August 5th, 2004

(no subject)

crantz:


Further conversations with my mother:

"So, is dad still gonna go through with his pool party for his office idea?"
"That reminds me. I need to get a wood chipper."

On that note, I'm working on my alibi list.

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    awake
dancing indigo

Phone Wrath!

"*hates with the acidity of a thousand refluxing stomachs*

I've applied for a waiver of this thoroughly incomprehensible and...on a certain intrinsic level...downright insulting bit of company policy. The very nice customer service rep with whom I spoke said that waiver applications are rare and approvals are even more rare. Too smeggin' bad. If Cingular doesn't approve my very reasonable request of a waiver they're going to hear from me on a daily basis. I will weasel some special number out of a harangued and beaten customer rep and I will call it Every.Day. until some piece of ragged corporate slime relents and/or ends up waking up in tears after dreaming of yet another call from me. *rubs hands together in anticipation of license for relentlessness*

Part of me wants them to deny my oh-so-reasonable-and-justified request just so that I can fight it. Just thinking about it makes a wee amount of adrenaline surge and my breath quicken.
"

--unanon on the fact that she has relatives in Mexico, but her cellphone company has a policy of no international calls for at least six months after you start your service with them.

From a locked entry, permission given to share quote.
cause it's funny
  • evyg

*sporfle*

taken from the comments section to this (very serious) post by edeainfj on separate proms for blacks and whites in a Mississippi high school:

merrymeerkat:
You're not kidding? What about people of *gasp* mixed races? They can only stay for half of each one?
cularien wonders:
What do they do with interacial gay couples? Do they like have a TOTALLY separate prom for them?
immovablemover suggests:
I don't think proms should be co-ed. I think they should have one for boys, and one for girls.
beehner agrees:
I like your way of thinking. There will be no mixing of gender-cooties.
fullstop

not about penis *or* gay animals!

it might be funnier in context but this had me giggling:

Quick update from mom's house.

Living alone rules. I thought maybe I'd miss mom's house a little bit simply because I'd been there so long. Well, that turned out to be total bullshit. The only thing I missed was the internet.


and,

Work has been sucking less than normal. They hired some new cashiers a couple weeks ago who are cool, so I hang out with them. And I found out that Joe is actually pretty cool; the other day he was trying on ladies' nightgowns.

Did you know they made a bra sized 56 G?
Holy SHIT that is a big bra. In the words of Joe, they're for people with boobs "like garbage bags full of cottage cheese." Nice visual there. *gag*
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    jubilant heh.
gaudior

(no subject)

stakebait asks, ever feel like the universe owed you an apology?

Tonight I got mine.

About an hour ago the phone rang. I answered, and a woman said "I'm sorry about that" and hung up.

I have no idea what "that" was, and I don't believe I've ever spoken to her before in my life. But I'm feeling a little better, even so.
gaudior

(no subject)

zeret18 is having an interesting visit with her father, his friend, her girlfriend, and the docent of an antique LA carriage-house...

‘This particular carriage,’ Kathleen announced, ‘Is known as ‘The Victoria.’ It is one of the most elegant of all carriages and it was extremely popular among well-to-do families. It is thought that the design originated in England in the middle of the 19th century. ’ Kathleen curved her fingers into quote marks, ‘ The Victoria could be horsed by either a single or a pair. It has only one seat for two passengers, often a man and a woman. Ah, but wait, I see a pair of two such individuals now.’ Kathleen held out one enormous hand and beckoned to my father, ‘Come sir, your carriage awaits.’

‘Oh, no,’ my father said, ‘No, I-‘

‘Climb aboard,’ Kathleen insisted. My father stepped into the vehicle and sat down. The carriage heaved unsteadily under his weight.

‘Ma’lady?’ Kathleen gestured toward K.C. I snorted, and K.C., who, despite her amazing breasts, shoulder length hair, and silver hoop earrings, is routinely mistaken for a man (and quite happy about it), looked pained. Obediently, she climbed into the carriage.

‘Ahhh,’ Kathleen ejaculated, ‘Isn’t that a sight. What a happy couple.’ I locked eyes with my girlfriend.

‘You will pay,’ she mouthed.

You want to read the whole thing.
Anthy - Wing
  • elaby

The sex ed of dreams

The always-incredible caitirin_dj comments on a very strange Harry Potter dream I had. Then hak42 responded with typical creativity.

elaby - I can't figure out WHERE they come from O.o

caitirin - you see... when a plot bunny and your subconscious love each other very much and they want to express that love in a special way... They screw each other into the floor and you get bizarre dreams ^_^

hak42 - I'm picturing little animated screws with arms and faces, one of them has bunny ears. One of them takes a giant screwdriver and reach over and screws the other into a wooden floor, then the other one reaches up and takes the screwdriver to screw in the first.

From this post.

Lalala.

It's a sunny day, the trees are green, children are playing happily on the playstructure and in the fountains, people are out walking their dogs, socializing, and there's a house on fire.

It was actually very scenic.


--crantz
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    amused amused
digital dream, we're all cyborgs here

bra straps

saffronjan writes here:

"I am wearing a bra today that has bad habits. Its straps are attached by clips in some completely ineffective fashion-- they are meant to be easily removed, so as to make the garment a strapless bra, but they're all too easily removed, and occasionally just unhook themselves of their own accord. They then dangle down, and if I am wearing a shirt that is short enough, it hangs down like a, like a dangly thing, like some sort of mutant bra tentacle, reaching for the waistband of my jeans. Why? Victoria, is this what you were trying to keep a secret from me? Very funny, Vic.

I didn't realize that the bra I grabbed out of my closet was the dangle-prone one until I was out in the midst of my errands. At first, I tried fixing the damn thing in the middle of the door and window aisle at Home Depot, but when I figured out that I couldn't do much without making a complete ass out of myself, I settled for tucking the dangly into my pants and making do with that.

In the back of my mind all through my errands was the niggling fear that my bra would rebel. Makes one cranky, I tell you. By around 2 pm I felt little-kid petulant. I felt like sticking my tongue out at the whole world, and I almost did just that, until it struck me that if I stood in the middle of the tape-measure aisle at Home Depot with my tongue sticking out I would just look like a lesbian with a hard-on. No one who caught sight of me would likely register any of my minor distress. They'd just, er, quickly avert their eyes."
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    NoArtist: Tori_Amos-Siren
Agrippa
  • shezan

(no subject)

From mirabellawotr

So I see that Ralph Fiennes has been confirmed to play Voldemort in GoF.

Rowling, Rowling, Rowling. See, you can either cast Jason Isaac, Alan Rickman, and Joseph Fiennes as Slytherins and/or the Face of Evil, or you can bitch about not understanding why people fangirl your evil characters. You cannot do both. If you had cast said evil characters with Danny DeVito, Rush Limbaugh, and Slash from Guns 'N' Roses, you would not be having this difficulty. Next you will be casting Harrison Ford as Barty Crouch Sr. and Josh Hartnett as the Nott kid, and the worldwide conversion to Slytherin House will be complete.
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    amused amused