August 2nd, 2004

Ahh Heh Heh Well Er...

On the dangers of writing good porn with a limited vocabulary...

I think I dread the thought of being caught in the middle of writing a truly epic piece of decent "serious" erotica only to find that I have run out of eloquent, appropriate euphemisms and have to resort to such mood-breaking terms as "one-eyed willy" or, gods forbid, ever having to use the term "turgid." I'm not certain I could live with myself after that.

-- envoy
one ring?


phoenixchilde on Friday afternoons:

"I was so punchy by the end of my shift that I started leaving notes on the incomplete TK files in haiku form.

The fifteenth of March
upsets the natural balance:
time sheets do not match.

A brown vine uncurls,
straining upward toward the sun:
not enough leave time.

May fourteenth, '04 -
were you here or were you not?
Send a damn leave card.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
dancing squirrelly


pinion on the recent problems with the Neopets website-posted in the neopianrants community:

Saying Neopets won't be down for maintenance is like in a soap opera when they say 'Nothing could spoil this moment' and boom, suddenly your fiance's secret husband shows up with a machete.

(Locked entry, with permission)
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    aggravated aggravated
Joyful Eliza

(no subject)

From iykwim:

I was just chatting on MSN with one of my friends who is in Pretoria, South Africa right now with our choir... allow me to paraphrase:

Me: So what'd you guys do today?

RK: We sang at an elementary school in Soweto! The children welcomed us in the streets singing! What an amazing musical and life changing experience it was! What'd you do?

Me: I saw a guy peeing out in front of the Macs, so I went somewhere else to get a slurpee.
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    amused amused
  • lyme

(no subject)

windbringer1 ponders why people have sex with the lights out in this post, to which kanonole responds with:

I suspect it's one of those silly Puritan things. I mean, heaven forbid you should see someone of the opposite sex naked! Even if you are having intercourse with them.

It doesn't make sense. "OK, dear, I'm ready. Just hold on a sec while I get the light so we can't see what we're doing. I'll echolocate my way to your genitalia."
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    amused amused
[c] hark! a vagrant! - eat a dick
  • renne

Community: selfquotes

[If this post is against the rules, _redpanda_, feel free to delete or ask me to delete and I will. No problems. :)]

The quote from cimness reminded me that I'd made the community selfquotes the other day because there was a few people on my flist - myself definitely included - who were sick of people self-quoting themselves in this community. But then I forgot I made it and chased some butterflies instead.

ANYWAY, I created selfquotes, where people who think they've brought the funny can share it with the world. There's nothing wrong with finding something you've posted amusing and wanting to share it with the world. Now you can at selfquotes and no-one can get cranky at you for it. :) [Yes, I'll pretty up the info a bit and make a shiny icon. Patience, precious!]
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    calm calm
SPN impala highway 2 nowhere

sleep__allday on the price of college....

YAY, my pop is wiring me some money tomorrow. i'll be able to pay my rent on time, as well as pay for school before they drop me from my classes. i don't even want to THINK about buying books. *cringe* the government loves to rape young people out of every cent they have. i'm convinced.
From a friends-locked post, with permission
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(no subject)

oberongieger imagines a game developers' meeting in this post.

Walter: "You know what the problem with the gaming industry is these days, Alan? People have gotten lazy. Every time they want something to happen, they just hit a button. Wanna shoot a guy in the face? Push a button. Wanna make a dude jump? Push a button. Slam on the brakes of your car? Hit the button. Do a combat roll? Button. It's all about buttons, always with the buttons."

Alan: "They are pretty useful."

Walter: "Well now I stand up and say to you, no more! We will not be a party to the downfall of this industry at the hands of a button-crazed user base. Look to your history, god dammit. Did Centipede need a button?"

Alan: "Yeah, the 'fire' button."

Walter: "You shut your fucking mouth. Did Pac-Man need a button? Did Adventure need a button? Did Custer's Revenge need a button? Did, uh... Ms. Pac-Man need a button? Fuck no. Buttons are the past and we are the future. I ask you now to look to your controllers, see the direction they are taking and embrace destiny."
  • Current Music
    Button, button, who's got the button
Neener Neener -- art by Lisa Andresen

(no subject)

The ubiquitous apocalypsos, in a post referencing ithurtsmybrain:

I think my brain is broken. I say this because though I'm on the Kerry/Edwards mailing list and I get those "Go, team, go!" emails all the damn time, my Windows Messenger popped up saying "You have an email from John Kerry" just now, and my immediate reaction was to just hope and pray the contents didn't say, "Ooo! Dibs on Inspector Gadget/Kolchak the Night Stalker for this round of the Pairing List!"
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    amused amused

So Come and Dance With Me, Michael.

My love rainbowdarling. Locked entry, used with permission.

... Why doesn't my mom listen to me? I mean, it's not really that hard to understand: We bought 10 ears of corn. The plan was to cook five the other night, and wrap the other five in wax paper, put them into freezer bags, and freeze them until we wanted to eat them. I came home, and found all ten ears of corn cooked. "Well, we can freeze them already cooked," she says. And then she threw them out today. WTF?
  • Current Music
    "Michael," Franz Ferdinand.