April 24th, 2004

(no subject)

da_shrewgod has recently been hired at a local bagel store. He tells about his first few days on the job:

Yesterday I had to take a tutorial on a CD-ROM. Within it were several absurdly easy quizzes- in which the answer was always B. My favorite question?

There's an odd car that's been parked outside for several hours. What should you do?
A: Take the hupcaps.

The other choices don't really matter do they?
beers. steers.  and queers.
  • namey

(no subject)

My roommate, on not knowing the game of football, and its protective gear:

(what a waste of material...just think how many maxi pads they could make outta one of those outfits!)
  • Current Music
    Sero.Overdose - To Late (Radio Edit)

From vaxjedi:

The Student approached the Master.
"Master, is there such a thing as a just war?"
"Yes", the master said, "there is just war."
"Is there such a thing as a righteous war?"
"No. There is no righteous war."


From this post.
  • Current Music
    New Northwest - Heather Alexander
Abby (by pekeana)

(no subject)

Imagine being able to shoot giant ice cubes at people. *Think* of the possibilites!

"Ma'am, can I see your license and registration please?"

ICE!

"I'm sorry, we don't allow people to have sexual intercourse in the library."

ICE!

"Honey, would you mind pairing some of my socks for me?"

ICE!

Very, very cool. This is almost as good as the Lo-Jack idea. I should seriously start patenting these things.

Ice gun and Lo-Jack for people.

With the right advertising, it could be the biggest thing since sliced bread and Jesus.


--b_cavis, in this post.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
dancing indigo

Flags!

"Okay, you know those dumbass flags people put on their cars around hockey playoff time? The ones that hook right on the front door and flutter in the wind and show that you support the Maple Leafs/Sens/Whatever by displaying the team logo for the world to see? I want flags with the skull and crossbones on them, so I can yell "prepare to be boarded!" and "avast, ye scallywags!" at passing cars."
--smuu
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
humor

No 5 second rule!

From the ever quotable apocalypsos's report on her day at the zoo:

1. Cheetahs don't mind if biologists take pictures of them during the romantic afterglow. In fact, at least two of them turn to the camera and smile.
2. Zookeepers will not give you cute baby animals out of the small mammal house no matter how many firstborn children you offer them.
3. I do not speak Parseltongue, and spending fifteen straight minutes staring at snakes in the reptile house will not change that.
4. There is no five-second rule in the monkey world.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
dancing indigo

Levels of sullen

""I feel sullen," I told Caro.

"I started out feeling me-having-to-wear-a-dress sullen, but now I have moved up to wet-cat sullen. If things don't improve soon, I'll be all the way up to wet-cat-in-a-dress sullen."

Happily, it never came to that.
"

--neonnurse

I can completely relate to those levels of sullen.




and erispope on dog naming.

"Speaking of. WAs at the mall, looked in the petstore. Saw a puppy of DD's breed. Adorable. And I was so tempted.

Dirigible Dog, the sequel - Pup von Zeppelin.
"
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
chak de india: team
  • shati

idioms of DOOM

    I've also taken to using Farsi idioms in english, to the point where people don't even understand what I'm saying.
    Person: I think you should bla bla bla
    me: I think that idea is good for my butt!
    Person: *confusion*
- egomaniac9000, here. Best idiom ever. Use it! Use it!</ul>