Metaquotes

Think the most straight-laced, traditional, status-quo, duty-oriented, over-achieving military man you can imagine. Put him at the turn of the 19th century. Make him pregnant. Instant hilarity!

-- musette

So, backfromspace saw Mama Mia the other day...

Okay, one lady did that. We were in the balcony, easily 2/3 of a maybe half-filled house (there was a cast substitution for the guy playing the sweaty daterape guy priest and we blamed him), and there was just the one lady. "She obviously saw the commercial," I said. "Why? Why must they wear codpieces?" Charlotte answered. "Whyyy?"

Gotta read the whole thing

EDIT: HTML retardedness...

i'm going to a recourse meeting in ten minutes to be told why i didn't get the job i applied for. i'd rather go get a root canal. why the hell did i request this? well i know why. best thing to do so i don't repeat my mistakes, blah blah. sometimes i mistake myself for someone who actually cares. --mcee

Over on fandom_wank, wankprophet is a little tired of Harry Potter fans' complaints about J.K. Rowling, but realizes it's just part of the history of fandom:


Holy Christ, will somebody please tell me this isn't for real?!? Just throw me a bone, a sliver, anything. I'm sitting here reading this and wonder why the fuck do they even read JKR's books? Call me crazy, but if I read a book and my reaction was "She can't write, she has no grasp of characterization, she clearly needs to get her priorities straight and I can think of a splooging drama queen on the Internet that I would much prefer to read", I wouldn't even be reading the remaining books in the series, much less be going out and joining an effing fandom. These are very sad people, and by "sad", I mean "dumb and should be cast into the outer darkness just to prevent the contamination of our world with their own perverse brand of pandemic irrationality posing as squeeing fangirly lust for anything that allows them to fantasize that someone would be redeemed by them rather than flay them and leave their skin nailed to their foyer wall as a warning to any other totally unappealing fangirls not to so much as squeal in the presence of the aforementioned flayer of fangirls."

"Sad" condenses that definition nicely, dontchathink?

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i still feel gross and blargh. i didn't eat much, because my stomach decided all food was the spawn of the devil.

read: "BACK YOU, SILLY EENGLEESH MOOFEENS! M-MOOOFENS"

so i slept it off. and now my stomach demands that IT WANTS A BURGER NOW. A LARGE, FATTENING CHEESEBURGER WITH EVERYTHING ON IT INCLUDING A THICK COATING OF MAYONNAISE. but my tongue refuses to agree to tomatoes.

so i wait an hour. and my stomach says, "IF YOU DON'T GET ME THIS BURGER, I'M GOING TO STAGE A COUP. NOWWWWWW."

and since i do not need la revolution de la jessi, i think i shall give in to this bastard stomach of mine.


this continues in a conversation between myself and her...

laizeohbeets:i'm suddenly picturing all of these silly french people no bigger than tin soldiers pounding my stomach
laizeohbeets:"WE WANT ZIS BREAD TO EAT! ONLY A LEETLE BEET OF BREAD!"
laizeohbeets: so my mind says, "let them eat cake!"
laizeohbeets:the problem being.. i don't HAVE any cake.

--laizeohbeets: from a locked post, with permission, and an in-progress IM convo.

From this entry by kaifawn, in which she and her husband search for a liquor store:

..."I dare you," he giggled.

"You don't have to dare me. I want my Stoli. I'd ask a Muppet where a liquor store is."

From anniesj:

One of the girls who works in another company in our office complex was telling us about her ten-year-old daughter, Kait. The other night, they were having dinner when a tampon commercial came on.

KAIT: Mom, how do you pee when you have a tampon in?
KAIT'S MOM: Well, hon, you put it in a different hole.
KAIT: Oh. (pause, then horrified look) Oh my God, Mom! Then how do you POOP?

"doodah, doodah
ia ia phthagn
oh doodah day"

--colubra, on a thread in response to this post.

Edit: Er, sorry. My cut/paste didn't work the first time.

Test done, and, I think, done well. Even though stupid new fandom kept throwing half-conscious Abberline at me. Kept telling him that if he insisted on sprawling like that, sooner or later someone was going to take advantage of--oh.

why are all my muses sluts?

~guede_mazaka

moebus is having trouble today on lj...

Das LiveJournal is pissing me off!!! I just tried to post a comment 6 times and it denied me!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!! Bitches get CUT!!!

Current mood: crazy
Current music: Death Music like Whoa!

"I used to be convinced that my cats, while not the Nobel Prize winners of the feline world, were at least of average intelligence. I mean, they do remember to breathe regularly. They even remember what time it is I should feed them. (And that time is NOW. doesn't matter if I fed them five minutes ago, it's still NOW!) And, occasionally, with a lot of work, I could beat something into them, so they finally gave a reasonable facsimile of 'learning.' Such as, 'Biting at live electrical wires means you either get a blast of cold water all over you, or if that's not handy, you'll hear an earsplitting high noise as Mommy shrieks at the top of her lungs. Both are unpleasant, but much better than doing a fast little polka with your hair on fire.'"

--darqstar, in this post. Read the entire thing--it's hilarious.

JoAnn's had a remnant of wonderfully hideous orange fur, so I am making a large stuffed broken carrot. I have had the following conversation with five people:

"What'cha making?"

"Stuffed carrot."

(silence)

-annlarimer

chevalier2 and queeniefox had some fun mixing Lewis Carroll and the spell checker...

Emma says:I spellhecked jabberwocky yestreday
I must go to the botanical gardens says:oh dear
I must go to the botanical gardens says:by the way on the list of 'best random changes of subject ever' that has to be near the top
Emma says:
‘Two rolling, and the pithy tomes did gyre and wimble in the woe; All imps were the boogies, and the more wraths bugrake. “Beware the lacework, my son!
I must go to the botanical gardens says:
*falls of chair laughing*
I must go to the botanical gardens says:
FEAR THE DOILIES!
Emma says:
O crablouse day! Callboy! Cellos!”
I must go to the botanical gardens says:
*splutters*
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--queeniefox, right here.

If I ever scream for help in a survival situation, it's so I can grab the moron who actually answered me and throw him to the ravening monster to buy me five more minutes...



--ciceqi

I downloaded and watched the jesus chainsaw massacre. for all the fuss and the drama associated with this movie, it's not even that good. I must say however, that it was best that I did not see this in the theater -- possible headline would be "damn dirty dyke heathen stoned to death for heckling the passion". When the romans were wailing into him, all i could say was "Jesus, USE YOUR SAFE WORD!"

-- publicbeta

Valerie: Why didn't you go to the doctor?
Mike: It's not that bad.
Valerie: If you still feel this way tomorrow, go to the doctor.
Mike: Maybe.
Valerie: Yes, you will.
Mike: We'll see.
Valerie: If you're still sick tomorrow, and you don't go to the doctor, I'm going to beat the crap out of you and break your nose, and then you really will have to go to a doctor.


--valerie_z in a locked post, qouted with permission.

"Yeah, I went "there". "There" is a tequila bar, in the gutter, in Guam, past the cactus on your left. My roommates and I have barstools with our names on them, and every night we do body shots off of Viggo Mortensen.

Make it a double."

-belladonnalea, whose mind goes to a dirty dirty place all the time. I know this because I go with her.