, Crackle, Oink!

The Pig Krispies jokes continued throughout the day.