From the now ubiquitous false memory meme, in the comments of catvalente
's post:Overheard by a servant girl outside:
“… and after giving the golden apple to Aphrodite, I asked that I may have the most beautiful woman in all the world. And here you are before me.”
After a polite pause for consideration, the lady answered.
“That’s very nice. But I’m afraid my answer is no. I can’t say I’m not flattered – although I’d be a bit more flattered if you weren’t just interested in my shiny breasts. I mean, we have only just met. What do you really know about me? Have you actually read anything I’ve ever written? You know where you want to go? Crete.”
“You are certainly not bad looking. You have a nice Byronic brow and your choice of tunic color harmonizes rather nicely with your olive complexion. But let’s get real here. You are only, what, fifteen?”
“Okay, you are sixteen. Has your sixteen year-old penis considered the nettlesome regional political repercussions of your proposed stunt? Probably not. You haven’t for even one moment thought of how this may upset the east end of the Mediterranean basin. Oh boy! Another pointless war. Don’t get me wrong, I’d be Boadicea if need be; but the point is, things are nice and quiet right now and I’d like to keep things that way. I’m right, aren’t I? You haven’t considered any of this, have you?”
“You don’t understand …”
“No, Romeo, you don’t understand. I’m married - happily married. Do you really think I’m going to give that up to put up with your adolescent angst? No thanks. You talk a good line and you are handsome, I’ll give you that. I liked the story. Well, sort of. It has its problems. Perhaps you thought you could make me overlook the sexist subtext on feminine vanity by flattering mine. Not a little ironic considering the source, Pretty Boy. So you are cute. But your idea is just stupid, and stupid just isn’t sexy. Stupid bad. It just cries out loud, ‘Hey, look everybody: I’m fifteen!’ ”
“Perhaps, but your idea says you are fifteen. Maybe we should see some I.D. – Not id: Iyeee Deee. ”
“But I just want to please you!”
“You’re sixteen!” What do you know about pleasing a woman? Do you even know where to find what’s not trust in front of you? Fifteen, sorry, sixteen minutes after you have carried me off and gotten me alone it would be over. And there’s another thing. This ‘carrying off stuff’ simply won’t do. I’d like some acknowledgment of my own agency, thank you.”
“You daren’t scream ...”
“EXCUSE ME!!?? You will be the one screaming, like the little boy you are, if you lay a hand on me. Now get the Hades outta here!”
Paris seems on the verge of saying something, wrinkles his Byronic brow, pauses, pouts and leaves.
At least this is how the story was related to me. I’ve been schtuping the servant girl.