August 7th, 2004

K: Hey Stupid!, K: The Unholy Duo, Dogmatix, K: Lesbian Again, K: Laughing Out Loud

(no subject)

At dinner I expressed my desire for cookies, so afterwards my mother, brother and I piled into a car to fetch dessert. Just as we were leaving, she turned to my brother and said, "This is going to sound really weird, but can you go get me my pruning scissors?" Mike shrugged and grabbed them, and we backed out of the driveway, with me wondering just what was so weird about wanting pruning scissors, exactly? Then we stopped alongside Bridget Ward's house. Cackling like a madwoman, my mother snatched the scissors, shot from the driver's seat, and attacked some poor shadowy plant on the front lawn with them. Then she calmly re-entered the car, settled into her seat, and drove off, perfectly pleased with herself.

Allow me to sum this up for you. My mother is not just anal. My mother is so anal that she prunes other people's unsuspecting plants in the dead of night.

This story is so totally going in what I am sure will be my kooky and touching autobiographical novel, a la David Sedaris, as an explanation for why I am INSANE.

-- cheeriomonkey
Default

The Truth about Yoga

"Yoga", as you may not know, is a Sanskrit word meaning "death by stretching", and unlike a heart attack incurred by eating gratuitous
amounts of chocolate, there is absolutely nothing pleasurable about the process. There is, however, a tightening of the abdominal muscles (which
I consider my weakest area amongst many, many weak areas), very much akin to how it might feel to have one's intestines ripped out through their
anus.


citizenjess, here
  • Current Music
    Ambient Noise

(no subject)

miscellanny has an adolescent moment:

If anyone has me filtered? Have a spine. Just unfriend me. I won't hold it against you.

Um... except, y'know, filtered. So you probably won't see this.

Heh.

*grins evilly*

*moons the people who have me filtered*

TAKE THAT!
Hairspray is b_^_^_d
  • miggy

(no subject)

irfikos, on an experience many of us seemed to share during a weekend in Vegas' cracktastic Imperial Palace:

"you mean it's not on the 4th floor?" i asked.

"no, it's on the 4th floor," she replied.

"but i was just on the 4th floor and it wasn't there."

"ah, but it's on a different 4th floor," she explained and then walked away, mysteriously.

had i known that dimensional portals would be involved, i might have waited for inobunny to wake up.
Nanerpus!

Acid Stories are always metaquote-worthy

A recent vegetarian post asked "What is every ones reason for becoming a vegetarian or a vegan?". After a few of the usual answers like "I just realized I was eating something's leg" and "I started for health reasons", I caught this gem:

"I blame hallucinogens for turning me vegetarian...not that being a veg. is bad. I was 14, and it was the first and only time I have taken acid. Sure enough...I go to Arby's and get their chicken strips. Needless to say, hearing my chicken strips cluck at me was the final straw....six years and going strong...no meat or acid."

slow_agony in

http://www.livejournal.com/community/vegetarian/2151027.html?view=23926131#t23926131
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
christmas - axial
  • tzikeh

movie-geek joys

"I went to see Bourne Supremacy, which was good. Though lately I find myself enjoying movies like this on aspects that they probably didn't intend. For example, during the car chase scene while I was aware that it was action-packed and wonderful, my biggest reaction was a desire to have sex with their continuity department. But still, worth the money!" -- thebratqueen
I think

Words what need heard....

From lazarus7


Either way, I think I will go to bed, dream of my future and the wild pleasures of life that still await. To much time spend brooding about the failures of yesterday blinds us to the pure beauty of tomorrow and how much of life there is to be had.

From customers_suck

Gotta wonder what else poor infernogoddess has to put up with if she has customers like these:

Ok so im sure some have had the ever loving photo working experience. I guess people do not relieze that we can SEE the photos we develope. This concept must be to much for them I swear. Anyways I develope this kids pictures of him and all his naked glory (not to great i might add). Well we are not allowed to give customers any kind of naked pictures that involve anything sexual or frontal shots.

NG - naked guy
NGF - naked guys friend
Me - loving photo tech that I am

Me- Sir, we were unable to print some of your pictures.
NG- Why not?
Me- I go on to explain its against policy
NG- Well you liked what you saw didnt you?

now yes this guy is cute and most would be dumbfounded by this question

Me- No, i have bigger and better at home. (very matter of factly)
NG- .........
NGF's could not stop laughing even as they walked out the door

It was great satisfaction to say it in the first place but even greater that his friends would be talking about it for days. :)
britta guns - shelightsupwell

(no subject)

That, and I had an argument with my car. It's first day back, and I actually had an argument with my car. Went along the lines of,

Me, "Isn't this great, Car? You and me, together again, on the open road, wind in our- well, my hair."
Car, "...."
Me, "It would be cool if your AC worked, though. It's really hot in here."
Car, "..."
Me, "Haaaaaangin Arouuuuuuuuuuund - nuthin to do but Froooooooown! Rainy days and Mon- oh. It's Saturday. Have to pick another song to sing. Cause your radio doesn't work. Pity about that, too."
Car, "..."
Me, "Stuffy in here, isn't it? Here, I'll get the window -" I don't know how, but somehow that piece of hand between my thumb and forefinger got wound up in the window-roller-downer-thingy. And it was stuck. "*$^##$&*$)#$&*#�%*�(@&%(*&*($&**&^�$^*(*�&!"
Car, "..."
Me, "&%%%$%$%&&%@@$$##!"
Car, "Well don't look at me."
Me, "%^$#%#^HELP&*^%$#!" Somehow I managed to get my hand out, but it hurt like a bitch afterwards and it's now very purple and gross. "What the hell was that?!"
Car, "Your fault."
Me, "NO! What the - I just got you back, why are you being this way?!"
Car, "It was your fault, anyway."
Me, "It freggin wasn't, you piece of crap - I sacrificed my paycheck for you, ya know!"
Car, "And it took you a month to get me fixed! You should've just left me there!"
Me, "Of course I wouldn't! I love you!"
Car, "Yeah, well, I don't love you"
Me, "But - yes you do!"
Car, "No, I haven't loved you for a long time. You're in love with yourself. You never pay any attention to me, and qutie frankly, for a while now I haven't cared"
Me, "Well this is news"
Car, "Yeah, well, deal"
Me, "But..you do love me! You let me sing when your radio doesn't work, and -"
Car, "Hey, stick your fingers in my tape player, and see what happens!"
Me, "I'm not falling for that."
Car, "Yeah - for once."
Me, "POS."
Car, "Balding aging future alcoholic manager of BK."
Me, *long long pause* "I'm sorry - what?"
Car, "Yeah, bitch. Please."

- beckyincharge
  • Current Music
    dead from laughter