Metaquotes

"My Best Friend is our lord and saviour Jesus Christ
Our 9 common interests are: being god incarnate, catholic tastes, crucifixion, england, george clooney, not being best friends with you because you suck, whores, salvation, sandals" - wheeler

I'm Catholic and go to church every Sunday and listen to satanic songs and dress in black and kill things on my computer. I'm a wonderful, well-rounded individual.

From the Journal of crazylike_afox, with permission:

Saw I, Robot today. It was pretty good. Better than I expected anyways. Still, I would never get a robot. I don't even trust automatic toliets for Christ's sake.

"I love Sentinels because they're such a crazy idea. It's like if, in the seventies, the U.S. Government decided that a certain minority was a dangerous menace to society and decided to wipe them out with GIANT DEATH ROBOTS. What a brilliant idea! Just imagine BOYZ IN THE HOOD with giant death robots in it! ROOTS - with GIANT DEATH ROBOTS! AMERICAN HISTORY X - with added GIANT DEATH ROBOTS! I think any film concerning racism and race issues in modern times would be improved immensely by the addition of giant death robots. Imagine how much better ROMPER STOMPER would have been if all the neo-nazis rode mechanical lions that turned into Voltron. Now THAT would have been a fucking film." -- nicklocking, here.



"I was assuming that Ridge's harebrained scheme was to repeat the success of transferring Iraqi power two days early, and have...wait for it...

SURPRISE ELECTIONS!

Could it be November 3, only a day after the original date? September 11, to cash in on patriotic sentiment? December 25, so Santa can't vote for Kerry? YOU DON'T KNOW!" -- jim_smith, here.

This, my friends, is a difficult post to write.

No, no... not what you're probably thinking. cyan_blue and I didn't get into a fight or anything. I didn't have some huge blow to my ego involving seventeen gallons of premium vegetable oil, the Swedish Women's Olympic Swimming Team, and Pee Wee Herman.

What I did do, which makes this, quite literally, hard to write: I lost my glasses in Morro Bay. In the bay itself.

--emmett_the_sane

ok im metaquoting myself because this struck me funny.

from me, joshualore, a convo between me and deftera

deftera [3:33 AM]: getting rusty with my ljhtml
joshualore [3:33 AM]: lol
deftera [3:33 AM]: had to tweak my SOTD post like 4 times
joshualore [3:34 AM]: when you forget lj code.. you need to lose that life you found
deftera [3:34 AM]: lol
deftera [3:34 AM]: but I <3 RL!
deftera [3:34 AM]: actually I don't
deftera [3:35 AM]: I wish I was a dog or something
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I found it funny? lol

From gwyneira:

I was listening to Queen the other day and thinking that life with a toddler so far has been like a succession of Queen theme songs: from "I'm Going Slightly Mad" (the postnatal period) through "Radio Ga Ga" (the babbling period) to "I Want It All" (the toddler period - "I want it all and I want it now").

I hope he switches bands before we get to, say, "Bohemian Rhapsody."

copperbadge posted a mini-rant about museum security people here, saying especially that he'd been told to stop sketching in the museum. lupainfabula in response, here:

Come clean: were you using the crayon's flash feature? You know how that can fade the paint.

Maybe the museum guard thought that by sketching the artwork, you were stealing a little piece of its soul.

EDIT: Because I'm a moron and didn't notice the linked post was friendslocked, I added a brief description and removed the link. Apologies.

From jencendiary, in a friends-only post in bad_rpers_suck, commenting on the discussion involving various hypotheses on the mental derangements of a girl who plays an oversexed, ultra-slutty gay version of Haldir who's apparently fond of purple ribbed condoms in a LOTR-based RPG:

When I was a little girl, we didn't have any fancy DSM manual. We just chased these people to the end of the village and beat them with rocks and sticks.

it's one of those days...when you get spam with the subject like "alien tentacle sex" and you need to open it to be sure it isn't from a friend.  -cmshaw

mirabellawotr says: "I have decided that I was Eowyn in a former life... Things I anticipate some difficulty in convincing my boss, colleagues, and students of:"

1. During conferences and the travel thereto, everyone must address me as Dernhelm. If they have trouble remembering the name, they can feel free to address me in the loose English translation of "That chick who's feeling really pissy about this whole thing and thinks the optimal outcome would be for us all to just DIE," but "Dernhelm" will fit better on a nametag.



2. In accordance with #1, the next time I point my rolled-up poster in the direction of my assigned poster session and scream "DEEEEEAAAAATH!" at the top of my lungs in the middle of the hotel lobby, Security shall not come and escort me out of the building.



3. My petition to the President's Office to have the university graveyard landscaped with simbelmyne should be granted without delay.



4. When That One Guy Who Borrows Journals And Never Brings Them Back asks for one of mine, it is okay for me to address him as "foul dwimmerlake" and threaten to smite him.



5. Purchasing a hobbit of my very own is an appropriate use of federal grant monies.

...and more, here!

I want him to call when he says he’ll call, and cook her breakfast, and bring her daffodils. I want her to buy a new dress, in a color she’s never worn before, and wear it for him. Oh My God, they have matching messenger bags.

Warning: Not funny, but inspiring. Whole thing, plzkthx.

Anyway, then I got a comment in my inbox about how I should really write some Alex Trebek/Ken Jennings, which seemed, at dinner with my grandparents, the best idea ever. I figured Alex Trebek would have to say everything in bed in the form of an answer, and would thus make Ken Jennings, through force of habit, respond to everything in the form of a question. Thus the dialogue would follow as something like this:

Alex Trebek: The answer is, it's what you're doing to me right now.

Ken Jennings: What is 'fellatio?'

Sadly, I can't write this and ever speak to myself again, and as speaking to myself constitutes ninety per cent of my daily conversation, I'd hate to alienate myself from myself like that. The tragedy would be too great.

-- ladyjaida on RPS.

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Full post here by gentleman_lech.

Typically, I think any feedback is good feedback, even if it's just "hi I read this", but I've just recieved my dumbest review to date.

Ok im goin 2 pull a simon "I absolutly h8ed it." Srry but i don't get it. It has no point. And heres a little tip 4u. Using the "F" word does not make ur story good. It shows ur lack in vocabulary skills.

Hehe. I love the ironic criticism of my lack of vocabulary skills.

Anyway, I think my point is, die. --blackgarden with permission.

From sirriamnis - taken with permisson...


Today's Lesson: Learning good things from bad people.
Basically, I think you can learn something from everyone who enters your life, if you’re paying attention. And I don't mean that in a Chicken-Soup-for-the-soul, homilies, bullshit sort of way that everything you learn will be positive. But you should learn something, even if the lessons are nothing more than, "Never trust the criminally insane," "Psychotropics and alcohol do not mix," or "They probably don't call your mechanic 'Fast Eddie' for his driving skills, get a second opinion before you wind up spending $400 to replace your car’s ‘frobbingratz’."

Bit of Backstory:

Someone asked me if the [alleged] Jack Black Green Lantern had been put into production yet. I went to IMDB and searched. All I got back was an actor named John Stewart who is also an opera singer.

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From the ever-quotable vyviane

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From this thread in bad_rpers_suck.

wearejustducky rants about television gone wrong:

Network executives seem to have no grasp of the storytelling process. They don't care that Farscape ended with a cliffhanger, that Wonderfalls had a finished, self-contained 13 ep arc, that Firefly had barely gotten wound up. They are doing us a disservice. They want our money and our eyeballs, but they don't want to give us anything but absolute crap in return, and they want to be able to throw that crap into the schedule any which way they can, without regard to story or vision or creative design That shrugging of the shoulders, that "eh, at least we got something", that upsets me, because it leads the networks to believe that we'll put up with this crap! If everyone had taken that approach, there would be no Farscape miniseries. There would be no Wonderfalls DVD set (Christmas 04, people! Start making your lists for Santa now!), hell, there would be no FIREFLY dvd set, and sure ashell there would be no movie.

linky

I'm leaving tomorrow morning [from China]. Maybe forever. The light knows I've never gone back to anywhere else. I'll miss that rug over there. And that trash can, too. Ugh, I'd better stop lest I end up tearfully hugging the toilet or something. I will miss that toilet, tho. It has a very unique flush mechanism.

* * *

Found on xayim's journal.

by happynoodlehead in this about her [eventual] new pet dove "Chicken"

I told my Dad about Chicken today, and he was cool with it. He gave me the whole "as long as you clean up after it" speil. That was kinda funny. I think he has memories of the messy rabbit. All rodents make pretty terrible messes very quickly. Birds make messes but they usually consist more of feathers and food around the cage instead of feces behind the couch.

"I think I might be kinda high...geez thats sad I got high off Febreeze"
scarredsoul82, here

"Most Moral High Ground is Landfill."
-yetanotherbob, said to me in the car as we went to go pick up a friend of his.

Then earlier, my Mom, when I qouted Ken McCay in the VMR theory by Robert M. Frezza. ("As I understand it, Hell is place where there's no God, and Bureacy works the way it's intended.") replies:
"Well it should work the way its intended, then we have a working goverment."

quoted, with permission, from photosexual

...while I was sticking chicken McNuggets in my face, I saw the informative statement "made with WHITE MEAT" on the box. I started to think "yeah, but they didn't say CHICKEN meat, now did they? what exactly IS this?" and they also didn't mention whether the meat started out white - and was then bleached or modified to be white, so that whatever it was, it truly conformed to the color spectrum of 'white' by human eyeball standards.

So I can't be sure what it was, but it was sold and advertised as chicken.

Now onto other things. I forgot just how much I love that sharp smell of crayons. Crayons are the tricky; they have a smell but they don't have a taste. That's probably why toddlers prefer glue. Back in Kindergarten you could tell who was going to be the future junkies because they liked using the markers rather than crayons. Then they came out with those markers that smelled good. "Hmmmmm, this marker smells like grape...wow, was that wall always tie-dyed? SPIDERS! They're all over me...me...I gotta go to the cafeteria and get a spoon...anyone got a lighter?" When I was in tenth grade (I think it was tenth) our high school cafeteria got rid of our metal forks and spoons and started giving us plastic spoons and forks wrapped in cellophane. So along with the gray walls and unruly looks on the lunch ladies' faces, the plastic spoons and forks completed the prison motif. I'm not entirely sure why I just mentioned this. Maybe it pissed me off more than I thought.

-from the ever quotable, and quite insane jcp9382, here.

So I walked into this restaurant this lunchtime, and someone at the next table was gesturing away, and saying, "So I had this dream where Christ turned out to be a lion."

So I thought, "Well, hey, Narnia overdose, so what?"

But she carried on gesticulating and added, "No, wait- what I mean is - what's that - seal - no - sea- lion, that's it!"

I thought I was one of only two people in Manchester whose brains produce LSD naturally, but seems there are actually three of us.

-ajhalluk, found here