Metaquotes

I just found this extremely amusing....
Over Yahoo Chat...

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discoflamingo, in a comment to something on blog_sociality:

Because on the Internet, nobody knows you're really a super-intelligent dog. Or an ordinary hamster with a spellchecker.

deza wanted us to know, here, how she feels about high pollen counts:

*snuffle*
Tha Annual Arboreal Bukkake Season has begun.
*reaches for the Clariten*

"Despite a rapturous review from Pitchfork and the fact that Fabulous Muscles is the album of the year thus far, I think they only have eight fans in the entire world. One of them is a 600 pound mongoloid who stood beside me during the show who demonstrated the beat of each and every song they played by making glowstick-like motions with his hands and flashing his digital camera in Jamie Stewart's anguished face every thirty seconds. This confirms for me that I have completely lost touch with mainstream America, thus barring my chances of ever attaining political office or directing a #1 movie starring Tom Cruise."

- gfonk on 29 Mar 2004

snarkbot dispenses humor for the puny hu-mans:

Bought a lavender scented Plug-In this weekend and it is kickin' even at the lowest setting. It's like a magical lavender elf pranced around my loft effervescing his magical lavendar aroma, and then someone murdered him, sliced him open, and smeared his lavendar entrails all over my room as a warning to others.

"Sometimes I really wish I'd been born male, multiple orgasms be damned."

- moonilicious

teffdogg explains:
"It was the first day of driver's ed. class. I was driving the car and it started to rain. I turned on the windshield wipers, and then asked "Where is the button for the rear window wiper?"

"CARS don't have rear window wipers! You must be from a MINIVAN FAMILY!" said the instructor, accusingly.

It was true.

I was so ashamed.

greyaenigma in a comment to an entry on officialgaiman:

Bah!
I am sick and tired of taking the blame every time Cthulhu loses an election, and this time is no different. It's just like Yuggoth all over again! If it weren't for his mismanaged of R'lyeh, don't you think they'd have managed to stay afloat a few eons longer? And don't get me started on how many vice presidents he's eaten after taking an eternal nap, then waking up and finding everyone assuming he'd died.

Nope, this time if mighty Cthulhu wants my vote, he'll have to drag it from my cold, slimy, dead... hey, what's nooooo aRRGHHH

*transmission interrupted*

(The whole thread is funny.)

I love Bible thumpers. I really do. They yell and scream about marriage being a sacred institution only god-fearing dolts can partake in.

At the same time, they're quoting a book in which two nudist accept nutritional advice from a talking snake." -motro

I was have tax problems, but luckily, I managed to get the papers into the damn envelope after a long struggle.
--speshope

marketeer in booksnob, on the subject of Robert Morgan's Gap Creek:

Is it just me or was this an incredibly difficult book to get in to? I've never had to work so hard to get to the end of a book in my life. It just seemed like a constant litany of misfortune in a marriage, punctuated by the narrator baking more cornbread.

jean_prouvaire, commenting in pottersues:

"'HE'S NOT DEAD!' screamed Harry, smashing a few more things on Dumbledore's desk. 'REALLY! HE'S JUST RESTING! AND HE HAD BEAUTIFUL PLUMAGE, TOO!' 'Harry,' said Dumbledore, laying a gentle hand on Harry's arm. 'He has ceased to be. He is an ex-godfather.'"

"did I ever tell you about the time I was in KayBee Toys and they were playing I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus? when it got to the bit that goes I saw Mamma kissing You-Know-Who, all I could think for a moment was "...Voldemort? poor kid, their mom's gone and left their dad for Voldemort?" and then I realized I was being really, really dorky..." - kit_maxel