August 20th, 2004

dancing indigo

Light and Dark Fic Meats?

"Some of the fic is light and fluffy - like pancakes and butter. Some of the fic is dark - like pancakes and Robert Smith of the Cure's underpants. Some of the fic is smut - like pancakes, hookers, and blow. And Robert Smith of the Cure."

--mice, in an open letter to her friendslist
Spittake -- art by Lisa Andresen

A few highlights from today's fpage:

kickouttheiambs hears some interesting ads:

Last night we heard an ad on Clear Channel classic rock radio that announced the Pittsburgh Freemasons' yearly open house. There was an invitation to bring the family and to spend a day on a retreat and "earn a whole year's worth of points in a day." There was a toll free number for more information. At the end of the commercial, the announcer said, "Remember, only Freemasons can advance to become Shriners. Don't let this opportunity pass you by!"


rosaleendhu is cleaning under her bed for the first time in years. She's found all sorts of things, including:

Sweet Valley High books. (Mom asked me what I'm going to do with them and I replied, "Stare in horror.")

(I grinned with amusement, sympathy, and rememberance.)


agentfroot laments about computer stock:

(At CompUSA)
Ade: They had a section for gender changers, but I was disappointed. It was just plugs and cables.
Dad: Someday you will get professional help...
  • Current Mood
    amused bemused
WE HAVE COOKIES - Unknown

(no subject)

malibu's comment on stupid kids in a movie theater dropping popcorn in front of her while she is trying to clean.

I WILL HIT YOU WITH MY MAGIC USHER BROOM AND YOU WILL FUCKIN' DISAPPEAR!!! YOU HEAR ME?! IT WILL BE VERY BAD AND YOU WILL CRY!!!

The full story along with many other hilarious comments here.
psycho, weird

Devil with a blue rinse

The always amusing emma_daisy goes shopping:

'Old lady tried to kill me with her shopping cart in Sainsburys today. Saw my life flash before my eyes as she hurtled towards me. Once I'd picked up the shelf of red peppers she'd also mowed down she was all oops me dearie but she didn't fool me for a second. The bitch was out for blood.

Then later as I perused the sorbet aisle, random old man came up to me and said Such a pretty girl shouldn't look so angry".

Huh? Angry? Huh? I was looking at sorbet, why would I be angry? Then I realised he'd mistaken my 'thinking about sorbet' face for my 'gonna fuck your shit up' face. Apparantly the two are quite similar.'
Rowr!

(no subject)

Obnoxious Honda: *BOOMTHUDBOOMBOOMTHUDBITCHESHOESBOOMTHUD!!!*
iPod: Hello? Remember me?
Purple Tracer: ...and I have speakers too you know.
Me: *ideas spark. wheels through playlist. opens window*
Louis Prima, volume 5 million: "OOOOH PLEASEA NO SQUEEZA DA BANANA! BECAUSE WHEN YOU DO DAT, DA BANANA YOU MAKE 'EM FLAT!"
Obnoxious Honda: WTF?! *STARE*

-- read the whole thing, it'll make more sense...
agent may is unimpressed

On old wives' tales

Back in 2002, my very paranoid and hypochondriac mom had told me that I shouldn't date or have sex with guys that were very tall because they were "proportionate" and because I'm very short, she was afraid I'd get cervical cancer.

...

Just roll with it, eh?

So in the comments, mike_smith chimed in to say:

Speaking for tall men everywhere, what'd I ever do to deserve this?

I mean, I was never a smooth operator to start with, now I find out people think I can cause cancer just by banging them. Which might be kind of cool in a catoonish supervillain kind of way, but mostly it just sucks in a Mike-has-that-much-more-going-against-him-getting-laid kind of way.
Glam!

From the customers_suck file

That does make me mental, even with non-customers. Especially incredulous people who make you repeat yourself.

Me: "I've never seen (Movie X)."
Them: "OH MY GAWD!! YOU'VE _NEVER_ SEEN (MOVIE X)?!"
Me: *assumes it's rhetorical*
Them: *waits*
Tumbleweeds: *roll by*
Seasons: *change*
Glaciers: *advance across the Earth*
Me: "NO. I HAVEN'T SEEN THE #&$^*$ING MOVIE."
Them: "OH MY GAWWWWWWWWD!"



-- takhisis in response to this post.
  • Current Music
    Remy Shand: The Mind's Eye
Book of Mormon - spooky Mormon hell drea

That time of the month

shawk analyzes a befuddlingly new variation on a feminine product:

Now, in my experience, the only time the noise of unwrapping a pad would even remotely be an issue is if one is in a public restroom, but then one assumes you'd be in a women's public restroom, and the vast majority of women who would be in a public restroom will not be startled or disturbed by the crinkling of a pad being unwrapped, as at least once a month, these woman have probably managed to deal with this horrifying issue.

Unless whoever (read: some man) came up with this brilliant concept thinks that women are such delicate creatures that they will expire in embarassment at someone knowing that they are using a pad?


Read the rest here! Really, do it.
you expect me to believe that?, duhhh, Cuddles is so smart

(no subject)

Well, you've done it.
You've found us out.
We're all a bunch of Iraqis who hate the United States so much that we wreak our revenge by making teenaged authors of bad fanfiction cry.
PRAISE ALLAH, our work here is complete!


-tviokh, here. Hilarious trollage! Pissed-off author! Popcorn and Dots! Satin worship galore! You should read the entire thing. It's funny.
PR || Cosmos

Fruit?

Dreamt about fishies last night. Julie's fault. Yes. (Apart from the freestyle rap contest won by Bernie Mac, inspired by his annoyance at ordering three pork chops but only getting one. His prize? Lots of fruit.)

--tom_kiper, here, once again telling us about the dreams her odd subconscious comes up with.
  • Current Mood
    bouncy bouncy
heart-shaped bubbles

On overcompensating

Taken from joyfulgirl41's recent post, regarding </a></b></a>thebookyoucrew:

Deep, intelligent, well-read individuals rarely have to go to any great lengths to point out how deep, intelligent, and well-read they are. It's almost as if they don't have anything to prove.

Which makes the booksnobcrew kind of like those guys that drive around in those jacked-up cars. You know the ones I mean. The big SUVs or phallic-like sports cars with the bass cranked up and the shiny!yay! rims and such -- and they're driving them because they're soooooooo into cars and you're supposed to be all impressed, but really you're just sitting there thinking, "Sorry about your tiny, tiny penis."
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Glam!

Foodstamps, Cheetos & porn stars

In response to this post:

malibu : LMAO...sorry...got the stupidest mental picture of Chester Cheetah coming home to the fat foodstamp lady...
Wife: "How was your day, dear?"
Chester: "DANGEROUSLY CHEESY!"
Oh man...............I need to get some caffeine in me RIGHT NOW...


topacio : I bet all their kids are named after breakfast cereals.
"I'm Mrs Chester Cheetah and these are my kids Coco, Trixie, Cheerio, Chocula, Kix and Lucky!"


Collapse )

The whole thread is hilarious. Really.
  • Current Music
    Underworld
[ASOIAF] Sansa faceless.

Last Supper

In response to this post in my journal, mhw at first replies here:

But... but... y'know, the miracle of Transsubstantiation! if you use non-gluten products, you won't get Dead Jesus - it could be any random person turns up!


And then eventually here:

Sheesh. Maybe 2000 years from now someone'll be arguing over the doctrinal correctness of pizza and beer, which is probably what today's Last Supper would be.
HP: PoA - Prongs

That last sentence is just brill...

"So today my mother told me my dad wants a grandchild, one of the customers had me hold her baby while she fixed her package, and one of the dock workers mistakenly assumed the baby photo Bosslady put over our computer of her niece was of my baby. If God's trying to tell me something, I think that unless he wants to preface it with the winning Powerball numbers, I'll just be over in the corner wallowing in hysterical deafness."

~ apocalypsos, here
  • Current Music
    Julie Roberts ~ Breakdown Here
[Art] Deeeeeerrrrp?
  • drazzi

(no subject)

windschaser is Studying fine art...

Book: And the whole point of Titian's portraits of young men is clearly SEX.
Me: Excuse me?
Book: Yes! Sex! Just look at them! The sensual mouths, the soft hair, the coy glances, the feminine poses! The gloves, by Jove! Clearly they do not conform to the male archetype, and thus they are nothing but sensual symbols to be eyed by women! Maybe even... by men! Maybe there is (dare I say it) homoerotic boysex somewhere in here!
Me: Wow. It can't be easy, using such big words when all you’re really trying to do is drool.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused