Metaquotes

From violetsocks

During my commute, Josh, the Coors, and I were singing about life in Italian when, out of nowhere, a squirrel suddenly decided that *my* car was by far the most wonderful vehicle on the road. In order to pay homage to it’s exquisite shininess, Squirrel felt it was very necessary to offer itself as a blood sacrifice to its Sparkly Highness. I had no time to stop, or even to react, while I watched wide eyed as the Squirrel converted to the Tao of Roadkill and dashed under my car. I heard a momentary bump and tried to slow down, but I was over and away before I could do anything. I looked in my rearview mirror, and saw that Squirrel had, in fact, proved itself to be the Son of God. I expect that he is now preaching the Ten Commandments of Survival to his disciples, or at least feeding 5000 with only a few Nuts and perhaps some Garbage.

grail76:


http://electoral-vote.com/

If you look at it today, it has: Electoral Vote Predictor 2004: Kerry 257 Bush 247
with 270 needed to win.
there are 2 states in a flat tie.
Florida with 27 votes and Iowa with 7.
Iowa can go either way, it doesn't matter.
Meaning that once again, the vote will be decided by.... (drum roll)

Florida

(shit)

"Why is NASCAR even on at night anyways? Isn't that on in the daytime on Sundays for heathens who don't go to Church?"
- verymad_affair realizing NBC was pre-empting SNL this past Saturday

Subject: *grunt*

must....propogate...genes...must...make...lil'uns

-adudeabides
(full thing here.. but, actually, that was really all of it.)

It is believed that 'pillimanay' is a perversion of the word, 'preliminary.' Normally, I am all about perversions, but frankly that misspelling had beaten the correct one, dragged it into an alley, and rifled through its wallet for twenties. I'd say that's enough abuse for any word.

--keelywolfe, while discussing Fanfiction.net story summaries here. You should read all of it. Only make sure that you are not eating or drinking, OK?

Found on scathedobsidian's LJ.

I like a woman who is "over" herself. Women consumed by their issues and pasts just don't interest me- for that matter, nor does anyone with a mind like a barbed-wire obstacle course.

The entire post can be found here. Good stuff.

I am pleased to metaquote aethereal_girl's metajoke:</span>

dhole: You know what's funny?

aethereal_girl: That time [dhole made a lame pun that inordinately amused him]?

dhole: No, it --

aethereal_girl: A-HA!

dhole: No, see, that was beyond funny.

aethereal_girl: A Nietzchean pun, as it were.

dhole: Exactly.

Silence, for a time.

aethereal_girl:So, you were going to tell me about something else that was funny.

dhole: A-ha-HA!

Laughter.

aethereal_girl: Now that was funny.

dhole: Yeah, that one wins.

aethereal_girl: It was a meta-joke -- one whose humor is based on the very idea of funny. A high modernist joke.

dhole: Like if Ezra Pound sat on a whoopee cushion.</span>

Hahahaha. We survive hurricanes AND we control the Presidency! Nothing can stop us now!

*whirring sounds as Florida transforms into a giant mecha-robot*

-- lots42

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willocwen in a comment on this post in dovil's journal.

You're right in saying Xander and Buffy have no chemistry. Angel and his hair gel have more chemistry than that. My science class has more chemistry than that. Which is unfortunate, because I'm better at physics than chemistry.

And Buffy and Xander don't even have physics.

wear whatever clothes you want, but wrap yourself up with saran wrap, maybe with an intricate saran wrap bow here and there (you can use the colored stuff if you want), and call yourself leftovers

--mthrtongue providing a suggestion about a Halloween costume in a comment.

sujata, discussing a recent DNA discovery that indicates humans may have evolved from sponges and fungi:

It's a damned shame about being related to fungi. I'm very fond of mushrooms. Which apparently makes me something of a cannibal. :-D

Some time ago, takinitslow83 wrote in bad_sex about an awful experience with "Daniel." Recently, she had the opportunity to tell him just how bad he was. I think this is the very best part of the whole conversation.

"Daniel": u thought i was that bad?
takinitslow83: i think you were the worst i've ever been with
"Daniel": oh well that sucks
takinitslow83: tell me about it</i>

from brenisue in a locked post, posted with permission:

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Hi. I occasionally pop my head in here to laugh from time to time. You can blame herodotusjr for that. I joined so I can post good shizzite from time to time.

Anyway, heard this on weirdjews (this post) and just had to post it here.

paper_crystals: Jews have a great tradition of bitching to G-d about their problems. I mean G-d stays up all night anyway.

sarcasma on H2O:

Seeing the big-screen trailer for the sure-to-be-gripping, Tom Clancyesque two-parter H20 (featuring Secret Pretend Boyfriends Paul Gross and Callum "No, Call ME" Keith Rennie) in the theatre the other day was very strange. It was full of urgent end-of-the-world meetings and light-up maps and stuff, but then people kept saying "Mr. Prime Minister" and "Parliament". It was so unexpectedly Canadian! And my first reaction (okay, second, after "Paul Gross!") was to say "Hush! What are you DOING? People are going to NOTICE us!" As Canadians, we're basically the fat kid who lives in a big house in a nice neighbourhood and has lots of toys, and who got assigned a seat next to the biggest bully jock kid in class. The bully jock kid doesn't pay much attention to us, but if we attract his attention it might occur to him that it would be easy to kick our ass and take our nice toys. So we keep goooood and quiet and sit in the corner and watch his movements very, very carefully. We certainly don't make miniserieseses with loud brassy soundtracks and government meetings. And we never talk about forests, oil, or water. The first rule of Giant Land Mass With Many Natural Resources is, you never talk about Giant Land Mass With Many Natural Resources.

At this point in my notes, it says "Duke of Buckingham/Charles I OTP!!" Clearly I am on crack because everybody knows Duke of Buckingham/James I is soooo canon!!111

-fmith, who had another fun history lesson

This is from my friend, fadedwingz who is always a constant source of amusement for me IRL:

and i doubt that i'll ever get an IPod...that would enable to listen to music when i'm outside...and walking. i can't multitask like that when i'm outside. i'll get hit by a car, or a bike...or some deranged pigeon or something. or, by the time i buy an IPod...they will have come up with something smaller...that holds more...something like...the IPin...the size of a safety pin with room for 1000000 GBs...

imlac totally rocks.

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In response to this article about issue one in Ohio. (Note: to read the entire article, you have to watch a commercial for a free day pass.):

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


GET OUT OF MY RELIGION YOU'RE MAKING ME LOOK BAD!!!!!!

/psychotic episode.

~lizamanynames

moonfairyhime, on downloads and their relative speed...

At the most random time, I got the urge to download Witch Hunter Robin. Which, I'm sad to say, is going slower than dirt. ...Who came up with the saying slower than dirt? Who spent time timing how slow dirt moved?

And she now has me wondering about that...

Just found this scribbled down the margin of a page of notes I made earlier: "If the colonists who wrote the Declaration of Independence were alive today, they would so have Bush exiled to Alaska for counter-revolutionary activity."

Note to self: just because the Russian history section of the library is empty, it doesn't mean it's a good place to write your essay on the American revolution. - jendleberry coming to terms with cross-topic studying.

Look! No bleedy-face icon!

This happened today:

My mother decided we had to have a 'bonding' lunch, so while we were driving we passed a rental place and she was like 'Oh, I rented a woodchipper from there once' and I said 'is there where the neighbors went?'
her: "yes"

we share a little laugh.

Then she starts talking again.

Her:"You know? In movies? When they feed a body to the woodchipper, all you see is this leg or something going down and it isn't LIKE THAT. There's all sorts of blood everywhere and it sprays out into your face... movies are so fake"
me: "...o.o"


and no talking for the rest of the car ride

Ps: She made very descriptive hand gestures during her little speech.

-crantz

"Speaking of fun, I totally got hit on at Tully's during my little walkabout yesterday! I think it's hilarious how white people in Japan cling to each other like magnets--it's like Gaijin Missile Lock. Hear that beeping sound? The one other white person in the crowd will find you and think it's totally ok to interrupt you when you're obviously working or ask all kinds of personal questions--because, hey, you're white! We're practically related! Gaijin Pride! High five!"

-- catvalente, here ^_^

deesarrachi on pop-up adds selling Term Papers:

"Fer cryin' out loud, people. Put these things on site like "Murry's House O' Learninating", not the site for the New York Times about police brutality."

dead_gurlie discusses WWJD?

I've always had a problem with that. Not exactly because i'm not a christian,but because do you think Jesus would really go through the drive through at McDonalds and order a cheeseburger with fries and a sprite? Or get online?

garrity on motherhood as a college professor, & feeling stranded even among her peers:

I feel like I'm from another planet. A planet where the aliens engage in careful 24/7 attention to the needs of thier small, weak, soft offspring; where there is a demographic spectrum of the entire lifespan, rather than two nodal age groups; where it's possible for the dominant sentients to use their brains for more than thirty seconds at a time.

I think I'll stick to the role of tourist, thanks. I have no interest in going native.

"Bagged milk is like a depressing version of capri sun." -highlearn, here.

Imagine the suicide note if she did, though? 'Dear mum and dad - I know you took the time and effort to raise me into this world, but now I'm ditching you because somebody said my Lord of the Rings fan fiction was bad. Fare well, cruel world.'

But, you know, with worse spelling.

- cspinks on a post in deleterius concerning a reply from a Suethor to a review where she threatened to commit suicide.

They had a list of terms not to use about homosexuals. Like you have to be careful what you say, or we'll pull out our giant dildos of rage and beat you until you refer to it as sexual orientation, not sexual preference

-panther_nesmith in a comment at my lj

Mom: how is your day going?
Me: not bad
Me: I banged my finger in a door!
Mom: oooooooooooooooooooo
Me: You can see my pulse!
Mom: does it still hurt?
Mom: did you put ice on?
Mom: what door?
Me: a little, yes, and the door to my room, of course
Me: er
Me: change yes to no.
Me: But I did hold it against a cold glass of milk for a bit!
Mom: put ice on...it would help
Mom: is it throbbing?
Me: only a little
Mom: take advil
Me: I don't need advil!
Me: I can still type! I'm sure it's fine!
Me: Just a little discolored under the nail
Mom: what color is it?
Me: purpred?
Mom: oooooooooooooooooooooooo
Me: Wait, no. Maybe it's more redple.

I clearly should have been an art major.

-fox1013, quoted from a friendslocked post with permission

silver_violet eats pizza just before going to bed.

I dreamed that I worked in a food hospital. I was just relocated to a food hospital up north, in one of the northern territories. We didn't have many food emergencies, so we had a lot of our budget to spend on small food emergencies, such as adding ketchup to a hotdog, or adding more cheese to the nachos. Suddenly, an ambulance rolled in with a real emergency. We were brought a dozen sickly baby pizzas! They were so small and so sickly, we had to work fast if we were going to save them!

Read the whole thing, it's hilarious!

Booty! It's a visual joke. Worksafe. :)

virmortuus posted this list here.

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First off, don't believe the polls--either way. Polls are what we Americans do in our spare time to pretend we know what the hell we're doing down here. It's sort of a statistical masturbation.

tooner in thedailyshow

Long-time listener, first time caller... (My flist just isn't funny enough.)


Quoted with permission, sailorlibra2884 in a locked post regarding an article about Canada's offer of surplus flu vaccines to the U.S.:

"I don't know...those Canadians are pretty shady when it comes to prescription drugs. Who knows what the hell they put in flu shots. Pretty soon we'll all be running around chewing on wood like beavers, wearing nothing but the Canadian flag, and screaming 'Aboot! Aboot! I am oot and aboot!!' "

I didn't see it here yet...I can't believe no-one posted it. It cracked me up...
From sarahtales, right here.

"My parents have respect and awe for technology verging on worship. Worship for the (being aware of sexual politics) shiny silver goddess Gadgetia.
Unfortunately this means that they accept, like all gods, Gadgetia is unfathomable.

ARCANE MESSENGER OF GADGETIA'S TRUTH (otherwise known as The Engineer): Is your modem connected?
PARENTS: Yea, that is the question. Is our modem connected? Is anyone's modem connected in this most imperfect world? What is modem, O jesting Pilate?
ENGINEER: Is your *modem* *connected*?
PARENTS: Let us contemplate this holy question, and ask Gadgetia its meaning. Ommmm...
MAYA: Our modem is in fact connected.
PARENTS: Hear her, hear her! Our child speaks with the tongue of men and angels! Our modem is connected! All praise be to Gadgetia!
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seraphic_slayer laments his innate need to be recognized:

What's sadder?: Writing something with the specific purpose of being metaquoted, goading one of your friends into metaquoting you, or being miffed that your manufactured metaquote garnered no response? Which, I ask you, which?

Y'know what would be REALLY sad? THIS entry getting metaquoted and actually getting some response. *Sigh*... I'm such an attention whore.

A sentimental whore...

I think there's a little bit of that in all of us.

~nerd_cake in the comments of a locked post, quoted with permission.