October 1st, 2004

Strindberg + Helium miseryyyyy
  • mary_re

kimby77's new OTP

Kerry: Well there was US, Britain, some little other countries no one knows anything about...
Bush: Don't forget Poland OMG!!! <3
Kerry: Yes, yes, we know all about your Poland obsession, Georgie...
Bush: OMG POLAND YAY!!
Kerry: Er- right. Now then, on to the Really Boring Important Stuff like taxes, abortion, and such...
Bush: POLAND.
Kerry: ....
Bush: POLAND/ME = OTP YAY!!!
Kerry: May I be excused? I think I need to go scrub my brain...
polar bear paw

Pimping the ljdq again

The LJ Daily Quiz: the moderators (AL & CV) ask the questions on Monday, the Quizlings provide answers by Wednesday, then the moderators collect the funniest answers, add a bit of commentary, & post the results on Fridays. Here's an excerpt from our latest Quiz:

1. This diplomatic arrangement between France and Scotland, lasting from 1295 until the Reformation, was primarily designed to thwart and annoy England. What was it called?

"A disaster! Who in their right mind would do anything with the French?" - deinemuse
"I'm all for anything that thwarts and annoys France" - bummerfly

(Don't worry, citizens of France, there's enough anti-Brit sentiment to go around too! -CV)
(Abuse for all nations. It's the United Nations way. -AL)

"The Escargot-Haggis Exchange. They each exported their worst biological weapon to the other, to thwart English designs." - fizrep

"The Khitomer Accord?" - djdysfunction

(Star Trek references go a long way in earning that coveted Geek Of The Week award. -1. -CV)

Correct Answer: The Auld Alliance.

"The enemy of my enemy is my party buddy. Serve up the haggis and champagne!" - perkyczarlet
  • Current Music
    "Pixie" by Ani diFranco
Our Captain.

(no subject)

So funny, it hurts.... from the journal of jeff_morris, by way of the CSI community. :)


jeff_morris wrote a ten second CSI tale. What if CSI investigated Gollum as a murder suspect:

"Oh, Smeagol hates the Grissom, he does. The Grissom makes us show him our hands, turns the hands up and down. The Grissom makes us open our mouth and puts the nasssty ssswab inside and wipes it all around, for the 'deee-ennnn-aaiiiy'. Nasssty Grissom hurts poor sweet Smeagol, gollum. He wraps the Deagol in the big black bag and takes him away, Smeagol's friend, and then he takes The Precious, our Precious, for 'eff-i-dense'.

"NASTY LITTLE GRISSOM! WE HATES IT FOREVER!"
  • Current Music
    Pet Shop Boys - King's Cross
Awesomeface
  • lyme

(no subject)

From fallofrain: Bush and Kerry chatroom style:

Kerry: And I will be sure to insert some actual intelligence and proper grammar into the presidency if I am elected.
bush: hay thar, guyz whatz goin on in this debate can i play 2?
Kerry: You can't just go in and DOS attack other sites without the backing our allies on the web.
bush: omg u forgot poland lol
Kerry: I do agree that Saddam is dangerous. But I still say we were wrong to go after the ljdrama crew for this war when there was no link between them and Al Queda.
Bush: omg ur flipfloppin
Kerry: I'm not flip flopping. I've always said ljdrama is dangerous, but they're not linked to internet terrorists who attacked us.
Bush: itz hard work lol i no haxx0rs
Kerry: Unlike some presidents, I can actually type in full sentences with proper grammar and spelling.
bush: i am teh president god bless cuz he sez i don have to use capitols n all that grammer crap i can spell nucular lol
  • katesti

(no subject)

jenelope, on some of the women on The Apprentice, here:

And not to be shallow and catty, but Ivana needs to work on her eyebrows. I've almost never seen brows more in need of cosmetic intervention than Ivana's. I'd suggest she turn to Maria for advice, but Maria needs to work a little less. Hers are groomed not just into submission but into blank servitude. If they were people, they would be wearing nipple clamps and licking her boots.
  • Current Music
    Nina Simone - Gin House Blues
blueflowers

(no subject)

adrienneee weighs in on debate-night fashion, among other things, here:

And what the hell was up with their ties?? George in Democrat blue, Kerry in Republican red?  How do you suppose that came about?  Do you think maybe there was a tense moment before they went on stage where they realized they were wearing the same tie?

"Dude!  You can't wear the blue! *I'm* wearing the blue!  Change it!"
"DUDE!  I'm the President! YOU change!"
"No, you change!"
"You're being un-American!"
"If I can't wear the blue tie, the terrorists have already won."

Meanwhile, some lowly staffer is  frantically running around looking for different color tie.  This would all be so simple if they had to wear tuxedos.  Or better yet, speedos.  Any one who can intelligibly pontificate with his package hanging out totally gets my vote.

I dress myself!

</a></b></a>seidoo_ryuu ponders George W. Bush as a growed-up Ralph Wiggum (from "The Simpsons"). Some examples:

Reporter: "Mr. President, we have all heard the reports of your recent hospital stay. Any words for our viewers on your status?"
Bush: "The doctor said I wouldn't get so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there..."

Reporter: "Mr. President, I'm sure that you have had a very busy time on the campaign trail, and everyone is wondering what your plans are, after the election. My guess is that you'll be getting some much-needed rest, am I correct?"
Bush: "Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!"

Concert announcer: "Aaand, with a flute up his nose...George W. Bush."
Bush: *toot, toot-toot*
Bush, Sr.: "That's some nice flutin', boy."

Read more of them here.

A new approach to "first post"...

From firstpost (of all people ;) in calnhobbes...
First posters of the United States, unite and follow me. We will be victorious and secure the freedom to post first for people all over the world. I've assembled a powerful coalition of support from the first posters of England and...and Poland. You don't want a leader who says it's the wrong post at the wrong time in the wrong place. That's just demoralizing and bad leadership. I've always said we'll win and, by golly, we will. We will win...for liberty. Post for me the next time you hit refresh. God bless you and god bless the first postings of America.
Halloween Hair

Mmm, Altoids

I suspect if Altoids made little white tablets of rat poison, blatantly put "Curiously Strong Rat Poison Mints" on the tin and put a picture of a skull and crossbones on the front, I suspect I'd still eat an entire tin in one sitting. I would be ashamed of myself, mind you, but I'd still do it.
---crevette

Consistency in the message... and underwear

From shadowcaptain, this entry quoted in entirety because I couldn't find a good way to cut it:

    lehrer: senator: boxers or briefs?

    kerry: well, you raise an interesting point. sometimes i wear shorts or otherwise engage in activities where boxers would be inappropriate. but most of the time i'm a boxers kind of person, and that's the kind of president i would be. i believe it was kofi annan in geneva, march of 1997, who said "the angle of the dangle is inversely proportional to the heat of the meat." that's why i could do a better job, because i'll wear what's appropriate at the time.

    lehrer: mr. president, thirty seconds.

    bush: my opponent can't make up his mind! he just said he wears briefs some days and boxers other days! what kind of message does that send to our troops? a free iraq is essential to the safety of the world! and colin powell agrees with me! that's not how a commander in chief acts! you need me to keep doing the job i've been doing, because i picked one pair of underwear when i had to change my pants on september 11th, and that's the pair i've been wearing non-stop ever since, and i'll keep wearing the same pair for the next four years. but he's just inconsistent.


(Yes, so it's another debate quote.)

Driving in new orelans

this was posted by beccak1961.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/beccak1961/

I know down here in New Orleans we not only talk funny we drive funny (not ha ha funny though) I know we don't bother with things like turn signals. In fact, if you actually used a turn signal other drivers would probably get so confused by the blinking light thingie on the back of your car they would hit you, so better not to take the chance. I know we run red lights and wait at green lights, it's self defense to wait because we know someone will run the red light.
joan holloway roses

Why Field Day needs much death.

Rabid Seniors: SENIORS! WHOOOOOOO!

Teachers: Um...teachers?

Rabid Seniors: WE KEEL YOU.

Teachers: Eep. *tug*

Rabid Seniors: *PULL*

Rope: Bitch, please.

Teachers: *collapse*

Me: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!

Niall: ...Poetry in motion?

Me: OMG YOU ALL FAIL LIFE.

Bill, a.k.a. Professor Deadpan: Well, seniors, there go your letters of recommendation.


--la_petite_singe, on the Senior vs. Faculty "Tug of Conflict."
Doctor Science

The best debate transcript

  • Current Mood
    blah alert-ish

Hee!

brigidsblest in the comments to this post (which has already been metaquotesed).

KERRY: *lots of intelligent remarks about foreign policy. Iraq blunders. death statistics. this administration's mistakes*
BUSH: *twitch. stammer.*
KERRY: *Iran and North Korea have nuclear weapons (also pronounces 'nuclear' properly. What about the threat of _their) WMGs, beeyotch?*
BUSH: *urge to kill...rising*
KERRY: *Not flip-flopping. Darfur genocide. This administration's lies.*
BUSH:...I KEEL YOU, HOR!
  • Current Mood
    amused amused