June 11th, 2004

agent may is unimpressed

On the importance of contracts

I really need to come up with a break-up contract for my relationships. Key stipulations would be "When making a statement regarding maintaining a friendship of any definition, the undersigned significant other must stand by his/her word and make the effort to be friends," and "Upon demonstration of any degree of mind games and/or insanity from the significant other post-dissolution, Ms. MacHatton is allowed to beat the violating significant other with a weapon of her choice."

--caramiaculpa in a locked post, reflecting on her most recent breakup

from the Big Bumper Book of Demon Summoning

This post by warchio is delightful:

Do you know what I always thought would be record-breakingly cool?

If some tragic, teenage, black shirt wearing and apathetic personality possessing Satanist actually managed to summon Lucifer up from the depths of the hell.

Ok, admittedly, in biblical terms it might not be so cool what with the likely result of Lucifer laughing at the pentagram copied out of the Big Bumper Book of Demon Summoning, kicking the wannabe-satanist in the face with an effluvium dripping hoof and then sodding off to rain brimstone and hellfire down on everyone as he brought about the Apocalypse.

Still...can't you just see the kid's face? (oh and of course the stain on his pants)

Kid - Jesus CHRIST!

Lucifer - *pained look* do you mind? Rather a sore topic there.

It continues here, and keeps getting funnier.
need head
  • namey

For the coffee. Honest.

Locked post, with permission.

fringebenefits: I just spilled an entire cup of coffee down my chin, and onto my cleavage. Is it 5pm yet??
archeon: here... let me get that for you... ;)
namey: me = slowpoke / you = out of my brain
fringebenefits: Well you're the one that's within a 50 mile radius of my cleavage. That should make you feel better.
  • Current Music
    Iszoloscope - Spontaneous Cognitive Combustion (remixed by mortmain)

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[About this kick-ass mousepad:]

sevenall: Huh? Looks like a blue pointer-thingy on car carpet to me.
redhawk: That's the Rosetta Stone...in case you were wondering. But if you've got your car carpeted with the Rosetta Stone, let me know who your dealer is.
sevenall: So it is, indeed! That will teach me to mock before I look. Or the other way round.

[Elsewhere, talking about over-sensitive Americans:]

reddragdiva: Humor is unAmerican, citizen. Unless it's about liberals. Papers, please!
tviokh: Cram it, fascist! :D

[And one from JournalFen:]

Isn't the reason people bitch about FF.net that it allows you to post anything mashed out upon a keyboard, provided one of those mashed words is "Mulder"?

-- banal_o_rama
stealth whap

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Also? I just got an email from my mom. She began the morning attempting to do laundry, and ended it with two levels of the house flooded and a cat burping hot-tub water.

I think it's just a Friday. *g*

--the ever-quotable celli
  • Current Mood
    giggly giggly

Aren't we supposed to call her Dame?

From a review of this Riddick movie. (I live in a box, I just heard of this movie today.) It's posted to dailydigest, by puliqueen, and the review itself does contain spoilers. This gem, however, does not.

Judi Dench, the conundrum of modern acting, always seems to find her way into the strangest films. I used to think she owed a lot of money to a loan shark, but now I think she just likes to amuse herself by accepting random roles in strange movies. Or maybe she just has the hots for Vin Diesel. In that case, someone should totally clue her in to his non-women-liking.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused

A Little som_pos hilarity

c4bl3fl4m3 starts the hilarity with this simple comment:
Dude... we totally need an online S*P coloring book. Oh, the JOY!
So, pdelahanty responds:
I tried that, but crayons didn't work on my monitor.

megarandom chimes in: "That was so awesome...in many ways because it was so unexpected."
so, pdelahanty replies:
I seem to have a knack for the unexpected.
...and chocolate milk shakes.

And the requisite Kelis thread ensues. Check it out here.
  • Current Music
    Great Big Sea - French Perfume
mt piro content

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Quoted with permission from a friendlocked entry. They lose some of their effect when taken out of context, but I think they're capable of standing more or less alone.

takhisis, mentally responding to certain parts of a rather caustic email:

[complainer:] "I have already discussed this with experts in the field."

[takhisis:] And I'm sure they were just thrilled. Don't get invited back to many cocktail parties, do ya, sport?


[complainer:] "I do not want to hear from some slick, smiling damage control officer or a superficial consumer relations dancing bear."

[takhisis:] And I do not want to hear from some pompous, melodramatic, self-important fuckwit with a conspiracy obsession. I guess we both lose today.

A dancing bear, am I? Golly, must've misplaced my tutu. I'm more than happy to provide the teeth and claws bit, though.
names in square brackets added for clarification.
springtime the pony

(no subject)

sorenlundi, commenting on pottersues:

I don't really care if you want to cross over Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. I'm sure a million people have done it and aside from being posted here I wouldn't read it anyway. But how can you call it "Slash Worlds Harry Potter Lord of the Rings" and then not have any slash?
intertubes tmicore


joemorf, discussing The Chronicles of Riddick, or as I like to call it "Vin Diesel Rips Off His Goggles In A Sexy Way For The 200th Time."

"Regarding Riddick: In which Riddick is shot in the head in a convenience store robbery, and the audience sleeps peacefully as Riddick is trundled about a convalescent hospital in a rusty wheelchair.

That would have been nice. (And it would have cost a lot less money to produce.)"