July 10th, 2004


(no subject)

Now I have the difficult task of finding something to eat. I've managed to narrow my field of search to "food" since I felt that rocks would be hard on my teeth. Also because we don't seem to have a lot of rocks around. Well, there are some in the driveway, but who wants to eat rocks that cars have been driving over? --fallenangelfish

(no subject)

"i used to read national geographic a lot. in grade school i cut dish towels into strips and wrapped up my barbies, using my mother's jewelry as funerary amulets. i didn't have the ingredients for proper egyptian resin, so i used pitch to stick everything together. my mother was not amused, even when i explained to her that since my barbies were plastic i couldn't make the abdominal incision to remove their internal organs, so the salt shakers i used as canopic jars only contained lunch meat.

in middle school i turned my barbies into bog mummies. i'd dress them in ceremonial clothing, write elaborate sacrificial rituals beseeching the gods for rain and fertility, and drown them in little ponds dug in my father's landscaping. my father was not amused, even when i explained to him that the tannin in peat bogs could turn skin to leather.

my career in anthropology was abruptly curtailed when my parents discovered one of my barbies in the freezer, and me reading a national geo article on the ice mummies found on the coast of greenland. i was forbidden to create, bury, drown, freeze, or deposit any more mummies on our property.

when the first stone circle caught in the lawnmower, i suspect my father regretted the ban on mummies."

little girl is up to something
  • mice

Airport Security

"Not to be out done by the Americans, French Customs agents are now confiscating plastic Disney Swords from two year olds, in an attempt to keep France safe.

Because of the threat posed by the two year-olds, France has raised the threat level in that country from "run" to "hide". Which is one below "surrender", and two below "Collaborate"." --iamgerg
lava lamp

(no subject)

from smileydee, quoting from locked entry with her permission:

Ken the cashier was busy, so I ended up inviting Matt, my immensely immature fellow deli person who I think has a thing for me. He said sure, he'll come.

An hour or so passes.

Matt: So, um, I have to ask you a question.
Denise: Okay.
Matt: Should I, um, come prepared?
Denise: Prepared? What?
Matt: You know. Should I come prepared.
Denise's Mind: Matthew, you had better not be asking what I think you're asking.
Denise: What do you mean?
Matt: Well, you've never invited me anywhere before so I didn't know whether you wanted me or not.
Denise's Mind: Matthew, I would never want you in a million thousand years. If you were the last man on earth, I would still not want you.
Denise: Oh, no, it's just a friendly thing.

(no subject)

hija_paloma discusses the pros and cons of Philadelphia Living in this thread:

I'm also an expert in Getting Massively Lost. On one of my pilgrimages to the City of Brotherly Laying-Out of City Design By Crackheads, I accidentally ended up in New Jersey and had to pay a "Holy Shit This Place Sucks" fee to get back into PA.
[attractive] by dayafternext

Your snuffbox is like, sooo establishment.

"...Phrases such as the real chiz were popularized by nineteenth-century Anglo-Indian hipsters in Britain..."

The hipsterness! The nineteenth-centuryness! Anglo-Indian cats chilling in Britain, scenesters in breeches and elaborate sideburns! 1800s rock shows filled with sneering rich kids way too cool to minuet in front of each other! HEAD EXPLODING with imagery!

- astrophelle
  • Current Music
    Ohio - Damien Jurado
datidelicious---by me

(no subject)

(this may be violating one of the rules, as the person who wrote this asked that I not identify her. It's from a locked post, but she *did* give permission...)

Me: I caught the cat and the rabbit snuggling
Mom: *looks at me weirdly*
Me: I mean, they were laying next to each other and grooming each other...
Mom: oh good, I thought we were going to get a crabbit.
Me: nah, they're usually called cabbits.
Mom: *another long stare*
Me: I'm serious, in this one anime there's a cat-rabbit creature called an cabbit.
Mom: but they're not in real life right?
Me: of course not, I don't think they've gotten around to crossing their genes yet.
Dad: *starts chortling*
Me: I think they've made pigs fly though.