August 27th, 2004

  • griffen

From a locked post, quoted with permission.

In kitsunegeek's journal, zie talks about zir very young child:

[He] was lying on the kitchen floor, clutching his blankie, and whimpering. Occasionally he let out a pathetic moan. (He wanted to watch a Baby Einstein video and had been told "no") As I walked past his sprawled form, he reached out a tiny hand and grabbed my Doc, looking up at me and wailing piteously.

I looked down at him and said "Don't try to out-woe-and-despair me kid, I'm a Goth." and walked on past him.
  • Current Music
    Information Society - What's On Your Mind

(no subject)

From a conversation between chiboleth, a fellow teacher here in Japan, and her students.
Helen : good morning
Hiroshi: helllloooo!
Helen: how are you?
Hiroshi: greeeattt! do you want to see a condom?
Helen: you have a condom? motte iru? (same again in japanese)
Hiroshi: *reaches theatrically into his inner jacket pocket and pulls something out*
i have..... killer condom!
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
  • jelymo

Impulsiveness has its downside ...

flamingblur posts about getting his butt kicked as a mage while playing Dungeons & Dragons:

It was a lot of fun, especially since I played a character that was very impulsive. However, that kind of made me dead. Who knew that turning into a Dragon and burning down a chapel because the plants made me mad would have reprecusions?

I must apologize because this isn't on his LJ, but instead posted on his personal website blog, located here. He really only has his LJ for commentary. But that counts, right? Right? *hopeful*

This is my first real metaquote contribution. I've been lurking and commenting for ... um ... a long time now. heehee. And I promise to better obey the rules next time. ;)
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Fire - phoenix flame
  • fyre

What to do when your dad is a raging, homophobic moron....

From skin_art_junkie's post here

3. Develop a habit of staying in your room. As much as possible. Also develop a habit of chain smoking. At least if you die at an early age, he can't follow you to the after-life. Unless of course, God decides he STILL hates you. Kill God. He's been a meddling fucker for TOO long.


9. Frolick around the room yelling "Look Dad! I'm gay! I'm gay!" ...

(The entire post is amusing, but those two are the best...)


Long time reader, first time poster and all that other kitsch :P

A comment in reply to my moment of Eric Bana fangirlishness (I saw him on the telly at a Sydney charity event):

vureoelt: This fangirl moment brought to you by Banamones. Banamones: When regular hormones just aren't enough...

Okay, well *I* found it amusing.
  • Current Mood
    sleepy sleepy

(no subject)

What if someone wrote a Harry Potter fic in which a new student arrives at Hogwarts. This person is slightly androgynous, beautiful, a talented artist, phenomenal singer and musician, decent dancer and spellbinding actor. They are well dressed. They have read as many books as Hermione, and can snark like Draco. They also appear to be a bit psychic. They have two different colored eyes, and they are blond. They flirt with everyone, and everyone lets them get away with it.

Mary Sue? Yes. Also? David Bowie.

-- babydraco here --- not a funny post, but I love the flow of that bit :)

sharpest_rose: Mark Hamill also played the Joker-equivalent in Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back, and had a lightsabre fight with 'Bluntman.' He's like an in-joke wrapped in a sly wink wrapped in a funny.

gay fountain, naya, santana

(no subject)

from my friend troymccluresf

Man, you really can't eat just one Milk Dud. You have to keep eating. When you eat one or two, you always get that glob of Milk Dud stuck to your teeth. Your tongue, at best, can make it wiggle about, but it still stays latched on to your tooth. You might be able to extract some with your finger, but it's weirdly gross, and you can never get the whole thing.

The solution? Another Milk Dud. It's the only answer to a stuck Dud. You chew up another Milk Dud, it absorbs the Milk Dud globule, and all that remains is the faint taste of gooey chocolaty goodness.

But lo! The Milk Dud you ate purely out of necessity begat another Milk Dud globule, on a separate tooth. So the cycle begins anew. Once in a while, you're able to end the cycle, out of pure luck. Not only will a new Milk Dud clear your mouth of any residual Dud, it, too, will leave the scene without a trace. You share a moment with yourself, a moment of relief and slight accomplishment- you broke the Milk Dud cycle.

What better way to reward yourself, but with a chewy, caramely, chocolaty Milk Dud?!
graffiti crow

Everything this woman says is metaquote worthy.

Soma, as many anthropology majors who did a lot of drugs know, is a divine hallucinogen from India, widely believed to be derived from fly agaric mushrooms. The easiest way to concentrate it for maximum potency is to drink it. And then...drink it again. And again.** After a few runs through t'old urinary tract, it's potent enough to make you see god. However, I have already met a god on drugs, and while he was a pleasant sort, I would require a lot more incentive before drinking recycled Canadian urine.

**Kids, don't try this at home.

-- ursulav
  • Current Music
    AC/DC - Back in Black

(no subject)

thunderemerald, from friendsfriends, this post.

5. Paul Hamm, Morgan Hamm or Mia Hamm?
Paul. To my knowledge, the only person in history to win gold by falling on the judges.

Paul: *falls on judges* Sorryyyyy!
Judges: OMGthatwassosexy.
Paul: ?
Judges: GOLD!
Paul: ...
Judges: No, for real!
Paul: !!!!!

(I looked and am relatively certain this hasn't been posted)

(no subject)

For those not in the know, pottersues is the LJ of someone who delves into the Harry Potter section of to find the most god-awful HP fanfic possible, which is then posted for people to snark at, critique, and otherwise amuse ourselves. Some of the past findings include a fic where (and I wish I was kidding about this) Dumbledore summons up Jesus, yes, the son of God, to help fight Voldemort.

In any case, today's entry was a crossover between Harry Potter and the TV show Alias, which produced the following comments:

ticca: This one would be better if there were lesbians. Yes.

eofs: There are some things even lesbians can't save. I'm sorry, but that's just the way life is.

ticca: Woe! Speak not these horrible untruths to mine ears!
  • Current Music
    Ambient Noise
  • rymo

my first post here

A series of comments in response to this image:

In the original entry, stitch_vicious initially said, "I just hope that thing shoots water."

I then replied, "The's just right in the...gaah!"

To which they replied, "I'm glad it's in that end. Let's keep that water coming out the attic and not the basement."
  • Current Music
    {in head} Jackson Browne
meh, neutral, everyday life


dr_memory, on his visit to Coldstone Creamery:

For the record, I had the Mint Mint Chocolate Chocolate Chip. I had the smallest serving they offered, and at the moment it is only by immense force of personal will that I am not vibrating a rift through the space-time continuum. If you notice any major violations of General Relativity in your area in the next 90 minutes, or hear a very large explosion from the vicinity of 40th Street, you know who to sue.

Not the point of the post, but definitely the metaquotable part.
  • Current Music
    Ratt, "Lack of Communication"
  • gruyere

(no subject)

Meta-meta, from the comments to this post

rane_ab: *has wondered repeatedly what tentacle porn is*.

nematoddity: isabelgou doesn't go far enough. The true weirdness of tentacle porn goes thusly:

1. Tentacles must be multiple, thick, phallic, and belong to either demons from Hell or aliens from a terrible dimension where they can't get dates on their own.

2. Victims of said tentacle aliens must be wearing short schoolgirl skirts, be defiantly underage, and must scream, cry, carry on, blush in embarrassment, and in general give every surface impression of being raped...until each and every one is reluctantly carried away into willing unconsciousness, or willing pleasure, for at least one minute ten seconds.

3. It can't ever happen only once. These hapless femmes are generally picked on the ENTIRE movie, over and over and OVER often the view wonders if they're not getting dreadfully chapped, poor darlings.

Schoolgirl + many mobile dicks + rape is fun = tentacle sex. Pretty much.


"Good news for Jesus: you just beat Wicca, 26185 to 26173
Bad news for Jesus: You lost to Adult Swim, 26185 to 26244

Sleeping (170762) and anime (158110) both beat out sex (150617). Are we gonna have a continuation-of-the-species problem here? Get to work, people! (And "children" didn't even make it onto the most-popular list.) On the other hand sex (150617) did beat food (120820) quite handily. Nice to see not all your priorities are whacked. Except.... if you add up food (120820) and eating (59203) the total (180023) is almost 20% more popular than sex. D'OH! I take it back, you people really are all screwed up. Less talk, more monkey!

--nminusone on which interests rank highest against others. Whole hysterical post here.

honorable mention to
weswilson who pointed me at this.
  • Current Mood
    very amused
Not!Fandom: Autumn Bench
  • van

I hate them wander uteruses . . . uterii?

From customers_suck on this post where an old lady is super rude, cursing and mean to a Taco Bell drive-thru employee.

geno8827: Jeez sounds like she was umm... that feminine thing yea... *turns around and walks away calmly* -_-'
ladydreamer: ... that feminine thing? You mean her womb was wandering and she was compelled to follow it to Taco Bell?!?!

"Welcome to Taco-"
  • Current Mood
    amused amused