June 9th, 2004

Dustpan

Sounds Right To Me...

vwl explains Metal Gear Solid 2:

He's like "oh my superiors just told me to run into a wall repeatedly! ::does so::" and then Snake comes and he's like "what the fuck are you doing Raiden?" and he's like "THESE ARE MY ORDERS" and Snake is like "so screw your orders, doesn't your head hurt?" and Raiden is like "well yeah but ORDERS" and Snake is like "listen kid you CAN question things you know" and Raiden is like "I can?" and then Snake is like "well I gotta go" and Raiden is like "WAIT I AM SO CONFUSED" the end.
  • Current Music
    "I Will Survive", Gloria Gaynor (thanks, Jeff)
agent may is unimpressed

On bluffing your way through assignments

msmarvel1's brother is a freshman in high school and had to make a pamphlet for Ohio for his computer class:

"Ohio and Christianity:
"Here in Ohio, we have a motto. And that motto is that "With god, all things are possible" and we believe that. Ohio is a moral place, filled with good Christians. Good Christians who go to church every Sunday and pray a whole lot. This state is super!"

Let me just remind the crowd that my brother is a Jew.


Read the rest of it here.
badge

1337 74X1

Yesterday my husband and I were sitting in traffic in Boston (which is what one does most of the time when one drives in Boston), stopped behind a cab at a light. Suddenly my husband says, totally deadpan and disinterested, “Hey, that’s a leet cab.”

I look down, and the cab license number is 1337. At that point I about pissed myself laughing and almost hit a car in the next lane.
From theoryofgravity , here
[oxygenated] little boy lost

(no subject)

Before I finally make some points about Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, my number one pet peeve of the moment is people complaining about things "not looking the way they were supposed to" when they are FICTITIOUS ENTITIES. Shut. UP. It can't ALWAYS look the way you imagined it or that would be pretty fucking amazing.
Case in point: WEREWOLF. A woman walking out of the theater the first time I saw it went, "But THAT'S not what a werewolf is supposed to look like!"
"How does she KNOW?" says Lara, voicing what we are both thinking. "I've never seen a werewolf. Have you?" she asks me.
"No. Except--wait! A few weeks ago! You know, when--"
"Ohhh, you mean when we were fighting those vampires?"
"No, no, that was after the mummies. We saw the werewolf BEFORE the mummies."
Lunatics. I didn't hear anybody coming out of The Passion of the Christ going, "Well, THAT'S not what Jesus looks like!"

- doubtful_salmon
stealth whap

*DOINK* *DOINK*?

The cut-tag text from a locked post, quoted with permission...

( In the criminal justice system, there are two kinds of offenders: Those who are interesting, and those who aren't. Those who are interesting get to be on Law and Order. Those who don't, get to be in Lizbet's journal. These are their stories. ) --lizbetann



ETA: *hides in shame* How could I forget it's the "doink-doink"?! I knew I was off, but it was late and I was in a rush... ;-)
Beast facepalm

(no subject)

Woken up this morning rather earlier than usual, by my assistant Lorraine. "I made you a cup of tea," she said. "Can you drive me to the Hospital? I think I broke my arm in the night."

She'd tripped over something in the dark, and hadn't wanted to bother anyone, so lay in her room in agony for four hours. Bizarrely, that bit I understand. The bit I don't understand is the making me a cup of tea, with a broken arm. (Not that I'm not grateful. It was a very nice cup of tea.)

--officialgaiman
  • Current Mood
    curious curious
geek, I have feet?, Dustpuppy

The inimitable trollprincess...

...feels the need to vent about the media coverage of Julia Roberts' pregnancy. The whole thing is, as usual, merely excruciatingly excellent, but here's a highlight to whet your appetite:

Example? "All of her friends say she'll be an excellent mother." Well, jeez, what the hell else are they going to say? "Once she came to Thanksgiving dinner and played touch football with our newborn, and when she made a touchdown, she spiked the kid against the nearest hard surface and did the Icky Shuffle."
  • Current Mood
    weird weird
paperclip/writing

vampire bread baking?

elistaire feels she has nothing to offer her writing group, who seem to write very serious stories:

After someone debuts their stuff, we say "hmmm" a lot, in a very serious tone, as if we are thinking enormously deep thoughts.

I do not write "hmmm" stuff. I write amnesia-kidnapping-vampire-bread baking-fruitcake type stories.
springtime the pony

(no subject)

battlejoy is not sure why she keeps dreaming about Uma Thurman:

Geez, Louise. I SO hope it's not one of those connecty mind thingies. That's just what I need, to turn on my tv and randomly see on Conan or Letterman or something, Miss Thurman saying a hispanic girl with poofy hair is stalking her though her dreams every night.

For the record, I am not. You're stalking me, Miss Thurman.
It's All Me

On the Bush administration's leaked torture memo

I'm going to sleep so much better knowing that the current administration has its finest legal minds looking for ways to define torture as acceptable. I mean, they draw the line (for now) at intentionally inflicted pain that approaches that of 'organ failure, impairment of bodily function, or even death'. I'm glad that people can only have a few square inches of skin burned off. Unless, of course, the torturer is only incidentally inflicting that much pain, in which case it's all good. I mean, that isn't a loophole the size of the Chunnel or anything. I'm sure these powers would never be abused.

Didn't we just impeach a President because of legal trickery over a blowjob? A legal, fun, victimless act practiced by most adults? I seem to remember seeing that in the papers a few years back. Is this what things have come to, where we'd rather have our leaders excusing torture than oral sex? Maybe this is new form of abstinence education. Don't even think about having safe, consensual, positive sex, kids. It's dirty! Sublimate your urges by physically and mentally abusing those weaker than you! If you absolutely can't get your mind off genitals, you can always attach some jumper cables to them. Just don't touch them!

gfish, here
  • Current Mood
    pensive pensive
Antennae

(no subject)

The female of this adult pair, being involved in the business of displaying the flesh of males of her species (not so as to allow people to choose the primest cuts, but in order to cause people to purchase products that these males associate themselves with). She gave him a small rectangular piece of pulped tree product, and told him to contact her on a device that transmitted sounds down an electrical or optical wire, as she believed that people would be interested in seeing his flesh displayed in a manner not associated with butchery.

- spidercat, on why his brother was shirtless in a teen girls' magazine, from this post