September 25th, 2004



Went to the Fox and Goose tonight, (and you know any story that begins with those seven words is bound to be colourful!)
Got vaguely drunk. Also had Gemma tickling the crap out of me, and thusly I was wrestled to the ground and, (through methods that I can only imagine pretain to dark magicks), had my bra stolen. It was like some fucking Houdini-style, sleight-of-hand trick. A flick of the wrist and TRA DA! Puff of smoke! My 34C was GONE!

The last time I saw it was when Dave was sporting it at the bar, ordering another beer. I only caught a glimpse of it, as I was continually distracted by Gemma, a lady who had seemingly developed a decidedly non-heterosexual fascination with my breasts and was currently sticking her head between them, saying "bubblebubblebubble..."

Enter a most perplexed looking Pete, staring at Gemma and I as we lay on the sticky floor, in what can only be discribed as a "makeshift yoga position".

"Oh. Hi Pete." said Gemma.

"Yo." says I.

"Huh." says Pete.

"I'd offer you my hand," I said, "but it's wedged somewhere unpleasant. And also, I hate you."

"... 'kay."

pontius, once again cracking me up so hard it hurts.
  • Current Mood
    giggly giggly
Buddy sleeping

foreign policy...

From a post here by caprine, quoted with permission.

When in actuality 9/11 was far more likely the fault of Christians, seeing as how Fundies in our government had been conducting foreign policy towards Islamic countries with all the grace and subtlety of an elephant with diarrhea.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

from fanficrants

sashwizzled notes the excessively annoying nature of "OMG I love this you must write a sequal!"-type responses to one-shot stories.

istoria relates a tale:
"I wrote a very quick humor fic about an unlikely pairing from two anime series. At the end of the story the guy killed the girl. There were calls for continuing the story to see where the relationship would go.

My boyfriend said I should write a second chapter where more people from the animes showed up and found the rotting body of the girl.

"Love never dies," says rikoshi

iczer6 points out that such love has a bury-by date.
"It just starts to smell funny after a while, and chunks start to fall off if you don't properly preserve it."

And then there's commentary on Big Macs. It's all good.
  • divabat

(no subject)

from cleolinda:

Whoa--forget Garbage; there's a Nick Cave and Kylie Minogue song? This is too awesome. "Where the Wild Roses Grow"--it has a very turn-of-the-century ballad feel to it. Kylie's all like, "They call me The Wild Rose/ why they call me that I do not know/ 'cause that's totally not my name, yo," and Nick's all like, "She was the most beautiful woman I ever saw/ like the bloody red roses IN DEATH'S GAPING MAW," and you know this isn't going to turn out well. I mean, never mind that in this song, Nick Cave apparently walks up to The Wild Kylie's door, like, a hundred years ago and is like, "You wanna do the sex?" And The Wild Kylie's all like, "Sure, why not? Even though I'm a virgin and all," and all the villagers go "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" And Nick's like "You are too awesome to live," and The Wild Kylie's like, "Aww, thanks," and Nick's like, "NO, REALLY. THE ROCK IN MY FIST THINKS SO TOO."

I mean--"Red Right Hand" is a great song and a staple of the horror movie soundtrack, but I'm not really familiar with the rest of his oeuvre, so... does anyone ever make it out alive in a Nick Cave song? I mean, for real, y'all. It's like Stephen King died and came back as a musician.

"Mommy, what's a..."

Comment on a post regarding banned books, and how "Where's Waldo" could end up on such a list:


userinfowriters_wrath: Not to mention Waldo wears stripes. Maybe it'll give kids ideas about jail. Then they can ask mommy and daddy what a prision b***h is.
  • Current Music
    "No Good Deed," Wicked

Birth, Drugs, and Discworld, oh my!

So much much later into my labor. after my two shots of demerol, and my epidural, and about 6 hours of exhausting active labor, i was rather out of my mind and arguring with my mother over something trivial and unimportant, when sam vimes wandered into the room, complete with cigar, and started askign me questions, treating my labor like it was a murder. I of course was delighted, and answered all his questions, and then told him i would be glad to help the city watch with any further inquiries. and while he looked puzzled, i then asked if next time he culd bring carrot and angua with him. he smiled nodded, and backed out of the room. i found out the next morning that this was actually the doctor, who ended up spending 25 minutes locked up with a computer doing research so that when he came back in, he'd be prepared for any eventuallity. which was good, because until i saw him again the next day i totally thought that nanny ogg delivered my baby.
-kira_snugz Read the whole thing.
  • Current Music
    Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill on DVD
agent may is unimpressed

On approaching a massage parlor

There used to be a massage parlor right across the street from where I work.

My desk is near a window, and I was easily able to see the front door of the establishment from my desk. I know the address, 1442 Callowhill, by heart because it appears on or above the front door in four different places. It appears on the door itself three times, one above another, in three different fonts; three different kinds of stickers.

I guess the patrons need plenty of reassurance as they approach that they're not going to walk into, say, a pet shop and have to walk out with a goldfish as to not arouse suspicion.


I also urge you to read the rest of his hilarious entry. Check out his webcomic, too: Greystone Inn. Brad Guigar's a very funny and punny man. ^_^
fanboy, Star Wars, Padawan

Has trollprincess ever not been quotable?

Here, she's being quotable again, on one of the trailers that ran before Shaun of the Dead:

Also, is it really all that bad that the more I see Seed of Chucky previews, the more I sort of want to see it? I mean, really ... Jennifer Tilly making fun of her career! John Waters simply existing! Britney Spears getting run off the road by Chucky's Humvee! I especially like that last one, as between that scene and James Gandolfini whacking Ben Affleck over the head with a snow shovel in the Surviving Christmas trailer, it's obvious that filmmakers have finally discovered that the way to amuse audiences is to inflict serious physical trauma upon tabloid hogs.
  • Current Music
    theme from "BeTrapped"
geek patrol

More phun with physics

shalathief talking about a problem in her physics text:
“Mary and her boyfriend Don, are tied together (we won’t ask why) by a rope of negligible mass. She is standing on a frictionless horizontal sheet of wet ice when Don, who is not too smart, accidentally steps off a cliff. Assume the unlikely possibility that the tree limb is frictionless and that her length of the rope is horizontal. Determine the tension in the rope and the accelerations of the ill-fated lovers. What would happen if she cut the rope?” (Hecht, Physics: Calculus)

And in the commentary:
What would happen if she cut the rope?

He'd fall to the ground and die.

But on the plus side, she'd be once again on the dating market, looking for yet another weirdo. I mean, honestly. Talk about a crappy date.

Don: Hey honey, wanna go out tonight?
Mary: 'Kay! *^^*
Don: What can we do...oh! I know! Let's go stand on a sheet of wet ice!
Mary: 'Kay! *^^*
Don: And, to make it really hot, let's TIE OURSELVES UP!!!
Mary: 'Kay! *^^*

Some women.
HAHAHAHAHA!!! Yeah but I kinda wonder about Mary. I mean in the picture, it looks like Mary somehow convinced Don to fall off the cliff. Or at least her attempts to save him are pretty sad. Maybe she's into killing her dates in elaborate physics ways. The next date is headed for the centrifuge no doubt.

locked post, w/ permission

(no subject)

After discovering that it's hard to cut down small trees with a knife, I went out and bought something called a lopper. I loved it so much I lopped the fuck out of that garden.

Also, when you walk down the street with your newly-purchased lopper, no one messes with you.


(no subject)

amanda_r, on the latest hurricane:

Okay, when I sang about Jeanne last week, that was NOT an invitation.

But she's here anyway, the whore. She's like that bitch you invite over because you know that if you give her a few glasses of wine she'll put out. But she wheedles and wibbles about it, then says she'll come here, then backs out, and then, when you've masturbated three times on the couch to Kiera Knightly in PotC, she shows up on your doorstep expecting to cuddle. Whore.
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    sympathetic sympathetic
agent may is unimpressed

On cross-country road trips

Also. Wisconsin? Needs to have things thrown at it. It is a deceptively large state, and takes forever to drive across. I mean, Texas, you know going in that you'll be in Texas until you die of old age, because it's right there, they brag about it, it's a big state. Wisconsin has, like, four entire hours of driving time that they never tell you about. It just lurks there, south of the lake, pretending like it's just an innocent purveyor of cheese, when really it is the road that never ends.

--rexlapinii, after helping his brother move away from Virginia