June 18th, 2004

you always said the world will never las

(no subject)

Victoria called in sick Tuesday so they called me hoping I might be willing to come in earlier. I guess I scared the last guy off so they put a manager on to throw more weight behind it and me with only two hours of sleep.

"[Long explanation] So, would you be willing to come in early?"

"Is Hannibal coming up the pass? Are there elephants?" I croak into the phone.

"Huh?"

"No, wait. It's the Chinese, isn't it? They've decided to make their move early using the code the Indians have been writing for them."

A long pause.

"So, can you come in?"

"No."

"No?"

"No. Soldier on, brave lad, I have every faith you'll be able to pull through until I come in."

Now that I think about it, he must have been making allowances for the fact that he obviously woke me up otherwise I'd probably be out of a job. On the other hand, when Victoria called in the day after nobody even bothered to try me. Good boys, they're learning.

-uselessplayback, clearly not a morning person
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Kats || Cheetah Kat

"Guilty Secrets" and "When Rhubarbs Attack"

These are from two extremely long, but also extremely entertaining threads that were posted in my own LJ. I'm not sure I can metaquote myself, so I'll just metaquote girlsigh instead. 

Sample From Thread One:

girlsigh: Oh, no! You've discovered my guilty secret. I'll need a canal to dump you in now. Can you swim or should I knock you about the head with a bunch of bananas first? Well, I know bananas are a bit soft, but I don't like to hurt people. Just make them swim while they think about not letting my secret out. ::g::
Link to full thread one HERE</span>

girlsigh: Never back away slowly; that just makes them angry. Throw your arms in the air and scream till someone comes along and asks what's wrong. Say 'rhubarb' and see where that gets you.
Oh, I'm sorry you weren't a good enough dancer. It must've been hard to leave them. Less hairy, but difficult. You know what they say though: Those who can, can-can...those who can't cha-cha. There's still hope
.
Link to full thread two HERE</span></span>

</span>

  • Current Mood
    ditzy ditzy
singular love affair

"Hi! It's my first day out in the world! I'd like to go to Niagara Falls, please!"

insabatu to the rescue after I rhapsodize a little too much about the manifold virtues of the cinematic treasure Bubble Boy. (Oh yeah, and there are... um... spoilers for said movie in that link. In case anyone's really really concerned about being spoiled.)

Come in, Command. We have an Omega Class situation on our hands. I repeat, an Omega Class situation. It appears that one newredshoes has been exposed to Extremitus Fangirlilitus. To use civilian terms, in her case, she is demonstrating signs of overexposure to the carrier known only as The Jake.

This rare, but rapidly spreading disease can only be stopped in one way. I request a SWAT team to be launched in Athens, to lure the subject away from civilians with posters and pin-ups of The Jake, upon which tranquilizers and stun guns will be used to subdue her.

After three weeks of intensive de-contamination, which will be done through viewings of The Andy Griffith Show and Full House, combined with Betty Crocker cooking lessons, the subject should be safe to release back into society.


The target did resist, however. We'll keep you posted on this developing situation.
  • Current Music
    "Only Got One," Frou Frou
intertubes tmicore

Toes!

liddle_oldman, again. This time he's discussing the requirements for being a stalker.

I could so never be a stalker. You really need to care, and I'd think you'd need a lot of concentration. Even if I wanted to stalk anyone, it would go more like this: "I'm gonna follow this person 24 hours a day, I'll never let up, I'll -- Oooo, toes!".
shy violet.

(no subject)

Current mood: stapled

I have a staple stuck in my teeth. I need a song to record this occasion.

The Staple In My Teeth Song


A staple in my teeth!
A staple in my teeth!
Hi, ho, the merry-o, a staple in my teeth!

It rubs against my gums!
It pokes against my gums!
Hi ho, the merry-o, it irritates my gums!

I cannot pry it out!
It does not want to budge!
Hi, ho, the merry-o, not even if I nudge!

I got the damn thing out!
Eventually did!
Hi, ho, the merry-o, while writing down this song!

I probably should floss!
But I'm just too lazy!
Hi, ho, the merry-o, a staple in my teeth!


[...]

Edit: New Verse
A staple in my teeth!
I put it back again!
Hi, ho, the merry-o, 'cause I'm an idiot!

-guyminuslife
me; deep cove

(no subject)

3rdrate, after posting this picture of his younger self, his puppy, and his Power Wheels Jeep:

"You know someone sued Power Wheels one town over because their idiotic kid rode it off a deck, and the kid got hurt. They said Power Wheels should have had a warning label that said "Do Not Operate On Decks." We didn't have a deck, so I was safe."
let me be your armor
  • namey

(no subject)

apocalypsos. Duh.

If I went to Hell, and they shoved me into the movie theater, House of 1000 Corpses would be playing on a continuous loop. And just for good measure, Kenneth Turan from the LA Times would sit next to me and talk about film, and I'd have to agree with every bloody thing he said.

I'd go nuts in less than ten minutes. Five if I had to share my popcorn with the moron.
marguerite
  • arian

On religion and monkeys...

From the ever-wonderful Wildcherries...



Last night, in my insomnia-riddled 3am escapades, I had an important theological epiphany.

God is a monkey. Or rather, The Monkey.

Y'see, as I was sat there contemplating the meaning of existence (as you do), the thought struck me: Religion says our ancestors were called Adam and Eve. Science says our ancestors were monkeys. Ergo (concordantly! vis a vis!), if we assume that both theories are mostly correct, the logical conclusion is that our ancestors were monkeys called Adam and Eve. Since Adam was created in God's own image, God's image was obviously that of a monkey ie. God was/is/forever shall be the ultimate celestial simian. The forbidden fruit was actually a banana. So the whole casting out of paradise thing was probably God throwing a hissyfit because Eve ate his lunch.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
dancing indigo

Monkey, Monkey, Monkey!

Our gibbon-in-chief is here in Reno, speaking at the convention center to drum up support from local fellow simians.

It's bad enough that he has to breathe my air, but MUST he do it within the very city limits?! I can feel his inexorable stupidity disseminating through the atmosphere, clogging my very... my... very... brain... wire... thingies...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGH!!!!


--enzeru, on coworkers
Whuh Huh?!

(no subject)

From a discussion of everyone's current favorite Mary Sue:

_peapod: i feel bad because she's clearly slightly insane. but, like, Her Hair Is The Exact Colour Of Candlelight Shining Through A Goblet Of Claret Wine. or something. *dies*
traveller: my hair is the exact color of non-dithering hue #0F0F0F. am i speshul yet?
_peapod: i don't know. if you can describe it in a horribly clumsy metaphor of no fewer than twenty words, then i'd say yes. yes you are.
traveller: dang.
_peapod: *waits expectantly for explanation*
traveller: well, i can't do it. my hair's just black, and i'm not special at all.
_peapod: Alas. I Think You Are Special, Dearest Darling Cee! Do You Have Fae Blood, Perchance?
traveller: my brother's a fay!!! do i win something?!
_peapod: A Crystal Goblet Of Vintage Claret.
traveller: how about some jack daniels?
_peapod: anything to take the pain away, man.

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whosedamike's Star Trek RPG

The Star Trek online RPG I joined1 is going kind of slow at the moment.

1 Hello, everyone, I'd like you to meet my good friend Virginity. We've been good friends since as far back as I can remember and I expect that as the years pass, we shall only become closer and know each other even better than we already do.