July 21st, 2004

obey thy heart
  • kaneta

(no subject)

sclerotic_rings in customers_suck, in comments to this post
"All told, this is why I refer to the original Dawn of the Dead as the best documentary about Dallas ever made: the whole goddamn city is rotten with shopping malls, and the only way you can tell the difference between clips from the film and live video feeds from these malls is that the zombies in the film were in makeup."
like fabulous yellow roman candles

(no subject)

cindyjade on cooking (locked post, but reposted with permission):
monsta cooking lesson #673523452
- fill pan w/ water
- insert eggs
- turn on burner thingie
- go do other things (read, shower, play w/ kitties, wank, nap --- not necessarily in that order)
- forget about eggs
- get hungry
- make popcorn!
- eat half of bag
- remember eggs!
- stare at smoking waterless pan
- retrieve eggs
- attempt wash pan
- wave hands to disperse smoke
- remove BURNT shell
- cut out burnt sections
- add mayo and mustard
- pastede on bread
- enjoy sammich
- have tummy ache

moral of story: KITCHEN BAD EVAL PLACE I NOT GO THERE AGAIN
merchgirl

(no subject)

from glittersavvy:

Sam: Ooo, did you get my nail polish remover?
Mum: Yes, well, I got two, I got the one you said, but it wasn't that nice, so I picked another one too...
Sam: Oh?
Mum: Yeah, you said the nice fragrant vanilla type one, but I don't know, I sniffed it -
Sam: You sniffed it?
Mum: Yeah.
Sam: You like, opened it up, and sniffed it? Like, *solvent-snort-mime*
Mum: Yeah, and it wasn't too nice, so I found a fruity one and sniffed that instead, and I liked that, so I got both.
Sam: YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SNIFF IT YOU JUNKIE




glass_houses asks why she's hearing strange sounds from her computer from out of nowhere.

chelseysuzie replies :

It's the Gnomes. Sometimes they have little parties around your hard drive and play music.

I suggest getting some Gnome-B-Gone.
lava lamp

(no subject)

moths, in this entry

I know that the Apple corporation cares deeply for me as a person. Unlike Microsoft, which can replace dead users with cloned middle-managers, Apple can not afford to lose any of its 3% of the market. In an effort to help them, I would like to propose a new feature for the next release of their iTunes program.

Last night I was experiencing a matrix of related and unpleasant emotions, ranging from downright sadness to bitter rage. As part of my syndrome I played Elvis Costello's "Lipstick Vogue" repeatedly. Thanks to iTunes I know just how many "spins" I gave it: 19. Nineteen in a row. That is not a healthy behavior, even for the most dedicated EC fan.

So what I'm proposing is a feature that will monitor heavily repeated songs, especially songs played more than ten times after midnight. When iTunes sees this happening, a little window will pop up and ask you if you're doing alright and if you'd like to talk to someone. At this point, if you're connected to the internet, it will dial up a suicide prevention hotline and allow an operator to see what song you've been listening to over and over again like a maniac. If it's a party song the operator will leave you alone. If it's "Lipstick Vogue" they will come on through your iTunes program and try to talk you down from the ledge where you're admiring the gleam of a razor blade against the pale skin of your vulnerable wrist as you weep uncontrolably.

Would Bill Gates try to make you feel better? No he would not. Would that Linux penguin give two shits about whether you were happy? The penguin is a cartoon face meant to hide the fact that a bunch of lonely haquors programmed an operating system in the 70s that has become a faceless, self-sustaining automaton. Steve Jobs honestly cares. That crunchy little apple on all those computers is a symbol of better times. It's a special treat from Aunt Bea who knew that you just couldn't wait for her to bake that apple pie, so she gave you a little sweet one to tide you over and get you out of the kitchen. iTunes cares, and with a little extra code it could easily become the best friend you've ever had.
mammen

(no subject)

(My thanks go firstly to roxx for finding and posting this in her journal today.)

User: owlihotornot

Name: too many ratings communities, not enough owls

About: This is a community devoted to celebrating the inherant hotness of owls in a facetious vaguely postmodern way and in such a manner that the RSPCA would approve of.

Also because owls are better than pretentious looking young teenage girls in badly-lit photos.
  • Current Mood
    nervous nervous
trench

Much funnier than the XTC version.

devildoll's prayer, FF.net-style

dear god (part 7/?)

(this probably suxx0rs because i prayed it really fast when i was bored but i don't care. i never got any respsonse to the first 6 prayers i sent you SO PLEASE READ THEM AND LET ME KNOW WHAT U THINK OR I WON'T PRAY ANYMORE!!11)


Read the whole thing here. Hilarious.

*wants to be a unicron, too*
  • Current Mood
    pious
I am unreasonable

(no subject)

From this post:

I keep seeing this. 'do guys like this? Do guys prefer this over that?'

The answer is: There's no answer to those questions. Guys are people, not identical paper dolls, and each one is different. Ask ten guys what their favourite thing to have done in bed is and you'll probably get 15 different answers. Some like blowjobs. Some think handjobs are way better. Others would prefer to be tied down and have their nipples bitten by a girl in a skirt and cat ears. Everyone's different. If you want to know what a particular guy likes, try asking him. It's so crazy it just might work.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
agent may is unimpressed

On living with grandparents

I've started thinking that, once I move out, I'm going to write my grandparents some informative pamphlets:

--Household Tips: Just Because You Didn't See Me Take the Trash Out Doesn't Mean I Didn't
--Modern Culture I: Not All Anime Is Pokemon
--Modern Culture II: Not All Anime Is Porn
--Social Norms I: My Male Friends Are Not Out to Rape Me
--Social Norms II: The Dinner Table Is Not the Proper Place for Scholastic Lectures on the Holy Roman Empire
--Fashion: Yes, I DO Plan to Wear This Out of the House
--Guinea Pigs: Why It's Bad to Feed Them Raw Meat
--Personal Life: If You Don't Like Hearing About It, Stop Asking Me About It
--Growing Up: Calm Down, My Rebellious Streak Is Over
--Communication: I Can't Hear You from Upstairs


--princesskraehe

Yeah, me again.

You think you know fear?

Listen to me and listen well.

You haven't known fear until you've been stuck on the phone with a crazy, screaming, enraged, middle-aged black woman somewhere in Mississippi who's threatening to sue you because you called the wrong number.

That, my friends, is fear.


baelarion, here.