May 19th, 2004

kh || axel || hip to be square


I think my toilet is possessed. It started making odd noises out of nowhere earlier, like someone had flushed it...but no one had. Very creepy. I might have to cast an evil entity out of my commode.

I need a young plumber and an old plumber! The power of crap compels you! The power of crap compels you!

...I sincerely hope the toilet doesn't regurgitate though.

*mental image*

On second thought, Captain Howdy-Doo-Doo can just stay where he is. :|

--somethingwicked in this entry.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
ck photo shoot
  • rachy

(no subject)

'kay, so I'm quoting myself. (Sorry!) But it was funny.

Me: i guess i don't see what the big deal is. it would just sound like a fart.

Nate (boyfriend): Despite what you may think Rachel, it is a big deal. It is a huge deal in fact. Perhaps the most important thing in the world.

Me: forgive me for underestimating the amazing glory that is the queef
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    amused amused
Royriza: internal affairs
  • pinion

(no subject)

wheeler reviews 'Troy'. (You will only get the pension advert joke if you're a Brit, but I was crying with laughter)

Then there's Paris's "I will be with you, in this life or the next" speech, which felt like the Atomic Kitten cover version of Russell Crowe's growly classic "I shall have my revenge" speech. I especially liked Achilles using the slogan from the government's pension credit scheme; "Take it! It's yours!" If there's a single memorable line in the movie, it's lost in the delivery.

Oh, before I go any further, I must say that...

We interrupt this LiveJournal entry for a funeral pyre.


We now return you to your previously scheduled LiveJournal entry.

... rubbing up against each other's sweaty thighs.

Since we're on the subject; Orlando Bloom. Ah, sweet, dippy child. He's less wooden here than he was in Pirates, and it probably took some work from Petersen to get him there, since Petersen was reluctant to cast him in the first place. He was well-used, though. In the fight between Menelaus and Paris, you actually get to watch from the point of view of a camera inside Orlando's head. It's nice to know all that space wasn't going to waste.
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    amused amused
loud fayoumis

Gladitorial Candy

calligrafiti has issues with the latest round of movie-house snack advertisements:
...The latest snack ad has the various candies going into a sorta-kinda Roman amphitheater. They file in; they bow to the audience in a very "We who are about to die" kind of way. And then they start to dance.

I was so disappointed.

C'mon, advertisers. You saw how successful Gladiator was, and it wasn't just because there were a bunch of hot, sweaty men in skirts. Have those candies pull out wee hard-candy swords. Hack, thrust, parry! Gouts of caramel everywhere! You know you want to.

If you're going to invoke Roman gladiatorial combat, do it right. Bring the candy carnage.
dancing indigo


"I also may not have mentioned the forthcoming project in which I will be engaged for, let's see, ever. Yes, my son should be arriving in 6-8 weeks. For anyone considering it, ordering was fun but shipping is a bitch."

--shadwstalker, on ...apparently being really far along in her pregnancy which I don't recall her mentioning anytime recently! shock, shock!

And here I can't even congratulate her due to the work they're doing on the RibEye cluster.
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    surprised surprised
agent may is unimpressed

On why women dress up for men

C. and I were going to go for a walk on Sunday. I wore an oversized, bright orange tshirt with my shorts and a blue sun visor (like a tennis visor thing?). C. looked at me and said, "You look like a tool."

So I asked, "What sort of tool? An awl?".

"No. A blunt tool."

"Like a rubber mallet?"

"Yeah! A rubber mallet."

I frowned and replied, "I dress like a 'tard so you appreciate me more when I'm naked."



I <3 Brazenballsbells!

"Am feeling very evil-scientist-esque. Have been sitting at the kitchen table for the last few hours working, occasionally cackling to myself about how genius my latest creation is.

Lightning keeps flashing in the background at appropriate moments. There was a really good one when I stood up and muahahaha'ed.

Current Mood: mad scientisty!
Current Music: thunder!"

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    giggly Tee hee!
best picture ever.

ring ring ring ring ring

alcestis (in a locked post, quoted with permission) laments the constant intrusion of her bananaphone:

How anyone expects me to catch up on back episodes of three witch sisters one of which's son from the future has turned into a spider when the phone keeps ringing is beyond me. Good thing I like the callers.
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    amused amused
dancing indigo

I did it all for the cookie!

"Carbohydrate Awareness Day
That would be tomorrow, Thursday, May 20th. In case the site linked gets slashdotted, metafiltered, and farked, here's the gist: Thursday, May 20th, 2004, everyone should eat at least one completely gratuitous carbohydrate-laden food. Donuts, cookies, muffins, whatever, as long as it's loaded with carbohydrate-y goodness and low on whole-grains. As for myself, I plan on enjoying at least one giant chocolate chocolate-chip muffin, and perhaps making a pilgrimage to Krispy Kreme, time permitting.

Spread the word. Save the carbs. Do it for the donuts.

dkphoenix on the above mentioned and linked.
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    hungry hungry
agent may is unimpressed

On the funny pages

So after leaving the house, I was thinking about [former-Mayor Guiliani and the 9/11 committee], the hearings, our various mayors, the subsequent "War on Oi---Terror" and all the events of that, and then I read in the paper all these angry letters by people who were riled up over some profanity in the "Blondie" comic strip and my mind went blank. (I must have missed that one--what, did Dagwood call Mr. Dithers an nutlicking cocksucker or something?)


"We don't try hard enough..."

"The picture is not to scale. The Durango is approximately 5 thousand times larger than shown in the picture. It had three full rows of seats, as well as enough trunk space to store the state of Arkansas. Why anyone could possibly need this car as a personal vehicle is beyond me. I suspect it qualifies for Most Favored Nation Status."

-- spot rents a Durangosaurus

The Mojo that ate my fandom

I'm switching her to the Darkside...I mean, inspiring her to write something L/L, so if you hear about me cutting her hand off after revealing I'm her'll be reading a bad Star Wars Parody.

~rise_your_dead, discussing how she's using her almighty mojo to convince me to write Lenny/Laverne in the Laverne and Shirley fandom. Locked post, quoted with permission.
  • Current Music
    Missy cackling as I finish a L/L fic...dammit!
Halloween Hair

Why ICB's (Imaginary Celebrity Boyfriends) are Your Husband's Best Friend

crevette imagines a letter from her husband to Orlando Bloom:

Dear Mr. Bloom:

Because of you, I get laid more times in a month than the total of the first seven years of my marriage. Please keep letting them take pictures of you so that I can keep rolling in overwhelming amounts of Puss-wa.

I'll buy you a beer next time you're in town as long as you keep getting the wife all worked up with no one to come to except me.

Thanks again for helping with the sex drive thing,

The Major Thom

PS: Your girlfriend is HOT.

PPS: I don't care what they say, you weren't prettier than Helen in that movie. She had a much better rack.
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    amused amused
Trick by eaglefeather169

The continuing adventures of The Drama Queen who sits next to bghsmith

From childfree, here

Tiny recap; Drama Queen's precious daughter wants to get seconds at lunch in her elementary (or middle, I forget) school. This leads greenjeanz to question why she doesn't bring extra food for lunch if she knows she needs more and can't buy a second hot lunch. Drama Queen would rather the school feed her child extra.

greenjeanz: Why the hell doesn't she just take a simple sandwich(peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and maple syrup, banana and peanut butter, whatever, something that sticks together well and is quick) next time to have in addition to the regular lunch? Oh wait, yeah, that's right, that would take some personal responsibility and effort.

unkai: Because peanut butter is clearly too expensive!!!!!!!!!


iridiumblue: crack me up. Heheheh.

"The next time on Maury....Peanut butter hos"
bang bang you&#39;re dead
  • hezul

(no subject)

"I mean, if I wind up working at a summer camp, I won't have internet acess at all. Also, I won't have acess to television, running water, refrigerators, microwaves, videogames, or pants. It's like living in West Virginia, but with about 70% less assfuckery."

--alekmarokov, in this post
dear me
  • mhari

(no subject)

"The rather small and very fast airplane I took today from Burbank to Denver had to be patiently sat on the tarmac and power cycled.

Yes, I mean that the pilot made an announcement that there was some sort of alert or warning light on in the cockpit and that the air conditioning, interior lighting and air circulation would need to be turned off, kept off for two minutes, and then turned back on to see if the warning was a false alarm or not.

I sat calmly as they rebooted the plane."

agent may is unimpressed

On mating rituals in big cities

tourmalina: Oh, that reminds me. One time, in San Francisco, while I waited in line for a bus to pull up, a man with one arm threw a condom at me. It was still in the wrapper and it bounced off my leg. I looked down to see what it was...and then just hurried onto the bus. I guess he was making a pass at me...?

scarletdemon: I bet he has a LiveJournal account. He sounds the type.

--From the comments in this post