Metaquotes

rainbowjehan pits fandom against absent-minded relatives. Hilarity ensues.

I could describe Jekyll. That would be fun. The conversation would go, essentially:

Nana: Have you got a boyfriend yet?
Me: Yep! He's the sweetest, cutest guy ever, but every now and then he turns into this tiny, creepy, homicidal rapist with ugly sideburns.
Nana: O_O You shouldn't go out with that kind of boy...! *pause* Hmm, these flowers need watering. Do you have a boyfriend yet, Kay?
Me: You do know that Kay is my Mum, right?
Nana: Ooh, that's right, she is! You look more like her every time I see you! Are you dating?

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- tallasse, the rest being here, also short.

From chozo: Avocados are dark and bumpy on the outside, and gooey and green on the inside.

I have come to a conclusion:
Avocados aren't fruits, they're fucking miniature Xenomorph eggs.

Somewhere in California they have a genetically-modified pygmy Alien Queen who produces eggs without the facehuggers inside, and fit for human consumption. Imagine if one of these eggs happened to have a facehugger still inside, by a fluke.

Think of this next time you eat guacamole.

"Jesus" just sent me a spam regarding online poker.

At least he isn't spamming me to try to get me to believe in his divinity.

--akhmed, who is Jewish

runnerchild on writing in journals. (Ones that you can pick up in your hands.)

Later, in high school, I kept a diary again for several years, and lately I've picked up the habit again. Either way, I don't bother to write anymore that I have a sister... I figure if I forget that, I'll have more problems than my diary can fix.

Original thread can be found here.

evilwonderbra, in her most recent post:

I have this really great fantasy of moving to San Francisco and living with Uncle Joey and Uncle Jesse babysitting Michelle while writing my novel. And then one day I accidentally kill Michelle, but it's ok because there is another one lying around somewhere, and I replace her and no one knows. Then me an uncle Jesse have hot passionate sex while D. J. watches. But that's my private fantasy.

So this morning as I'm eating my breakfast (always a bad idea if you're going to read LJ - there's always the risk of a stray bashorg quote and then breakfast being spewed across laptop in a fit of hilarity), I run across the following in gossamer_gull's journal.

The roommie and I ... saw a preview for Blade III. Yep. Wesley Snipes Warrior Princess strikes again. We are so there.

This, among other reasons, is why I love that woman. :)

[xposted to journal]

From the journal of cara_chapel, comes the story of new luggage. The entry is long and the whole thing is hysterical. This is but a a small piece:

So I look at the zippers, each and every one undone. Including the ones that zip down the middle of the liner of each suitcase so that you can open the liner, look at the metal and plastic bits and bobs behind, and then spend half an hour attempting to make the velcro tabs inside there align so the liner will stay where it's supposed to be again after you zip it up. And I say to myself, "Gad, I can't use a quarter of all these pockets. My stuff would vanish in them and I would Never Find It Again! Look, there's Jimmy Hoffa!"

I shoved Jimmy Hoffa back in his pocket and zipped him up, then zipped up all the other zippers to test this theory, then went back and opened up every pocket I could find as I looked for him again. Sure enough, I couldn't locate him. "Self," my self said back to me, "It's a good thing you didn't put anything you value in there, lieK, your breath mints. Cuz you need those, or else Sean Astin's hair won't be curly any more, and that would be a shame."

mattsachs here, replying to a post about a guy who had a vase inserted into his read by friends at a party:

I believe the phrase you're looking for is "With friends like that, who needs enemas?"

the whole post is amusing.

"My life is like a boss battle:
Long, boring, and very routine."

-penquinn2

I give up. There really is no arguing with a three year old girl once she decides she will grow up into part mermaid and part hot ass.

-- constantine, detailing her Disney Cruise. Just read the whole thing, as this is only one of the many quotables therein.

For any woman who's ever wanted to explain her cycle:

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   From the journal of my sister lorance, whom I love:

Did you ever hear the story about the boy who cried wolf? No? Well, that's probably because you're a machine, and we all know machine Mummies and Daddies aren't really big on raising their children in fear with the use of scary didactic tales.

   The whole story is here.