April 9th, 2004

documentation, writing, quill

On rarely-slashed fandoms...

mamajoan, here:
The other day, randomly, I found myself wondering whether anyone writes Hamlet/Horatio slash. I bet they do. At first I was thinking how blasphemous and wrong that was, and then I was like, "self, you spent what, like three years slashing dead people? Evil, BLOOD-SUCKING dead people. Where exactly is that moral high ground again?" o.O

The problem with Hamlet/Horatio is that it wouldn't sound right unless it were written in iambic pentameter. And who really has the wherewithal?

The other problem with Hamlet/Horatio is that some of you just read this and thought I meant Horatio Hornblower. And I don't even know who the hell that is, but, no.

Elves and cat food... mmm...

Once upon a time, a village had a plague of elves.

They rode through the flowerbeds on their shining milk-and-silver steeds, uprooting prize rosebushes, and slaughtered horned men in the village square, seriously disrupting the Saturday Market, and danced strange graceful dances to the music of golden flutes all bloody night long.

The villagers were getting mighty tired of it.

So one night, as the elves feasted and sang high sad songs in a language more ancient than the land itself, the villagers crept up and killed them all. Then they minced them into little chunks and sold them as premium-grade cat food.

The young people of the village, light-headed with this newfound wealth, all moved away, and soon the village became a ghost town and died.

The moral of the story is that elves make vindictive ghosts and delicious cat food.

The End

  • Current Mood
    amused amused

(no subject)

kiri_moth describes a dream she had:

I had just gotten the next Harry Potter book (the one that's not actually out yet) and was flipping through it. It had far more illustrations in it, and they resembled glockgal's work. About halfway through the book there was a chapter where Snape was outfitting Draco and Harry with pony harnesses and all the accoutrements. I recall that I really liked how their gags had been drawn in the accompanying illustrations, but overall I found it a little disturbing that Ms. Rowling had taken the books in that direction.

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    blank blank
Wow Neat

(no subject)

My brand, spanking-new* palm pilot says it's Wednesday. And I do mean "spanking-new". My T3 is just so frelling techno-sexy that it practically screams "Spank me!"...though I haven't. That will probably be the last straw for the men in white coats to haul me away. :)


... I'm gonna go call my lawyer now.
....... wait, do I have a lawyer?
............ wait, who are you guys?
I am going where with you?
Why am i going to Cuba?
NO! NO! Not the faaaaaaaaaace!

-- doqz

[My cat] Goten greeted me in his usual fashion, meaning he tried to kill me. Today's method was to find every single one of his plastic balls that aren't squashed and to line them up right in front of the door, so I almost risked skidding across the floor on them. This is a bit of a break from the usual method, which is to lie stretched out on the floor, just past the door swing, so when I walk in, not looking at the floor, I trip over him and go sprawling across the kitchen floor. I guess he's gotten bored with that way.

-- darqstar

Did I ever mention that [my other cat] Chrissy loves being held? If so, I lied. She hates being picked up and usually responds by letting out the most pitiful cry that makes anyone in earshot convinced I'm the world's meanest person doing a rectal exam on her with a cattle prod. Then, she sinks her claws into my neck. I think the blood on her nails makes her feel better, as long as it's my blood. My blood has soothing properties to my cats, cause they sure seem to enjoy making it come out of me.

-- darqstar

...oh go read the post :)

On Video Store Levity...

"Back when I was working at Blockbuster, at one point I was at the counter when two people came up, a middle-aged white woman and a native Alaskan teenager. The teenager gestured for the woman to go first, to which she replied, "No, no, it's all right. You were here first."

The guy blinked. "Damn," he said. "I wish Columbus had said that."

The heads in the rest of the store simultaneously swiveled in the direction of the front desk, we were all laughing so hard."

-- roseneko
aimeekitty puzzled
  • twjudy

(no subject)

Long time lurker, first time poster... quote from the lovely, and talented, mirabellawotr

"So, like, is it possible, through diet, exercise, embracing pseudo-Eastern mysticism, or journeys of self-discovery, to acquire a decently functioning immune system? Because I will totally live on broccoli and go around saying "Namaste" to bo trees if it means that I will stop being sick All. The. Fucking. Time."
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    ditzy odd
Viva La Pajama Pants

I hate when this happens

Do you know that weird dance girls do when they're confronted with something they find icky and gross and heebie jeebie inducing? Ya know that fist clenched, constant shuddering type of dance that's usually accompanied by that high pitched squealing/whining noise? Yeah. I did that.

I did it all the way to the garage to find a rag to pick it up with. I did it all the way back to the carcass. I did it as I picked it up and chucked it into the trash can. I did it for ten minutes afterward as I washed my hands and then drove to the store. It's the most undignified, girly, scaredy-cat dance in the world. And, I, this hardcore tomboy with a love of horror movies and a thirst for all things disgusting, did that dance.

whiski_sour from this entirely too amusing post (quoted w/permission).
  • Current Music
    Dime Mi Amor Los Lonely Boys
imzadi, riker/troi, romance
  • leyenn

They're taking over the world, you know...

When I sat down in front of my computer the other morning, it told me, "Hey, while you were sleeping, I checked some stuff out and I found these updates you might want to install."

Which I found a little unnerving.

Because it's one thing to get a message like that when you open IE or whatever, but to have your computer go online and do stuff all on its own while you're not even awake? That's creepy. That's all "Open the pod bay doors, Hal!" and stuff.


And, yeah, I have a cable modem, so technically the thing's always online whether or not I have a browser open, so it's not like it was a big deal for it go hunting around for updates.

But it makes me wonder what else it's doing that I don't know about.

Is it surfing for Harry Potter porn while I'm slumbering away in the other room, blissfully unaware?

Or is it...oh no. What if...

God, I hope my computer isn't a furry.

-- devildoll, here.
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    amused amused
  • hurm

(no subject)

A comment on one of my posts concerning my "irreverent" relationship with Good Friday.

"Ahh, and if we just had ritual sex with a paper mache Satan, rather than the actual Prince of Darkness, we'd save even more money on summoning supplies, etc. This and many other useful tips in my new book, Be A Godless Heathen the Economic Way!"

domino--by chuchan

(no subject)

gnarlycranium, here:

Orbs are like.... like... those tesla coil zappy ball things you see in the mall. Or big glowy things that sorcerers and fortune tellers feel up and gander at a lot. They're spherical, usually shiny, and sometimes bobbing in midair. Often if you run over them they give you health and armor, or powerups. So why the HECK would anybody want some in their eyesockets??!
o really.


Here's an MTV summary of my third essay:

"Old and new imperialism were different because old imperialism was about gettin' some bling and new imperialism was about which countries' milkshake brings all the boys to the yard."

  • Current Music
    pearl jam -- "state of love and trust" live 08/22/1998
  • haagen

Quick to the LJ mobile!

In response to this post by garyj97, the_lj_crusader posted this comment, and_his_buddy posted: "right you are lj crusader! just think what our grandkids will have to do in order to rebel, probably decorational amputations and giant chunks of metal sticking out at odd angles!"

I’m not sure whether it was the post itself, or just the thought that there’s two Super Hero accounts that follow each other ‘round with catch phrases that are so wrong that they’ve come back to an amusing right - Thought I’d share.