June 10th, 2004

Glamour Model

"...but I've been sane a long while now, and change is good."

From "The Mystery of the Severed Finger", the first published volume of eventhewaves' twisted genius in storytelling:

Later, the doctors at St. Mordecai's Discount Hospital and Mortician failed to properly reattach it, and -- instead, in a remarkable coincidence involving the hospital cafeteria and a prank played by one of Dr. Baggasputum's interns -- the finger wound up in an organ transplant bin with a heart destined for the chest cavity of Vito the Vacuous. When Vito's personal surgeon opened up the bin and found the finger, he -- never being properly accredited to begin with -- just chucked the finger out of a fifth-floor window and transplanted the heart without a moment's concern for cross contamination.

Catarina, you see, had a singularly rare blood allele -- Type O positive-negative -- and it contaminated Vito's new heart just enough for his body to reject it. He died within days, but don't feel too bad for him; he was on the verge of serving a life sentence for, amongst other things, dressing up as a nun and giving drugs to starving school kids.

The whole thing is rather amusing, especially if you like random insanity. =)

(no subject)

the ever irreverent apocalypsos commenting on Regan's funeral tomorrow:

He's still dead, by the way. And yet, still more likely to win the next presidential election than Bush. *nods solemnly*

it's the little things that amuse me before coffee.
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The delightful pharminatrix on anime:
...Also, I've once again identified the one sound, unique in its ability to both enthrall and irritate me. It's the sound of footfalls characteristic of anime. Everyone is (a) always running on metal and (b) late for tap-dancing lessons. What's with those shoes?
  • rani23

(no subject)

From the darling thegraybook discussing aparment hunting in Brooklyn and find weird apartment lay-outs:

Washing Machine Repairman: I'm here to fix your washer/dryer.
Ruby: It's in the bedroom.
WMR: All right! This woman wants to have sex with me!
Ruby: No, really, it's in the bedroom. Look, there it is.
WMR: Dammit.

From here.
K: Ilwaranta, Bloody Hell, K: Kitties, K: Mermaid, K: Kuzco

In regards to "graduation" in the Harry Potter universe...

If there is a leaving ceremony of some kind, and there may well be, Hogwarts is old enough and wizards have been at it long enough that it's likely they'll have given it some wacky name the origin of which is lost in the mists of ancient time and might also have a set of peculiar traditions to go with it. That they would give it the same name and the same traditions as are used in the US seems unnecessarily flat.

I mean, surely something like this:

Ron: "Have you got your robes for Spiffling yet? We've yet to hop across the quad with one hand tied behind our backs and throw our trunks in the lake."
Harry: "I still don't see the point, Ron."
Ron: "Look, Godric Gryffindor himself came up with this."
Harry: "Tell me again why we have to paste custard round the door frames?"
Ron: "We just do. Get on with it or we'll miss the carriages and be stuck here for the rest of our lives."
Harry: "Wouldn't bother me."

-- lexin, here. She also has the best profile I've read in some time. :)
ursus maritimusinfinitemonkeys

(no subject)

If the Bush administration is successful in giving a fetus the same legal status as a live person, does that mean that pregnant women will be able to drive in the carpool lane when they're by themselves? And if they aren't showing yet, how would they prove it? Would a doctor's note be enough, or will the highway patrol start carrying pregnancy tests with the Breathalyzers? -alopekis:here
NF - shockgaspgorilla!

on appropriate office attire

From a locked post, quoted with permission:

This is an office, the type where customers come in now and then, and you end up working in the warehouse searching for products that have come in. At least wear something just above your knee, not something that if you bend over, we can see what you had for breakfast.

-- mommyof_2girls
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    amused amused

First post, yay me-age!

I think I got my first stoned customer at See's today!

=_= It was great.

The guy was yabbling about how he loved truffles of all kinds, and I asked if he wanted to try our pumpkin pie truffle. He was like "Ooooh, yeah, definitely. Y'know, that's another orange thing I've been seeing lately. I just keep seeing orange things, man! Like my guitar -- I have it in my car -- it's just the exact shade of orange as a pumpkin, man!"

"Wow, it must be orange season, huh?"

"XD Yeah, man! ORANGE SEASON!"

Then I grinned at him, very much amused, and bid him a nice day. He came back a couple minutes later, and Virginia nudged me somewhat fearfully and pointed to the door.

He was holding up his bright pumpkin-orange guitar. <3;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

":D;;; Yeah, wow, that's orange! Niiice."

And he beamed and left. =_=

This will be one of my most treasured memories of my first job.

From loosesocks, here.
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    high high
Ronicus Explodicus
  • mo0

On Outlook reminders, and poor memories.

hornetmadsquid and his brother have a collective memory gap... (Taken from a locked post, with permission)

So I woke up today and was reminded by Outlook that it's my older sister Michelle's birthday, well I'd pretty much entirely forgotten even though I remembered it earlier this week, so I wass thinking, hey I'm damned cool for being on top of it this year. (I always forget birthdays, I have one of those pornographic memories). I couldn't find her cell number to give her a call, so I decided to call my oldest brother Brandon to see if he had it handy. The call went like so.

Jarrad:"Hey B, do you have Michelle's cell number handy?"
Jarrad:"You know, Michelle, your younger sister, blonde about 5'11""
Brandon:"Oh, yeah sure, what's up?"
Jarrad:"It's her birthday"
Brandon:"It is?"
Jarrad:"Yeah its June 10th"
Brandon:"Well so it is, I'll be damned"

Our poor poor sister has to put up with us, and she's the good one that always remembers birthdays.

To Sum Up:
-Bad Memory
-Outlook Reminders = teh l33t
-Poor sister
the morph node

How too true...

Has anyone had success brushing their cat's teeth? Abby has a small spot of tartar on one of her back teeth, and the vet told me brushing should get rid of it. I bought the toothpaste, toothbrush and finger brush, but I have the feeling the feel-good instructions on the back are missing a vital step, like: "Put on suit of armor. Notify loved ones of your imminent death, etc."

shiveringwarmth on kittypix
PR || Cosmos

Animal thoughts from celes6.

Referring to things said by student vets during the day.

One student vet to another:
"I keep waiting to see one of my clients at the bar when I'm really drunk. Oh hi Mrs. Smith! Cute wittle Fllllluffy is doing grrrreat!"
  • Current Music
    My grandfather watching 'The Sting'


In this entry in this very community...

ajhalluk: I came here from metaquotes and I agree wholeheartedly with this assessment. Plus, he's cross-eyed. And has some rather peculiar vocal intonations. In fact, he is a male Juliet Stevenson.

As far as Billy Boyd goes, he is reasonably good looking. However, he has all the sex appeal of an entity produced by the ruthless genetic manipulation of the DNA of one's kid brother and the family's pet hamster.

gruyere: Dude...you're still here on metaquotes.

_redpanda_: I love when this happens. It cracks me up. It's like someone standing at the zoo intoning into an imaginary microphone while passersby shy nervously away: "So, here I am at last in the dark heart of Africa..."

...all right, no more iced coffee for me today.
agent may is unimpressed

On memories

My best friend Christy and I still make jokes about secret service agents shooting their own mothers if they rushed the stage. Hey, the agent we talked to when we were playing "let’s see how many places in the convention hall we can get in to before they make us stop" told us they would. ;)


Yes, when I was 18 I was a good little conservative Texas Republican.

I got better.

--lostchaos, remembering when she was first introduced to politics