May 25th, 2004

Glamour Model

(no subject)

From eventhewaves on the new unrated two-disc edition of the already-awful Underworld:

See, if they want my money, they're going to have to try harder than that. Maybe tack on a few special features that are actually worth the twenty bucks. I want to see the Len Wiseman-apologizes-for-wasting-my-two-hours commentary track. The featurette in which White Wolf and Nancy Collins explain why they'd actually want to have anything at all to do with this... thing.

And, of course, I can't forget about the deal-making Kate Beckinsale-comes-out-of-my-TV-and-gives-me-an-intense-lap-dance easter egg. Although they're probably saving that one for the unrated special-edition DVD of "Underworld 2: 'Vampires' Gone Wild."

Rats.
  • Current Mood
    giggly giggly
foxie kicks ass

(no subject)

I hate when people make my brain cry. A post informing us of why we're stupid for protesting the war netted some angry, intelligent, and rather amusing responses. My favorite part thus far would have to be in karrylynn's comment, her response to the part where the person posting states This is life. You can not change it. So, help with what little you can. Life is hard. Eye for an eye. The strongest survive, and we have the biggest bombs.


"we have the biggest bombs"
You're right. The other countries at show and tell are shaking in their pampers.
surreal, crazy

True story!

Next day, similar kids attack me. They push me down, sit on my legs, and pull off my head and run away with it. I have become friendly with the Hot Topic cashier, who ran them down for me and called security on the kid that took my head. I put the head back on and went back to entertaining children....

--emperor_boy in customers_suck, my new favorite community
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    amused amused

anniversary

I was thinking that the following is what Dubya and his evangelical right wing cronies undoubtedly think is normal conversation in the households of most gay couples:

Partner 1: Oh. Oh. I cannot find the baby for the ritual sacrifice.

Partner 2: Did you look in the toaster?

Partner 1: No. But there is a demon in the toaster. And I cannot find my copy of our gay agenda either.


From the ever-entertaining emrinalexander here.
  • Current Mood
    hee.
Ys

(no subject)

Dear God, Our Father Who Art In Heaven,

I've been a fan of your work for many years, and have all your albums. I was just wondering if you could tell me how you made the stars, as I have an exam on that very topic in less than an hour and am without any kind of clue as to how you did it.

Best wishes,

Ellie xx


My child,

It's always nice to hear from a fan, and I don't get as much recognition for my music as I'd like!

About the stars: I'm buggered if I know, my child. All I did was leave great whacking clouds of gas about (7 parts hydrogen, 3 parts Helium and a little sump'n sump'n to catalyse) and then Physics did the rest, so its out of my jurisdiction, I'm afraid.

Eternal Paternal Love,

Your Lord and Creator

PS: What do you reckon to Quantum Mech? It's just my little joke...


-- ellielabelle
intertubes tmicore

Soapy frogs = comedy gold.

Grant Naylor knows it, and now you do too.

From the brilliant city_of_dis:

"You would think that rather than saying “I am anti-war” or “I don’t support ‘President’ Bush,” I had said, “Pardon me, will you be so kind as to collect a bucket of frogs, soap them up, insert them in my anus and then sing 'I Will Survive' as I launch them into targets?”"
  • Current Music
    All Along the Watchtower, again.
dancing indigo

Rastaphants!

I mentioned in LJ how wigged out I was by the Skippy peanut butter commercial with the CGI rasta reggae elephants.

dgenerator replied:

"Dude. Do NOT mess with the rasta elephants. Sure, they smoke copious
amounts of ganja.

But no matter how much they smoke, an elephant *never* forgets.
"
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    rolling on the floor laughing
blushsnek

(no subject)

kielisyl, on the trials of helping the computer illiterate. Reposted with permission from a locked entry.

Randomly, the stupidest way to word a question ever: "Is the printer supposed to be flashing 'Printer Maintenance Needed'?" Oh, yeah. It's supposed to do that. It does that all the time. It's a totally harmless thing for a printer to display, like "Printer on Fire" or "I know where you sleep", that absolutely belongs there.
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    amused amused
[etc] moo

(no subject)

subject: let down

It just wasn't as good as I thought it would be.

I had all these expectations, all these hopes and fantasies of what it would finally be like, the night that it happened. It would be special. Romantic. Memorable.

I made sure it happened with someone I really trusted and loved. Someone who would understand how special this is to me.

But I didn't feel any different after it was done. Just a little sore and disappointed. And he wouldn't look at me. He just shook his head and stared at the floor.

My advice?

Wait.

Wait for Troy to come out on DVD, fast forward to the two Brad Pitt ass shots, then take it back.

-zoe_trope
  • Current Music
    bif naked - moment of weakness
agent may is unimpressed

On throwing the fire alarm at a convention

Ichiban calls the front desk and he's told that it wasn't a fire, everything was under control. Being a con and all, we figgered it was the obligatory prank (even non-anime cons are victims). Turns out it was a malfunction with the something-or-other ("But at least you know it works!" said the bellhop). We kinda thought the opposite since it malfunctioned and all.

--isthatjamie, in her con report of Wizard World Philadelphia
seamus the dragon

oh my life

"What's not romantic about 8 friends (1 ginger) spunking in a turkey baster and playing Ginner Roulette with your future child's hair colour?"


my first post here! it came from a 'friends only' thread... so i shall tell you no more.
Faith(Peter&Carl)

(no subject)

arundhathi , talking about the RotK DVD:

Apparently, the downside of getting the RotK DVD a day early and staying awake long enough to watch it is then having angsty dreams that you can't remember clearly when you wake up, although they definitely involved much angst about the fact that Aragorn picked the wrong elf.

and

How can you not adore a film where one moment you're all dewy-eyed watching the lighting of the beacons and the next you're thinking about the fact that you'd like an icon of Aragorn's ungainly run up the stairs that says something like 'OMG, Beacons!!11!' on it.
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    giggly giggly
dancing indigo

Siblings...

"Today she threatened to Wingardeum Leviosa me, while I was washing dishes. XD I was like: "Yeah. Alo hamora to you too, beyotch.""

--devosama about his sister and him having the Potter fandom in their daily lives.

[DISCLAIMER: I cut/pasted it as typed.]
portrait

(no subject)

Open letter time, courtesy of silmaril:

Dear labmate,

Quit beating your keyboard. It's nice. It likes you. It wants to be your friend.

But if you keep typing as if that was a piano keyboard and you're playing the finale of Rachmaninoff's Prelude in C#minor (the bit that has a designation of ffffbecause that uses less ink than writing out "get up and crash on the keyboard with your whole upper body"), it won't want to be your friend any more. And in a few months you'll start losing keys and your typing will bgin t com ot lik tis. And it'll cackle in broken revenge as you do the painstaking arrowarrowarrowbackspaceletterarrowarrow dance a million times per paragraph.

Thanks.


Further highly amusing and well-constructing letters to cicadas & the makers of Troy to be found here
purple butterflies

(no subject)

From a post in pizza_hell:

This woman literally CAME RUNNING INTO THE STORE with four kids in tow and screaming at them ALL at the same time. I swear to God, I have never heard someone actually achieve surround-sound yelling at their kids. She was screaming at them individually, at the same time, in the same breaths. It would have been amazing if I hadn't nearly crapped myself, I was so startled.


The entire post (here: http://www.livejournal.com/community/pizza_hell/42858.html) is freakin' Hilarious. Go read it.

Really. Go now.