October 11th, 2004

Random - Trippy Colours

(no subject)

From Aussie mizz_nizz' log of her trip to England:

eg: (Nixy) "Can we shut the curtains? I don't like the idea of being on the ground floor with curtains open"
(Madam) "But the view! and the lights! (makes all these weird noises)
(Nixy) "What can you see laying down? You're going to sleep! what view can you see with your eye's shut?" (gives in and lets her have the window curtains wide open. The reason I wanted the curtains shut is the owner said to make sure we locked the doors because there had been people going to B&B's checking doors etc and letting themselves in)
(Madam) "God Nicole, if a guy looks in on you, I'd have thought you'd be grateful"

WHAT THE FU... BITCH!!!!!!! - I'm bloody STUNNING compared to this mousy moustached bad breath cow of a thing! breeeeeathe Nicole breeeeeeeathe.

(I commend Nicole on her ability to endure two four weeks with this woman she refers to as "Madam".)
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Knitting Love

And you thought airport security was bad...

felisdemens tells us all about the horrors of traveling in this post!

Arriving at O'Hare, I realized that I'd lost my boarding pass. having seen one too many episodes of Airline, I allowed this to make me exceedingly paranoid and started planning for what I would do if trapped in Chicago for any length of time with $30 and no clean underwear. I headed over to my gate, which was like unto the very tomb. I then wandered around until I spotted some dude in uniform behind a counter.

"Excuse me," I said, "I was-"

"I'm not an agent!" he shrieked, ducking behind the counter in a flurry of papers and making the sign of the cross.

"Um, I was just wonder-"

"I'M NOT AN AGENT! I CAN'T HELP YOU!" he wailed, waving a fistful of religious symbols at me and urinating submissively.

I walked away in bemusement. Behind me I heard another lost traveler asking "I wonder if you can help me?" and the uniformed dude weeping.
  • Current Music
    The Brak Show
Wall-e rain trying so very very hard

(no subject)

foolonthehill says: For those of you who watch what you eat

Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, British or Canadians.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, British or Canadians.

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, British or Canadians.

4. The Italians drink large amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, British or Canadians.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, British or Canadians.

6. Ukrainians drink a lot of vodka, eat a lot of pirogues, cabbage rolls and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, British or Canadians.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you
  • Current Mood
    amused Hee.
Thirteen Hours

(no subject)

I'm not going to be the one to tell him that "Avada Kedavra" isn't in the official Scrabble dictionary...

-- tviokh about Dark Lord Voldemort in this drawing here

Updates have been on the decline recently. I can only hope that it is due to my sleeping schedule and not because my life is slowly slipping into the realm of the non-situation comedy. You see I have been sleeping like a log with insomnia for the last week and it's finally beginning to take a toll on my usually robust physical state. As a result I am incapable of doing anything but make tasteless jokes and threaten innocent bystanders.

So, to make sure everyone knows I'm still disrupting work at every opportunity, I'm going to leave you all with the newest rule: When the last orders bell is sounded throughout the bar it is not my cue to bellow, "that's movie sign!" and run through every door in the establishment as fast as I possibly can.

Addition: ...nor will I coerce others into doing the same.

-- raffish (makes more sense if you're a MSTie, but IMHO it's amusing otherwise)
  • omgrhi

A gem from rwp's Ten Second Rants

Assault Rifles: My stance is simple. Unless you’re planning on going over to a war-torn country and taking out the bad guys, Rambo-style, YOU DON'T NEED A FUCKING ASSAULT RIFLE, RETARD! Can’t you just kill your entire family using a hand-gun? [...] Unless you have about 16 kids, I don’t see how swift bursts of gunfire is going to make that much of a difference. If you think it’s going to be hard, drug them or knock them out first. Besides, handguns are cheaper and you can get them at Wal-Mart. If you’re going to kill people, at least be economically rational about the whole thing.

The whole post is gold. Read it.
  • Current Music
    The Prodigy - Girlz
All for you

(no subject)

jim_smith expounds on the joy that is playing L&O video games:

So in the end, winning the trial by the skin of my teeth was a real thrill, and made Law & Order II: Double or Nothing, a fun way to blow an entire day.

Searching for indeterminate evidence in a scrapyard, on the other hand, was not. "Your Honor, if it pleases the court, the prosecution would like to enter into evidence Exhibit 27, which is a run-down washing machine with silverfish in it..."
  • Current Music
    Blink 182, "Feeling This"

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