July 29th, 2004

britta guns - shelightsupwell

(no subject)

Randy is 33. HE NEEDS TO STOP HITTING ON 17 YEAR OLDS - especially since he's freggin getting married (I know, I know, WHO would marry RANDY?!). Said I looked hot today (it'd be one thing if he was just kidding, but he does it in a pathetic nerd "Ive been working at BK" for over 10 years" way), and I tolerated it all five or six times, and the wolf whistles, but when he touched my hair I picked up the onion chopper and threatened to cram it into his face. He thought I was kidding. I was not. You. Don't. Touch. The Hair.

- beckyincharge
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loopy smiley

King Arthur + horses = comedy gold

Am quoting my own LJ, but it's really my friends' quotes that I want to highlight:

In a case of 'one thing led to another', me bombarding her with pics of Ioan and Clive at the Tokyo premiere of King Arthur brought out the idea of an RPS fic with them in a that famous Japanese institution: the Love Hotel.

yasminm: THERE'S A LOVE HOTEL WITH A MERRY-GO-ROUND.
yasminm: They can re-enact King Arthur! *dies*

- from here.

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    amused amused
springtime the pony

(no subject)

spectacular makes a list of ten livejournal resolutions. The Funny starts with her icon and goes on from there.

Sample:

3. Hi. My name's Kayleigh. It's not actually Koy or Koyuuno or Kay. It's Kayleigh and I need to stop having a problem with that. Even if it does sound like some blonde disgrace-to-humanity cheerleader's name. All it needs is a -Anne or -May. But guess what? I did want to be a cheerleader at one point (yes right after Bring It On; how'd you know?), and in someone's perspective somewhere, probably not too far off, probably right on my own friend list, I AM a disgrace to humanity. And that's fine. So. You can call me Kayleigh. Really.

As usual, the comments are equally awesome, and include:

lmblackjack21: I STILL WANT YOUR BABIES. I mean... ...*ahem*...

spectacular: I WILL NEVER EVER HAVE TO ACTUALLY GIVE BIRTH MYSELF WITH YOU AROUND. *Blows kisses.*
Whuh Huh?!

(no subject)

About a public showing of the three LOTR films, upon finding that #3 is no longer on the schedule:

So the trilogy is now a...dulogy? Something like that, a double bill, sans finale. Oh well. [....] Except today when I ring up to get my ROTK tickets refunded, I get told it's all off. The whole thing. The trilogy that was a double billogy is now a not actually happening at all I'm afraid-ology.

-- pinion
Film - The Old Guard

(no subject)

From jean_prouvaire, on her scandalous Michael Wincott/Ralph Fiennes RPS:

"(Though sadly, it does not feature Ralph Fiennes wearing a Che Guevara jacket and shrieking "BaAaAaAlLlLlLs!!!1!!1!!1" But you have no clue how much money I would pay to see that.)"

(It's funnier if you know us personally, because there's a certain individual in our lives who wears and says exactly that, but it's funny anyway. You're just lying if you say that the word "BaAaAaAlLlLlLs!!!1!!1!!1" does not make you chuckle at least a little bit.)
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tea - by fireriven

(no subject)

Courtesy of mice and wal_lace, the list of rules you might find on the refrigerator at Xavier's.

2) In the event of a heat wave, power outage, etc, Bobby Drake is not to be used as your personal cooling system.
2a)(Unless you dare to bare!)
2b) Always ignore the added ravings of the frozen lunatic.

6) The picture of Professor Xavier above the stove is there - encased with heat proof glass - for a reason. If you think something might be a bad idea, just glance at his kindly disapproving eyes, as if they were saying, "Don't go there, girlfriend" and rethink it.
6a) No, it's not your imagination. They do move.

18) If it is morning and it is a song you are singing and you know for a fact that none of us are deaf, there will be consequences. I can't think of any right now because it's morning and someone is singing and the coffee isn't done yet.
18a) Had coffee. Will pour coffee down your pants if you sing.
18b) Decaf. Caffienated coffee is too good for you.
18c) ...oh...oh god, are you singing songs from "Oklahoma"? Why, why would you do that? Why are you doing it? Why do you persist on doing that? Why is the decaf coffee taking so long to make?

Read the rest here.
SilmGeek

(no subject)

About a kid who keeps trying to use lordoftherings to beg for teenie relationship advice (slightly edited for quotage):

msmongi: Clearly lijs_lil_star should have put it like this: "Aragorn and Arwen have known each other for a long time. They aren't dating, but Aragorn tells Arwen that he wants to be with her. A few days later Aragorn tells Arwen that they are only friends. So is he just yanking her chain or was he practicing what he wanted to say to Legolas?"

zozma: Hee! I would have responded to her initial question thusly: "Well, Rosie, if Sam disappears from the Shire in the next few weeks to go on a long, seemingly hopeless quest, then if he survives to return, I'd say you still have a chance. Otherwise, chain-yanking, yea verily."



Slightly adapted from a Futurama quote, but damn it works...

Screw Fanfiction.net! I'm going to make my own fanfiction archive! With blackjack, and hookers!

Hell, forget the fanfiction!

-- dawnswalker
digitized worldview

(no subject)

A review of Da Vinci Code by elethe

"The best line so far - 'hero' Robert Langdon talking to his editor: Did you send one to the curator of the Paris Louvre?
To which the correct response should have been: Yes. And the Albuquerque Louvre as well - I sent one to all the Louvres just in case I got the wrong one."

"In fact anyone on my flist with anyone else on my flist would make a better crime fighting team than the one in The Da Vinci code."
Starscream

(no subject)

On the possibility that Steven Spielberg will be on the team that makes the live-action Transformers movie that'll be released in 2006...

"Am I the only one who doesn't want Spielberg messing with the Transformers? Of course Megatron won't turn into a gun, he'll turn into a walkie talkie and be voiced by Tom Hanks."

jackfrost here in cybertron
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and there is death

It's always good to know our government is prepared.

Okay, so I'm sort of quoting myself, but it's cellardoor28's comments I actually want to post.

The British Government is currently distributing quickly-parodied information about what to do in the event of a terrorist attack, and in this post in my journal:

'cellardoor28: i was actually asked by our financial controller to draw up a list of duties i perform that noone else can do so that we are covered in the event of 'an emergency'.

cos god knows if there is a terrorist attack there would be a crisis if the london theatre guide didnt go out on time...

jacinthsong: *cracks up*

"Radioactive waste filling the streets! Buildings collapsing! Everyone I know and love dropping like flies! I should stay safe inside - BUT NO, Hamlet is on at the RSC!"

cellardoor28: "my face is burning off!! the whole of london is crashing to the ground!!! but wait! its all going to be ok because we will rock you is still going strong!"

for some reason, they didnt see the funny in this.'
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    Tori Amos - Purple People
beaker

The plot, like a well-made rabbit stew, thickens....

From the lovely and delightfully snarky naamah_darling, here-ish:

For the past week, I have been suffering from mysterious wounds. Every couple of days, I get a new cut either running up my palm or on my fingertip. Always on the left hand. You know, the one that mythically speaking leads to the heart. Whatever's doing it must be very sharp, because I only feel it later when it becomes painful and begins to bleed. I always notice them first thing in the morning, after I get up. An investigation of the toilet and my chair, the first two things I touch, has revealed no sharp edges whatsoever. This has led me to conclude that the cuts must be occurring as I sleep.

Which means Mr. Bunnsley is at fault.

Are we on the same page, here? The stuffed rabbit I sleep with is slitting open my hand at night and feeding on the blood.


Read all the comments, too. So worthy.
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    eeeeeevil!
POTC - Captain Jack - Pirate

(no subject)

My friend punchdrunkgnome wishes he could be where his girlfriend is:
Amber is with friends tonight at the Daily Show taping on Boston University campus. I so fucking happy that she's there, and I am not jealous at all. Not at all. Not even a little bit. And now I will go express my non-jealousy happiness at her good fortune by hugging every kitten in our neighborhood until they die.

(For the truly concerned among you, there aren't very many kittens in our neighborhood...)

(no subject)

Working with you is like having the life force sucked right out of my body. And not in a sexy Anne Rice kind of way, like being overwhelmed by an irresistible force & having oblivion stretch out its sweet hands to welcome me. No, working with you is like having my life force sucked out by the phone company. It's like I have to call you up & then be told that I have to call residential soul-sucking at a completely different number, then call them, then spend half an hour stabbing at buttons on my phone to schedule an appointment to have my life force sucked out sometime between 8 am & 4 am the following day & I can't go to Starbucks because I have to stay in my cubicle the whole time & wait for you. And then when you do come by you screw it up & suck out not only my life force but also that of the people in the cubicles around me. And you leave it screwed up so from then on my soul is staticky all the time.

--vito_excalibur, from a locked post with permission