2) Scene: a bumpersticker on a car. It reads, "If animals could talk, everyone would be a vegetarian." Sweetheart, if animals could talk, everyone would be CLINIALLY DERANGED. You think some people don't know when to shut up? What makes you think animals are going to have any filters?
Imagine your Day with the Talking Animals: You get out of bed to let the dog out. "Hi! Hi hihihihihihi! I've gotta pee! Gotta pee, gotta pee, let me out so I can pee. Hi! Hi! Hi! Oh, the door is opening, the door is opening...." You slam it shut behind the dog, and turn around to see the cat. "Fuck... morning. Mornings... fuck. Fuck. Where's my food? Not that food, the other food. No, that other other food. The good food. I hate this food. I hate you. Fuck." From under the cabinet, you hear the mice and the roaches quietly muttering among themselves: "yumyumyumyumhungryhungryyumyumsexsexyum
yum..." Walking to work, the birds are going at it, hundreds of them all at once: "Hello! Are you a bird? I'm a bird! What kind of bird are you? Me too! Who's your friend? A bird? Who'da thunk it! Cos I'm a bird!" Christ, we'd eat the damn things just to shut them the hell up.