Metaquotes

EDS: Does Dr. Pepper still warn you to open the bottle with the cap facing away from you?
COYO: Probably, heh...but look at my Oreos! "To open--slide finger under flap and loosen gently." Who the hell needs to be told that?
EDS: [considers] It could be an alien sex manual.
COYO: WHA?!
EDS: Well, you can't be too rough with those flaps. You never know what they're attached to.
COYO: Oh Jeez...my cookies are xenokinked...
EDS: That's why they're dessert.

--ciceqi.

From a locked post, with permission.

So, icarusancalion's father, Paul, has bought a new car...

Some men compensate for their perceived shortcomings by purchasing big extravagant wheels. I punish myself for the same thing by being sober, mature, and practical. Doing the right thing. Understand, this is a good car, it will service us well and the price was right. But to get the price I had to accept certain limitations, notably colour selection.

There is no getting around it, I hate the colour.

It's the colour of the suits accountants wear in the summertime.

It's beige.

It's the sort of beige the Presbyterian minister would feel compelled to select if he was to purchase a top of the line auto in full view of his congregation.

It's the colour beige that causes old maid aunts to beam with approval.

It screams of sensible shoes and never being without kleenex. Of buckle-galoshes in winter, and blouses buttoned all the way to the top.

Understand, it is still a SAAB 9-5 Aero, and beneath those sober garments the lady is wearing a lace thong and other things from the darkest of Victoria's Secrets. Peel her down and you will notice she's been to the gym a lot. She is buff, cut, dare I say, tight? She is more powerful than the previous issue. She has traction and stability control systems. She can be manually shifted by flipping little paddles on her steering wheel, just like a formula one racer. She has big bright Xenon headlamps, rain sensing windshield wipers. She wears 17 inch five-spoke alloy wheels and big, wide performance tires.

She is built to be fast. But she is beige and dull.

Taken from copperbadge


To the ass of a spambot who posted a porn advert on my LJ comments:

Sucks to be you, butthead. All MY porn is FREE.

I kinda wanna go to their website and email them back an advertisement for my LJ.

kaijima: if there is a God, don't worry - he's not laughing at you because he's almost certainly too busy trying to figure out where the fuck Reality Television came from; he sure didn't make it, and Lucifer generally only likes French porn films and Jerry Lewis.

from the journal of blacksatinrose, an exrept from an RP log between the two, booboosheep's original "9of course..." being a typo, of course :D

booboosheep: 9of course he is, he wants the best for his mates right)
booboosheep: (YAY NINE)
blacksatinrose: (Nines love you! :* )
booboosheep: (Nine: Dear Booboo: do you like me? Check one [ ]yes [ ]no XOXOXO ~*9*~ )
booboosheep: (Booboo: Dear nine, enclosed it a restraining order. Please do not sneak into my house again. Stab stab stabby stabbing. Regards, BB)

cantstopthedawn here

You know what I like best about Jesus?

That band he was in with David Bowie.