April 22nd, 2004

Niku Cookie

Puny Mortal Coil

In a thread about purple prose, criticalcricket writes:

Time to break out the Tupperware. Tuck that little puppy* right up inside under the burping lid and bury it away where nobody can find it. A deep sea trench comes immediately to mind. I just hope that it wouldn't somehow mutate into a Godzilla-like monster and destroy Tokyo. "The Purple Prose Monster cometh! Run for your puny mortal coil!"

*The "puppy" in question is a purple prose passage. Makes more sense if you read the whole thread.
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    amused amused
Ys

(no subject)

There are no statistics on homosexual pedophiles. In fact, as far as the stats are concerned, there's no such thing. There has never been one. Sure, one or two might exist, but so might our government's brain.

-- squeeful
A scribe is I

(no subject)

xshatterstarx rants about her job and customers at Michael's:

I am quite aware that I have decently sized breasts, but this is no reason to chuck things across the counter in an attempt to see if said breasts will bounce the item back at you. Please contain yourself and exercise some self restraint. Leave the boobs alone--they never did a damn thing to you.

Ahh, just go read the whole thing in customers_suck. It's GREAT.
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    Faraquet - The Missing Piece
batwoman2
  • marrog

(no subject)


So, I recently decided it would be a fun game to look at random livejournals by picking usernames and finding out if they actually had journals. Then I decided that some of them were so funny I'd post them on mine, see if I could make it a meme of some kind. Then someone pointed me here. Everyone always has all my good ideas first...

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OBEY
  • tarpo

(no subject)

replies to a post that i'm not linking too.. about "your first time"

loca_weda
I was 16, he was lame, I refused to take my bra off and my best friend was fucking his best friend on the floor next to us. It was a total disaster and I haven't seen him since. I can only pray the half mini-mullet is gone.

*prays*
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hilts
What is a half mini-mullet?
Is that the hair equivalent of being nearly pregnant?
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loca_weda
It was short in the front, and the back wasn't totally short, but not long enough to be considered hardcore mulletry

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hilts
so not so much "business up front, party at the back", but more "business up front, business casual at the back".
The mullet equivalent of khaki pants...
outside

because he's been after me to bring him "more undeserved fame"...

timthetikigod says:

"Yesterday, I went to a house warming party for a Catholic couple, neither of whome I actually know. So I did what I always do at parties: sat in the corner looking awkwardly back and forth around the room at everyone else and drinking everything available that I'm legally allowed to consume. (Apparently it's an inherited trait: by the end of the party, both of my parents were completely smashed and my sister had to drive us all home, while being given asinine and irrelevant directions from our Mum and Step-dad).

Anyway, I did eventually get in a conversation with someone; a high school teacher named Paul, who spent the evening giving me sage advice like "Drop out of high school, take the GED, and only go to college if you really want to. Don't go to college because it's what everyone else does, go because it's what you want to do with your life. Don't become a teacher.
"
Me

(no subject)

wackdaddy is lamenting missing his nephew's birthday.

What I should have done was take them to see Metallica yesterday. I wanted to go see them, but none of my friends wanted to go (not 55 bucks a ticket, anyway) and I didn't want to go by myself. If I had realized that my nephews' birthdays were right around the corner, I would have taken them. Would've been a bit pricey, but it would be worth it to take them to their first rock concert! Although my sister probably wouldn't have let them go. Sure, it's okay for them to watch R rated movies and play Grand Theft Auto on PlayStation2, but they can't stay out late on a school night.
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    amused amused
Kicking Your Ass

What's worse is I remember what this is like

My sister, fallenangelfish, who works at the drycleaners I used to, had some very nasty customers today. Which lead to this wonderful observation.
"You and your family deserve each other. Clearly being a fucktard is not only hereditary it's also something you marry into."

She also had a fabulous subject line: "Rant: I hate all of you people and your dog probably sucks ass too."

I am so proud to be related to her
agent may is unimpressed

On settling down

Most importantly, now that I have all four new chairs, my kitchen looks awesome. It sounds silly but I glanced into the kitchen a couple of days ago to look out the window and all I could think was how nice it looks to have chairs and a table that look good together. Yes, I'm getting old if that's where I get my thrills. (Well, that and men in t-shirts and shorts driving open-topped jeeps.)
--gregmce, after a trip to IKEA
springtime the pony

(no subject)

mthrtongue, commenting on something from kricker:

seriously tho, i think this whole coelacanth thing is another white house scheme. bush is probably gonna claim that he invented it. or else that the coelacanth is a #1 terrorist.



Meanwhile, over in pottersues:

opensound: My friend, a couple years back, wrote The Harry Potter Fanfic(tm). Our characters, too, knew about the books and therefore the entire Hogwarts deal. So whenever we met Harry/Ron/anyone in the books, my friend's character would dutifully recite, "I have a book about you!" and proceed to show them said book.

eduthepenguin: You strayed from the light but came back to us. All is forgiven, child. ^_^

opensound: Heehee. I never saw it as "straying from the light"; it was more of a "I recognize the light, but Hell looks so damn fun" type of thing. ^^

eduthepenguin: Yes, well, the light is bendy and stuff, so it can allow certaing things.