Metaquotes

Roomie: What's your shirt say? Victorian sex?
Me: *Blinks* No...Victoria's Secret.
Roomie: Oh. Well, that would be a pretty cool shirt.
Me: Did they even have sex in the Victorian era? I mean, it's like they touched skin to skin for more than five seconds and the girl was automatically pregnant.
Roomie: That's gotta suck for strippers, then, man.
Me: Victorian strippers? What are they gonna do? Take off their hat? Roll their socks down?

- ahumblepen

"Somebody please explain this to me, because I don't get it. Is it a contest of some sort? If a president pisses off more than X people before the end of his term, he wins a villa on some tropical island or something?"

nyxmidnight, in kuchenhexe's LJ -- commenting to a post she made about the fact that the government has just announced that it's only going to closed caption shows because the deaf will be led astray if shows like Bewitched or I Dream of Jeannie or Scooby-Doo are closed-captioned.

No, I'm not kidding. Here's the link.

This is a fight that the word needs to be spread about.

Overheard by neaf on the train, a conversation between three teenagers ...

Shallie: I think Jesus loves you.
Tom: (sarcasm) Jesus loves everybody.
Aroonius: Yes, well. Jesus was kind of a slut.

Having a cold, reading the following is good for inducing lots of laughter-related coughing:

Adventures in a bookstore.

By far the best line, though not the only funny one: describing the customer as "romantic in a DSM-IV sort of way."

officialgaiman on the Janet incident:

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Who wants to be a wench? I mean come on it means skank basically but it sounds like wrench...

-tiffspff, in response to me being called the "saxophone section wench"

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camwyn ponders crossovers:

Jackie would of course have to referee a Quidditch match at some point, and would be attacked in the process. We would then be treated to some of the finest wire-fu in the history of the world as Jackie found himself forced to leap from broom to broom, dive through the scoring hoops, and spend about forty-five seconds whizzing around the field by holding onto a Bludger with both hands while fighting someone with nothing but his feet.

Let's not even start on what would happen if he were at the Triwizard Tournament. "The Chinese Fireball's escaped!" "Agh! Get Weasley!" "No, no, the dragon's all right, I mean that lunatic Jackie!"

I've never been Snowboarding before, but it was just something I wanted to do before I die (probably IMMEDIATELY before I die, as in "Weee this is fun! Oh shit, that's a big tree "). --deadeyedave

"In case there's any doubt about this, let me be a little clearer: Master & Commander is one of the finest works of cinema ever made! Damn you! I hate you! You're not my real mum and dad! I wish I'd never been born!" - wheeler