From a Locked post, with permission. limyaael on Swinburne:
Because it is all about the Victorian sadomasochistic goddess-worshipping true-love-hating lesbian bixexual pantheistic atheistic Christian-bashing Pan-worshipping necrophiliac poetry.
From demonesque's livejournal...
Quote of the day:From conservatism
"It takes a special kind of senator to attack others over a vote that they don't show up for."
A Bush campaign aid responding to remarks made by Senator John Edwards on the Marriage Protection Amendment, a vote that neither he or Senator Kerry showed up for. They were the only Senators in absence.
kalijean: Wow. High school will be a special time for your son.
EDIT: mwells wins the comment prize with, "So you named your son after the fanciest liquor under your bathroom sink."
-in northcarolina, and let me say, the whole debacle makes my head hurt
"6AM: Aren't I pretty?
ME: Hell. Fucking. NO. Hate you. GO FUCK YOURSELF MIGHTILY WITH THINE FORK, BITCH.
UTERUS: *be's evil*
ME: Oh God why have you forsaken me!!?
GOD: No no, I'm still here. Eh, sorry, that whole sin thing made me curse women with birthing pain… not sure why I picked THAT of all things. I mean, I could have gone with monthly left-elbow pain or something, but nooo, I made their reproductive organs evil… I mean seriously, what on earth was I thinking of? Haha! Labor. I'm so silly sometimes.
ME: But I'm not giving birth! Why this whole monthly business? ANSWER ME. *cries*
GOD: Oh… yeah, uh, sorry about that. Guess I wasn't too clear on the details… reproductive organs are pretty sneaky bastards.
UTERUS: *EVIL EVIL EVIL*"
I feel her pain... for real. Cramps are bitch. ~steals some of her pills and runs~
Scene from lunch today.
Waitress: What can I get for you, sir?
Me: I’ll have the double shrimp pasta.
Waitress: Soup or salad with that?
Me: Soup of the day.
Waitress: You can’t have that.
Me: Um… huh?
Waitress: I heard you saying to your friend that you’re not into Atkins and the soup is considered an Atkins-friendly dish.
Me: *blinks* You have lost me with your insane troll logic
Oh, I get it now! I hate Atkins and the soup was Atkins-friendly. I am not Atkins-friendly, ergo… no soup for me.
Sam: The Sacrament is youuu... lalala...
Out of the corner of her eye, Sam suddenly spies a STRANGE BLACK OBJECT SLIDING DOWN THE STAIRWELL!
STRANGE BLACK OBJECT FALLS ONTO HALLWAY FLOOR!
Sam goes to inspect strange black object and picks up
A DISCARDED BLACK KNEE SOCK
We think it's bedtime, don't we? Yes, we do.
I'm rubber, you're glue. Lj drama bounces off me and sticks to you.
Gee: So do I
Em: Did you know I'm a hairy dominant butch dyke?
Gee: Yes. - stop_start, friendslocked post, with permission.
I have to admit that I do not, nor have I ever possessed, psychic powers. If I
had them, there would be at least two people that would be lying stone cold dead
under their desks at work right now.
Probably a good thing
Me: Hi, I need a capacitor.
Salesperson: ...Can I interest you in a cell phone?
From a comment to this post.
You need a balanced diet -- balanced. Harmonious! Like a song, but in your mouth! And you know what puts a song in my mouth? …Okay, ha ha. Seriously, now? Ravioli. Cheese ravioli with a sauté of tomatoes and red onions and mushrooms and fresh basil and a whole bunch of black pepper, and a little salad and a niiiiiiice hot crusty bread. And a gelato and an espresso and a cigaretto, you betcha. The only thing missing there is meat, which I can't eat, but if you want to go with meat ravioli, do it. I salute you. The point is to get a balance of things, including carbs. God invented carbs. You think you know better than God, suit yourself. I'll be over here at the donut table.
From this post in customers_suck.
RSB: You should buy one of our 17 inch monitors. They're on sale for fifty bucks each!
Me: You have 17 inch monitors on sale for fifty dollars each?
Me: I'll take two.
RSB: They're all sold out, and we're not getting any more.
Me: Manager, please.