--mice, in an open letter to her friendslist
Last night we heard an ad on Clear Channel classic rock radio that announced the Pittsburgh Freemasons' yearly open house. There was an invitation to bring the family and to spend a day on a retreat and "earn a whole year's worth of points in a day." There was a toll free number for more information. At the end of the commercial, the announcer said, "Remember, only Freemasons can advance to become Shriners. Don't let this opportunity pass you by!"
rosaleendhu is cleaning under her bed for the first time in years. She's found all sorts of things, including:
Sweet Valley High books. (Mom asked me what I'm going to do with them and I replied, "Stare in horror.")
(I grinned with amusement, sympathy, and rememberance.)
agentfroot laments about computer stock:
Ade: They had a section for gender changers, but I was disappointed. It was just plugs and cables.
Dad: Someday you will get professional help...
I WILL HIT YOU WITH MY MAGIC USHER BROOM AND YOU WILL FUCKIN' DISAPPEAR!!! YOU HEAR ME?! IT WILL BE VERY BAD AND YOU WILL CRY!!!
The full story along with many other hilarious comments here.
'Old lady tried to kill me with her shopping cart in Sainsburys today. Saw my life flash before my eyes as she hurtled towards me. Once I'd picked up the shelf of red peppers she'd also mowed down she was all oops me dearie but she didn't fool me for a second. The bitch was out for blood.
Then later as I perused the sorbet aisle, random old man came up to me and said Such a pretty girl shouldn't look so angry".
Huh? Angry? Huh? I was looking at sorbet, why would I be angry? Then I realised he'd mistaken my 'thinking about sorbet' face for my 'gonna fuck your shit up' face. Apparantly the two are quite similar.'
iPod: Hello? Remember me?
Purple Tracer: ...and I have speakers too you know.
Me: *ideas spark. wheels through playlist. opens window*
Louis Prima, volume 5 million: "OOOOH PLEASEA NO SQUEEZA DA BANANA! BECAUSE WHEN YOU DO DAT, DA BANANA YOU MAKE 'EM FLAT!"
Obnoxious Honda: WTF?! *STARE*
-- read the whole thing, it'll make more sense...
bacaninho , in the sole comment to his post about his near-death experience on the river:
"Ok, I'm not sure I made myself clear. I AM NOT DEAD. I can only assume that the massive amounts of silence that greeted this post must have been due to some confusion on this point."
from euphrasie here.
Just roll with it, eh?
So in the comments, mike_smith chimed in to say:
Speaking for tall men everywhere, what'd I ever do to deserve this?
I mean, I was never a smooth operator to start with, now I find out people think I can cause cancer just by banging them. Which might be kind of cool in a catoonish supervillain kind of way, but mostly it just sucks in a Mike-has-that-much-more-going-against-hi
Me: "I've never seen (Movie X)."
Them: "OH MY GAWD!! YOU'VE _NEVER_ SEEN (MOVIE X)?!"
Me: *assumes it's rhetorical*
Tumbleweeds: *roll by*
Glaciers: *advance across the Earth*
Me: "NO. I HAVEN'T SEEN THE #&$^*$ING MOVIE."
Them: "OH MY GAWWWWWWWWD!"
-- takhisis in response to this post.
Now, in my experience, the only time the noise of unwrapping a pad would even remotely be an issue is if one is in a public restroom, but then one assumes you'd be in a women's public restroom, and the vast majority of women who would be in a public restroom will not be startled or disturbed by the crinkling of a pad being unwrapped, as at least once a month, these woman have probably managed to deal with this horrifying issue.
Unless whoever (read: some man) came up with this brilliant concept thinks that women are such delicate creatures that they will expire in embarassment at someone knowing that they are using a pad?
Read the rest here! Really, do it.
You've found us out.
We're all a bunch of Iraqis who hate the United States so much that we wreak our revenge by making teenaged authors of bad fanfiction cry.
PRAISE ALLAH, our work here is complete!
-tviokh, here. Hilarious trollage! Pissed-off author! Popcorn and Dots! Satin worship galore! You should read the entire thing. It's funny.
--tom_kiper, here, once again telling us about the dreams her odd subconscious comes up with.
Deep, intelligent, well-read individuals rarely have to go to any great lengths to point out how deep, intelligent, and well-read they are. It's almost as if they don't have anything to prove.
Which makes the booksnobcrew kind of like those guys that drive around in those jacked-up cars. You know the ones I mean. The big SUVs or phallic-like sports cars with the bass cranked up and the shiny!yay! rims and such -- and they're driving them because they're soooooooo into cars and you're supposed to be all impressed, but really you're just sitting there thinking, "Sorry about your tiny, tiny penis."
malibu : LMAO...sorry...got the stupidest mental picture of Chester Cheetah coming home to the fat foodstamp lady...
Wife: "How was your day, dear?"
Chester: "DANGEROUSLY CHEESY!"
Oh man...............I need to get some caffeine in me RIGHT NOW...
topacio : I bet all their kids are named after breakfast cereals.
"I'm Mrs Chester Cheetah and these are my kids Coco, Trixie, Cheerio, Chocula, Kix and Lucky!"
( Collapse )
The whole thread is hilarious. Really.
Today = yay!
Today = last day of band camp = sorrow.
Eating out at TwinCo = yay!
Band stories = yay!
Yay = win.
But... but... y'know, the miracle of Transsubstantiation! if you use non-gluten products, you won't get Dead Jesus - it could be any random person turns up!
And then eventually here:
Sheesh. Maybe 2000 years from now someone'll be arguing over the doctrinal correctness of pizza and beer, which is probably what today's Last Supper would be.
~ apocalypsos, here
Book: And the whole point of Titian's portraits of young men is clearly SEX.
Me: Excuse me?
Book: Yes! Sex! Just look at them! The sensual mouths, the soft hair, the coy glances, the feminine poses! The gloves, by Jove! Clearly they do not conform to the male archetype, and thus they are nothing but sensual symbols to be eyed by women! Maybe even... by men! Maybe there is (dare I say it) homoerotic boysex somewhere in here!
Me: Wow. It can't be easy, using such big words when all you’re really trying to do is drool.