May 11th, 2004

hat, potato, spud

Speaker-speak

From dkogan in this thread of mock_the_stupid:
I get this when going through drive-thrus. I can never correlate what's read back to me with what I ordered. Maybe I just lack the knack for understanding speaker-speak, but it's always:

Me: I'd like a number 5 with pickles and a Coke.
Them: So that's a fake mean sickle to be under?
Me: ... yes?
Them: *suddenly perfectly clear* Will that be all?
Me: ... yes.
Them: For here or to go?
Me: To go. (Why do they ask this at a drive-thru?)
Them: Okay, a hiccup mamby pipe of a bake forgone. Please drive up, thank you.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
K: Smile, K: Personal, K: My Friends Rock, Smile!, K: Sophie

(no subject)

Yeah, I've had John Constantine living in my imagination for some time now. Along with John Crichton and Peter Venkman, the levels of snarkiness and sarcasm are reaching critical mass. ;)

-- drharper

[About "Nuke Fallujah" graffiti:] Y'know, I may just start tacking up flyers bearing the aforementioned "nuke 'em" slogan sometime soon...only adding the caption "Because we really need pissed-off, radioactive mutant super-Iraqis kicking our asses right now."

-- iblis_kukl

So when he asked whether I found Jesus... Dude. You've been asking people to find Jesus for you, for years now! The man is ducking you! He. Doesn't. Like. You!

-- doqz

When a hospital says 'today' they may mean 'tomorrow'. When they say 'this afternoon' they may mean 'this evening.' If a hospital-to-English dictionary exists, I have not yet heard about it.

-- andrastewhite
Freaked, K: DW Nine & Rose

(no subject)

The name Daniel means 'God's judge,' 'God's Judgement,' 'God is judge' or 'God is my judge.'

This tickles me.

Y'know how people whine occasionally that 'you don't have to be so judgmental!"

Well, guess what? I do. I'm God's Judgement. See? Says so right there. And on the plus side you don't get to judge me because I answer directly to el Jefe. See? Says so right there.

I'm like Wyatt Earp. Jehova's Federal Marshal. I need special holsters with bibles and stuff. And maybe a cape.

...I wonder if I have jurisdiction over Jehova's witnesses or do they answer to the other office?

I think I'll have little buttons or icons made, and wear them everywhere. Especially to class.

"God's Judge. Can't Touch This!"

-- doqz

LOLZ!!!

Quoted from _redpanda_:

Stop reposting the Mikya quote about XOXOSimon. It's disgusting, it's vicious, it's childish, and it's not funny in the slightest. In fact, legally, I do believe it's considered slander.

Somebody doesn't know what slander means, OMGLOLLOLBBQ!!
emanuelosi, rahmcy

Michael Moore? Political agenda? Naaaah.

iczer6, in this thread:

Because Michael Fucking Moore, Holy Crusader for the Left, would never *ever* let his work be influenced by his polictical beliefs, or use a film to push his own agenda.

I should mention that I'm also the Queen of Spain, the Moon really is made out of green cheese and I just drew this lovely sketch of the LoTR actors, it only looks like Photoshop.


*sporfle!*
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
fritters

On fashion and trends

"You know, I was looking at the yearbook, and they always have those silly "What was trendy this year" crap, and I was like who cares? Then I thought of Romy and Michele and I was like wow. I will look back and think 'Why in the world did everyone wear those shirts with their initials on them? Were we afraid we'd lose our shirt?'"

~~take_these_eyes
psycho hose beast.
  • leelah

...

veiledpaperdoll on jujubes:

"last time i put a jujube in my mouth, i choked. no lie.

spooky.

last time my husband ate a jujube, we had a five hour fuckathon and he had to be hospitalised for his chronic erection. fucker kept channeling his dearly departed grandmother.

double spooky. "
  • Current Music
    archers of loaf * fashion bleeds
Mal - Eye

(no subject)

"The thing that amuses me the most about the guys over on metaquotes who were harrassing _redpanda_ for the whole libel/slander confusion, was that when I first saw she used "slander" when she meant "libel," my immediate thought when someone challenged her on it was that maybe she did it on purpose so that the Green Goblin would show up at the guy's house and throttle him within an inch of his life.

What do you call that exactly, cinematic precognition? *is curious*"


~ The ever-hilarious apocalypsos takes some of the more mean-spirited members of this community to task, here.
  • Current Music
    The Holy Cows ~ Punched a Friend
Book of Mormon - spooky Mormon hell drea

Oh, what a ham

Prosciutto

All right, so we know it’s food, as you’re talking about it being in a grocery store. Let’s dissect this word.

Prosciutto

It looks Italian. Hmmm. Pros? Prose? Probst? Prostitute? Whoa. Ciutto? Cut? WHOA. Hacked up prostitutes?

I can imagine it: “Now in your grocer’s freezer - special on streetwalkers! Minimal crack content”

I have no idea. I took Spanish. :D


lemoncakes, here, in thequestionclub
dancing indigo

Silence is Kibble

"I love Granma. But my stock of idle chitchat is never great, and I've exhausted most of my energy for that kind of thing at work during the day. I lasted an hour through dinner before I bolted to my nice quiet house. Nothing there but shouting pets. And those can be quieted with kibble"

--erispope on idle chitchat.

on wipeclean boards

kazzik:

Yesterday the board read:
  • White Vinegar

  • Dishwasher Stuff

  • Body Scrub

    • Scrub your own body

    • I will if you get the stuff to do it with!

    • Sandpaper?

    • Oh I do wish I were as amusing as you think you are

    • Oh yes, that'd get you what you want...

    • I'm sorry - did that sound sarcastic??

    • The sarcastic pen is RED, stupid!


  • Red pen

The rest of the post is as hilarious!
  • Current Music
    Radiohead - Planet Telex (live)