June 27th, 2004

I love the world (xkcd)

(no subject)

Sam: *wakes up in middle of night to write random entry in stealingharry*

Sam: *is thirsty, goes to kitchen*

GIANT BUG OF DOOM: RAWWWWWWWWWWWWR! I EAT SMALL DOGS!

Sam: *grabs magic drinking cup*

GIANT BUG OF DOOM: *flees*

Sam: HA AM QUICK LIKE BUNNY! *slams magic drinking cup down.*

GIANT BUG OF DOOM: *woefully plays harmonica* Noooooboooody knoooooows the troubles I seeeeeen...

--copperbadge, in this post
K: Smile, K: Personal, K: My Friends Rock, Smile!, K: Sophie

(no subject)


caribouken, in regards to this Stupid User horror story (read it! read it!):

It's no wonder that long-anticipated attack on corporate America via the web has never materialized yet - all the terrorists are laughing their asses off at shit like this with tears in their eyes and rolling around on the floor trying not to pee their pants and can't finish typing out the code to launch the attack. And every time they sit back down at the keyboard to finish, they start laughing all over again and then they really do have to go change their damp underwear.

Who would have thought that clueless computer abusers in corporate America were, in reality, our first line of defense against hackers and terrorists!
gaudior

(no subject)

zeret18 has a new co-worker...

Arnold is on the phones now. He was monitored for three days, and now he’s answering calls unsupervised. I don’t think he’s cut out for customer service. He talks so quickly you can barely understand him. He tries to get people to purchase products before he clearly explains them or even volunteers the price. His side of a sales call goes something like this:
‘Thank you for calling Cohen, this is Arnold.’
‘Yes. We have a course furniture. I can enroll you today.’
‘A course furniture.’
‘Sorry, I’ll try to speak more clearly, a course for nurses. I can enroll you today.’
‘It’s a ten week course which allows you to do practice tests and questions.’
‘Would you like to unroll my hay?’
‘Would you like to ENROLL today?’
‘How about now?’
‘Please?’
‘Enroll today or I’ll anally rape you.’

Read the whole post here.
A scribe is I

Behold, the power of apathy.

In fact, my capacity for not giving a shit is so great that if the makers of Kaopectate were to bottle my apathy, than the entire company - from the highest-paid C.E.O. to the lowliest janitor - would be able to retire with full pensions and fat bonuses within the week.

--lippypop, in this post to customers_suck.
  • Current Music
    The Eels - Novocaine for the Soul

Cooking with westernactor

Quoted, with permission, from a locked post.

Recipe for Dijon Oregano Chicken Breasts
  1. See an episode of 30 Minute Meals featuring the gorgeous/fun Rachael Ray in which she makes a recipe that doesn't look too hard.
  2. Go to FoodTV.com and find the recipe you're looking for.
  3. Go shopping at your local Key Food for all the ingredients.
  4. Spend fifteen minutes looking for tarragon in both the spice and the produce aisle, only to discover that they don't have it today.
  5. Say "Screw it, I can just use the oregano I have left over from the chili I made last week," and head to the checkstand to pay for all the ingredients to this recipe, as well as Martha Stewart's recipe for Perfect Brownies, which you're also planning to make.
  6. See the number on the receipt, and almost have a heart attack until you realize that, if you play your cards right, this could well feed you for the rest of the week.
  7. Get back to your apartment, put all the groceries away and start making the brownies.
  8. While the brownies are baking, make salad for lunch using the leftover spinach and oil and vinegar dressing from the night before.
  9. Think, while doing the dishes afterward, how hard it would be to make the vinagarette your dad used to make for asparagus and artichokes and stuff like that.
  10. Scream a four-letter expletive as you realize you forgot to buy the dijon mustard for the chicken recipe.
  11. Run back to Key Food and buy the mustard.
  12. Wait four hours until dinner time.
  13. Start following the recipe, running into no problems until you start making the sauce (using the pungent oregano in place of the tarragon the recipe calls for), which for whatever reason, simply won't thicken, no matter how long you whisk it over the burner.
  14. Say "Screw it, I don't care how thick the sauce is," pour the water-thick "sauce" over your chicken, and enjoy.
Makes four servings.
Billysexual by mys1985

plathegreat85 in her LJ:

WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE IN MIAMI SO STUPID?!?!?! I swear Y-100 must have had about 5 callers today call in and complain that Brad Pitt wasn't in People Magazine's 50 Hottest ****BACHELORS****. HELLO?!?!?!?!?! Come on now!!!! *******BACHELORS*****
  • Current Music
    MTV Movie Awards
Kicking Your Ass

(no subject)

Anyway I walked home from work today. And I learned that I can't even walk two and a half miles by myself without at least two guys offering me a ride. Yes that's right, I'll just ignore 19 years of advice from my parents about not talking to strangers or getting into cars with unfamiliar men! They were wrong about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny! Maybe they were wrong about this too! Say do you have any candy I could eat too? Yum! --fallenangelfish