Metaquotes

“As I said, my finding is preliminary” = “As I said, I am always right and I am going to fuck your daughter's shit up. Just ask Haladki or Simon”

- ramdonomo in laurenreedfans, on what Jack Bristow really meant when he addressed Senator Reed about where his daughter's "loyalties" lay.

i've been a member here for a while and never posted. this morning, however, aexia left a comment in my journal that had me giggling my ass off. it was in response to a rant about how Rhea County wanted to ban gays and lesbians from the community...

It's a good idea though.
They ban all the GLBTs from the city. Then all the 'good god-fearing folk' move there.

The beauty isn't that they keep gays *OUT*, it's that it keeps hate-mongering bigots *IN*. Then, after a couple generations of inbreeding, they die off.

Everyone wins.

ntang's radical ideas on debt-reduction:

I've seen a lot of articles, tv shows, posts, and whatever else about relieving your crushing debt. They profile a lot of "regular families" who are saddled with huge amounts of debt, large screen tv's, new cars, and nice houses. Since I am a self-proclaimed Debt-reducing Guru, I thought I'd give you all some useful tips:

- Stop buying shit you don't need
- Put all of your extra money towards your debt

This doesn't apply to all people in debt, but it's also often good advice nevertheless:

- Stop fucking around and get a job

Finally, for those families unable to follow the above advice:

- Sell your children
OR
- Get a good life insurance policy and kill yourself

Thanks. Look for my book (more of a pamphlet, really) soon at fine retailers like Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

A history department is a lot like fandom, as I suspect most academic things are. You have your BNFs ("OMG SHE'S MY ADVISOR SQUEEEEE!!1!"), your canon-thumping ("political!" "economic!" "social!" "bite me!"), your cliques ("I would give my firstborn and my right arm to take that class"), and your shippers ("USA/GB/USSR! TheirloveissoYalta!").
~ladylisse

mom wants to drag me to confession this weekend... maybe I'll talk about the guy I keep kicking in the shins blah blah blah, being disrespectful to my mother blah blah blah, intentionally zoning out during mass blah blah blah... Maybe I'll make something up, that'd be sooooooo much more entertaining...

...and I've been worshipping a golden blender idol. I sacrificed a Palm Pilot to it the other day, and The Blender God said "Next time you shall sacrifice your first-born child."

So I sez to him, "I don't have a first-born child."

And The Blender God thought about it for a while, and then he said, "You shall go get a first-born child, preferably with a goat, then you shall sacrifice your goat-baby to me."

And I sez to him, "Noooooooo.... not my goat-baby!!!!"
Which I don't have yet, mind you... Say, Father... you don't happen to know the names of any goat-breeders do you...?-monkey_colored here

brim, in this post, said:

brim: At work, there's an international fellow from Egypt who shares an office with us. A lot of times, he'll be on the phone with one of his friends and he'll be speaking in hieroglyphics or whatever it is they speak over there. Obviously, none of us has any idea what he's saying. Judging by the loudness and pitch of the voice and tonal inflections, you should be able to tell if he's angry and yelling or if he's speaking with a sad tone. But since we don't understand any of his language, we're always completely oblivious to the content on his speech. Really, he could be saying anything. He could be having PHONE SEX with his wife with a room full of listeners, and we'd never be the wiser. Think about it...... how fucking cool is that?

In comments:
99catsaway: A lot of times, he'll be on the phone with one of his friends and he'll be speaking in hieroglyphics or whatever

Funniest thought ever.

I'm just imagining a little cartoon bubble over your coworker with hieroglyphics. :-D

spicole: Ha! Maybe that's what he's really saying... "Triangle triangle bird, walking guy, giant eyeball! Giant eyeball, cat pyramid. Sphinx!"

dramaqueen_23: Saw I tank top on e-bay with that says "Shiksa". I really think I should own that...don't you?
gmajor: You could wear it in the next Goy Pride Parade!

On a post in which cruisedirector compares Condoleezza Rice's glare to that of a cat named Rosie (go see the pics!):

ingridmatthews: *whacks Condolezza Rice on back of head to make her spit out canary* Bad, National Security Advisor! Bad!

What? Haha, what? Ron Jeremy? Really? Yeah, you've slept with a lot of women, RJ, but your whole appeal is that you are the anomaly of porn. You look like a three way hybrid of Magnum P. I., a truck stop dishwasher, and a dead gopher. Not to mention I've seen your penis more times than I have seen my own, and you're not exactly blocking out the sun and plunging the world into eternal darkness via your immense girth. I don't wanna seem arrogant, Mr. Jeremy, but were you and I to engage in a cockfight in a smoky Tijuana garage, twelve out of fifteen sadistic Mexicans would be laying odds against you.

- gomijin

Read the whole thing.

At a party at a coffeehouse, as detailed in this post, jedusor said --

sittingwalnut: He's gotta be, like, twenty.
jedusor: *glowers*
sittingwalnut: Why don't you ask him how old he is?
jedusor: I don't want him to think I'm desperate!
mori_uruloki: But you are.
sittingwalnut: Yeah.
jedusor: No, I'm not! Who's the one in a monogamous relationship here?
Random person from jedusor's group: So why are you flirting with them?
jedusor: *reluctantly shuts up*

Five minutes later...

jedusor to Total Stranger #2: How old are you?
TS #2: Twenty-four.
jedusor: *yells at sittingwalnut* You were wrong!

Ode to Spring
(with apologies to Mother Goose)
(who I'm sure disapproves of her children having orgies by my apartment complex pond at 4 a.m.)

April is coming, the geese are getting laid
Please walk with caution and a hand grenade
If you haven't got a hand grenade, a great big stick will do
If you haven't got a great big stick, God help you

-- wiliqueen, here

Conversation between merryish (in the US) and kaneko (in Australia), posted in Merry's journal:

Kaneko: 1,620 people - all the right way up - can't be wrong
Merry: we have MILLIONS of people all the right way up
Merry: billions!
Kaneko: you don't have billions of people
Merry: gajillions!
Kaneko: mr gravity mocks your made up number
Merry: you better hold tight to mr. gravity, as he is your only friend upside down girl!
Merry: without him you fall RIGHT OFF
Merry: whereas MY people
Merry: are not dependent upon your silly little mr gravity
Merry: MY people stay on the earth
Merry: out of LOVE.
Kaneko: giddy, I think merry has snapped. she does not acknowledge the Power of Mr Gravity.
Merry: don't take money! don't take fame!
Kaneko: oh my god
Merry: don't need no GRAVITY to ride this train!
Merry: it's strong and it's sudden, it can be cruel sometimes!
Merry: that's the POWER OF LOVE!
Kaneko: oh are you still talking? mr gravity and I are having a picnic for sane people

OMG MY COMPUTER WAS JUST DELIVERED BUT I DIDN'T HEAR THEM COME CAUSE I WAS HAVING SEX WITH MATT NOW IT'S LOCKED IN THE OFFICE UNTIL TOMORROW DAMN YOU MATT YOUR PENIS HAS COST ME MY COMPUTER

-berreh, quoted without permission

Sometimes when we see a movie, we're too young to know any better. This is why I spent a lot of my childhood thinking that Three Men and a Baby was a work of cinematic genius.

--malhablada

tebello said, in a comment thread in tsenft's journal:

Given how open LJ is to comments and suggestions, couldn't we lobby them for a user option enabling a safety switch on the "post comment" button? When I click "post comment," especially if it's in a group or in someone's LJ whom I don't know very well, I want a popup that says "Are you sure posting this won't engage you further with someone you don't want to be involved with? Are you sure you're not misinterpreting something this person said to work out past issues you have with someone long gone? Are you pretty sure of your facts? Are you just posting something way too long because you're bored and lonely?" and so on.

By way of explanation: I am a Massachusetts resident, and I got... er... displeased, shall we say, and vulgarly and animatedly so, in a post in my own journal yesterday.

However, that said, I found this comment from inastraitjacket to be wonderfully amusing, albeit in a dark kind of way:

Yay for Bushism, the end result of a marriage between fascism and illiteracy. But don't worry, they're of different genders.

ragingpixie has been having a hard time.

"I AM GOING TO GO TO HEAVEN ONE DAY BECAUSE OF MY MOTHER IN LAW AND THE FACT THAT SHE IS STILL ALIVE AND NOT DEAD BY MY HAND. EXCEPT WHEN I GET THERE GOD WILL PROBABLY SAY THAT I WRITE SLASH AND DON'T BELIEVE IN JESUS SO I CAN'T COME IN.

I used a lot of caps, and if you feel like I was screaming at you, IT'S BECAUSE I WAS."

angelvasectomy in a locked entry, quoted with permission:

I was going through my porn stash-- a good thing.

I was going through the shibari folder of my porn stash-- a better thing.

There was Legolas/Gimli porn in my shibari folder-- A VERY BAD, SCARRING THING.