September 11th, 2004

dark goat

The wonders of personal massagers

littleprinceaj writes about the miracle of the Hitachi Magic Wand (possibly the world's best vibrator):

An Addict is Born

I bought my first Hitatchi today. I also bought the cap thingy that fits over the top so now it is a very high power insertable. When I was done I highpowered passed out for an hour. I am supposed to go to karate tonight. Probably not gonna happen. I am supposed to go to work tomorrow. I can not garuntee that happening either.

I want to write more in my journal, but I gotta go. Now.
  • Current Mood
    mischievous mischievous
Elven Vampire: LaughingImp

The cuteness is a ploy!

khukuri on cleaning the koala enclosure...

Koalas are evil little shit machines. Koalas can jump further than you'd expect and move quickly and silently, much like fat ninjas in fur suits. Unlike ninjas, however, koalas have a burning desire to climb onto your head (well, unlike most ninjas, anyway).

You may have gathered that I do not like mucking out the koala enclosure. I'm not good in front of crowds, even less so when I'm covered in marsupial poo and a busload of American tourists are watching a koala trying to anchor itself to my skull.

You may mock me, but you don't know terror until you look up from your raking to discover that one koala has disappeared from view. The other ones glower menacingly as you try to back away from the trees (all around, the trees!), rake raised. A rustle as the dread dropbear forgoes its stealth camouflage and goes for the kill, claws grabbing your hair...
  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious
little brown bird
  • fileg

(no subject)

sunspiral and friends order take out, from this post

Then they came out, proudly carrying our prize, the gallon of clam chowder. It was encased in a thin transparent plastic bag, thus being A Boiling Hot Thick Creamy Water Balloon. I felt like a character in a Tom Sharpe novel at one of those points where things have just veered from a seemingly perfectly reasonable sequence of events into something surreal, horrific and slightly obscene. No, I said to the manager, you are not selling me a water balloon. This will not do. He looked confused. Find a container, I said. A real container that we can pour out of. Not a water balloon. He suggested that we “cut a small hole near one end” as a serving strategy. No, I said in tones of doom, that. will. not. do. He looked confused and helpless. As this was happening, I saw one of the staff crush a gallon plastic jug and throw it and its lid into a garbage can. I told the manager to get the jug out of the garbage, inflate it, rinse it out, and use it for our gallon of clam chowder. Not quite using the voice from Dune, but close enough. I also suggested they use a funnel, and no, I really doubted that once rinsed, that enough residue from the lemonade would remain in the jug to be a problem. I was willing to take that risk. (Insert intermission theme, several times.) So it turned out that their funnels wouldn’t pass the chunky thick clam chowder, but what they did use is unknown to us, except that they said that "they improvised". They absolutely refused to tell us what they’d done, but in the process of doing it, two of their staff sustained first degree burns. I also wondered exactly how many Board of Health rules were broken during this adventure, but I didn’t really care.